Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Google giggles

If you have a blog that has Sitemeter, the "new bathroom scale" as Linda calls it, you know that one of the amusing perks of Sitemeter is that it tells you the Google search words that brought folks to your blog.

When I google, I google in Tarzan speak, eg, Obama primary Wisconsin. I have learned that others use not only complete sentences but indeed proper punctuation when they google, as in, "How did Mr. Obama fare in the Wisconsin primaries?" This cracks me up. I imagine these are the same ladies who always write thank you notes and never leave the house without their lipstick.

The most popular searches that lead unsuspecting souls to the mayhem that is It's Almost Naptime are, understandably, along the lines of "baby cries at naptime", "my baby won't nap", "how make baby not cry at nap" (that would be Jane googling about Boy.) So, let me answer that one right now, dear googlers. If you need to know how to get your screaming kid precious blessing to nap, I recommend the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluff. This is my little b bible, revered, adored and obeyed only secondarily to the big B Bible. And Dr. Weissbluff has been my little s savior. Healthy Sleep picks up when the baby is about four months old. I employ other methods during the first three months that I will not discuss here for the same reasons I will not discuss politics, but if you are interested in my "MissyWise" protocol, feel free to email me. If there is one thing I have learned by now, it is how to get a baby to sleep, and I am thrilled to help anyone who is about to lose her mind for lack of sleep. Been there, sister, been there.

The second most frequent search is "phantom baby crying." Phantom baby crying is what happens when I am lying in bed, with earplugs in, the box fan on high, and I still swear I hear one of my babies cry out. I explained this phenomena here. The weird thing is, no one reads the post. The click, but they click right back out. Which causes me to wonder, just what were they looking for that I did not supply? Real phantom babies? Spooky.

Since I have posted about Beth Moore, I now receive numerous hits from those seeking information about her. These are rather amusing as well. The go from, "When is Beth Moore's birthday?" written by a lipsticked lady who wanted to send her a card to, "How much money Beth Moore make" to my favorite, "beth moore nose job." Well, I do not know the answers to the first couple of questions. Tonight, however, I was blessed to sit on row six and after checking out her clothes (cute capris and very high heels), and hair (I think she got a new do for her daughter's wedding, it looked great, very fluffy) I took the liberty to scrutinize her nose. And I could be wrong, but it appeared to me to be the nose God gave her.

The winner for this week is this one: "prayers to end the recession". First off, it threw me - I don't watch the news like I used to, but, what recession? But the funniest aspect was that whoever this poor holy person was, they were directed here, to my post about praying for the toilet not to overflow! I imagine that was not what they were looking for!!

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