Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Efan the Wizard

Shepherd has been begging for a pet.

It all started a couple of months back when his pre-K class did a unit on them. Now at certain times, I do consider homeschooling, for the sole reason that I could have control over the thoughts that are placed in my children's heads. You know, the important values, like, premarital sex, evolution as fact not theory, and the idea that kids need pets.

I was given fair mommy warning that he would need to bring in a photo of his cat or dog or, for those who belong to the Petfree Movement, whatever we improvised. We had grand plans and a whole weekend to go over to Shelly's house and take photos with their two new Havanese/Bichon babies, Buddy and Cole. Five days later, I remembered, as we were already late to school one morning, that CRAP! I had forgotten to take a picture for him! Bad mommy, bad mommy....I scrambled, searching desperately through everything in the 17 seconds available to find an appropriate photo. In a drawer I came across a note that Walker's grandmother had written to Ingram on his baptism. It had a photo of a, um, pet on it, yes it did. I grabbed it, suppressing the guilt over sacrificing a beautiful handwritten note from the matriarch of the family to her newest great grandchild for what might become cut and glued into a preschool art project. Well, sometimes a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do. Especially a flaky, pet averse mom like me!

"Here Shepherd!!" I handed it to him. "Here's your picture for pet day!"

He looked at it, questioningly. "A wam?"

"Yes! You will be the only kid with a lamb for a pet! How COOL is THAT?" I held my breath.

"Oooo! Neato! A wam! Danks, Mom!" Whew. He bought it. Sweet easy kid. I don't think that would have flown with Eva Rose.

Fortuntely, the photos were only shared at circle time and not cut and pasted so Lammy got in line with all the other memories patiently waiting their addition to the baby book. And Shep seemed to drop the issue. Until recently.

"I want a pet mom. I want a puppy dog. Not a wam. Wams are not pets, mom. Dogs are pets."

"You do?" You know, sometimes you can buy some time with a simple "You do?" Not this time.

"Yes. A dog. Or a cat. I need a pet mom. I need one. Now. Let's go get one."

"Well, I'm sorry babe. Pets are too much work and they poopoo in the back yard. Your momma has four babies. She doesn't need a dog too. Ingram's your pet. And Maggie. At least they wear diapers. And you can teach them tricks too! Maggie can fetch the remote control already!"

Well, of course, that didn't cut it with him. I have said many times though that I would have another baby before I ever got a dog. Babies are just as difficult and at least they get gradually more independent. Maybe when my children start to fly the nest, I will long for something to love and care for. But at this stage in the game, the last thing I need is another little creature chewing up my shoes and demanding food and baths and attention, contributing even more poop on my carpet and throw up on my rug than I have already. Ugh! Perish the thought.

Sunday, when he was supposed to be napping, I heard all kinds of racket coming from Shep's room. He appeared at the top of the stairs like this:

"Mom! I got a PET! It's a wizard!"

Sure enough, he had caught a lizard in his room, trapped between the two buckets. (The boy's got skills!)

He now has a pet. His name is Ethan. Or as Shep says, "Efan the Wizard".

Whatever makes you happy, baby.

Three days later, Ethan the lizard isn't looking so good. He is definitely suffering some serious side effects of Shaken Lizard Syndrome. And, ok, don't go and call the SPCL, I haven't fed him. What am I supposed to do? Go catch flies for him? Did I mention I have four babies?

But, for the time being, Shepherd has a pet to love and shake and sleep with. Literally. He is sleeping with him. Maybe soon I can convince him to let Ethan go on a big wizard adventure in the backyard. A backyard which Ethan will not proceed to poop all over.

PS - I need to state, for the record, that Shep has his 2nd worst haircut ever. My fault. Can't blame Daddy for this one. Praying it will grow out by Easter and that I will learn to hone my barber communication skills.


  1. looks like a house gecko. those are really cool. and they eat the bugs that you will never see. Maybe you ought to convince Shep to let Ethan the Wizard go do his job so mommy doesn't have to worry about Sheila the Spider and all her progeny.........

  2. I have a $15 dollar solution. They are called Furreal friends and can be found at Target or the like. My 4 year old received a cat from Santa and it's such a hit.

    It purrs when you pet it and comes with a bottle, and makes a drinking sound.

    And yes, it has an OFF button. They make dogs, lambs, pigs, and other animals as well!

    I've dodged the pet bullet once again. I highly recommend it!

  3. I'm with you on the pets. My kids are begging me for a dog, a cat or even a fish.

    It's too nuch extra work and they are too messy and they chew things and they poop and they smell and they need a bath and they need to be fed and blah, blah, blah...just like you said, you might as well have another baby!

  4. I never grew up with pets; my parents hated animals in the household. When my three kids grew too big to be in my arms and on my lap, I suffered EAS (empty arms syndrome) and got my little Yorkie. True, she doesn't mature much. But she is not a smart aleck and does not use the computer every time I want to use it. And she only eats 1/3 c. of food everyday, whereas my teenagers eat tons, like zoo animals.

  5. LOl that is very funny - I hate dog poop. Shep is just the cutest wizard catcher and keeper. I hope Efan is okay.

  6. That is so sweet. And at least lizards are easy to clean up after. I've been able to keep my daughter at bay with wanting a dog, but my husband is a different story...

  7. Your children are so adorable!

  8. the haircut is NOT your fault. No barber should get paid if he can't keep a straight line across the front. It will grow.

  9. Luckily Hattie's too young to beg for a pet, but I know it's coming. It's Sean who keeps begging for a pet. I wonder if a lizard would appease him?!?! He can't sleep with it, though. ;0)

    Shep looks cute no matter what hair-cut he's sportin'!

  10. A lizard!!?! Now that's impressive. You are one brave mommy!! I think I'll keep my dog! :-)

  11. Oh my gosh - I really got to giggling over this one. Go Shep! If Mohammed won't go to the mountain, right? What a hoot.

    And I stand right there with ya on the pet embargo. (Is that word appropriate there? Somehow I am not sure, but I am too tired to go look it up.) Anyway, we had cats for eight years and finally found freedom from that burden last summer. Kyle and I agree - no more pets. Ever. Well, at least for a while. Not while we have babies around, for sure. Too much dang work.

  12. Oh, he's beautiful - bad haircut or no. :)
    And I'm totally feelin' you on the whole dog issue. We have a dog, but she's not mine. She belongs to my kids and my husband, as I clearly laid out before she was ever allowed to join our family. :) I don't feed her, or let her out to run, or even look in her general direction unless I want to. And because I have 3 babies, I don't want to. :)
    Good luck with the wizard. :)

  13. Mom and I want to know what happened to "Efan the Wizard"

  14. Well, Efan the Wizard proved to be a very hearty wizard as he lasted about a week without any food. Finally we convinced Shep that he needed to do the loving thing and let Efan go in the backyard so he could get a flyburger. So GG and Sissy went with Shep and they let Efan go back to tell all his friends about his life in the bubble. Efan held a press conference where he compared the constant oogling and lack of privacy to Britney Spears and subsequently had a nervous breakdown.



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