Monday, December 10, 2007

Repeating the mantra

My heart is cloudy. I found out tonight, I have a friend in a stable.

Sweet precious girl. Good husband, former Young Life leader. The ones who do it all right, right?

They had a baby, prematurely. Terrifying. Baby ultimately ok. Post-partum depression. Getting better, pregnant, delighted, then miscarriage. Broken hearted. Secondary infertility. Tests. Advised not to conceive. Closure - getting better. Decide to adopt. Are surprised and blessed by a phone call, we have beautiful twins in the NICU, taken away from their parents by CPS, all your's. Open and shut case, supposedly. For six months now, they have had these children. They are as much their son and daughter as if they have conceived them - way more so than the couple who actually did.

Rumblings on the horizon...a birth relative of the babies expresses interest in taking them. But, it's gonna be ok, surely this ideal family who waited for them to learn to breathe and to eat in the NICU, who brought them to the only home they have ever known, who have sung them to sleep and prayed over them daily, surely they will be awarded custody over a 50 year old Johnny-come-lately aunt from a terribly dysfunctional family. Right??

Tonight I took Maggie to a birthday party, all by herself. A first for her. On the patio, I saw this mom. She said, you know what happened last week, right? No...and she told me that the aunt had been awarded custody. They were told to hand the twins - their babies - over to CPS last Monday, but they filed a lawsuit, and now they are just waiting to see what happens. They have them today, they still have them today. One day at a time.

Two years ago, at a complete loss for words, I held this sobbing girl after she miscarried her baby. Tonight as my heart raced I repeatedly told myself to not cry, that it would not help her at all if I were to start crying right here on the patio in the middle of little Margaret's second birthday party. So we just clung to each other for a few minutes, and then went back to helping our girls decorate their Christmas cookies.

After the party I dropped Maggie off at home and drove across town to see Mo Leverett speak and sing. Mo is a missionary in the 9th Ward of New Orleans, founder of Desire Street Ministries, who over the past 15 years has done amazing things for the Kingdom in a place were few would fear to tread. He is also an awesome singer and songwriter with a new CD out, and proceeds from his music fund much of his ministry at Rebirth International. Mo's been in a big stable since Katrina, and is beginning to see the light.

I drove home, listening to one of his CDs that was recorded in 2003, before Katrina and all the tumult that it brought into Mo's life. He wrote this song back then, in the better times, before things got so dark and scary. Tonight as I prayed for my friends I played his words over and over:
No one can reverse it
No act of man can curse it
No one here can spoil the Plan
Long before the skies came
Long before the stars flamed
There was I upon Thy hand

God is sovereign and God is good. God is sovereign and God is good. God is sovereign and God is good. God is sovereign and God is good.

I'm still scared. They still are terrified. I am still begging you to pray that my friends be allowed to adopt these babies who are already their own.

Stables will come. It is as assured as the believer's salvation. But that does not change the fact that no one here can spoil the Plan. Not a hair can fall from these babies' heads without the will of our Father. And our Father is sovereign, and our Father is good.

I'll keep you posted.

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