Sunday, February 24, 2008

Technologically challenged

See these?



These are obviously light switches, in our what-do-you-call-it room. But these are special light switches. Because some of them have magic powers. When you turn them on, an angel gets its wings.

I guess. Cause we sure don't know what the heck they do.

The middle one above is pure mystery. And one of those turns on the ceiling fan, but for the life of me I couldn't tell you which one...because it changes. It must. That is the only way to explain how I can never figure out which one it is.

See these? This wall of fun is in the breakfast room. Everyone needs five switches in their breakfast room.


Two of these turn on the fans and the light in the family room.

One turns on the light in the whatchacallit room (and so does one in the other photo.)

Two of these give angels their wings.

Notice that I didn't mention anything about lights in the breakfast room?

Exactly. Because that switch is on the opposite wall. Of course.

I also have at least two other light switches in this house that do nothing. Nada. For a long time I thought I was just plain dumb, that I could not figure this out. Then I thought maybe some had shorted out, and that's why they didn't work? But recently when we had Wes the Beloved Contractor here, he spent a good hour fiddling with all these light switches with his manly tools and instruments and his conclusion: Most of them hook up to nothing. Angel wings. Put there purely to mess with our heads, maybe?

For a very long time I have fantasized about putting labels on them, like folks do at their beach or lake houses. That way we could not only know what did what but feel like we were on vacation all the time, right? But it would also be advertising to every guest in our home 1) how dumb we are and 2) how dumb the light switches are. So I have restrained myself. We just carry on, flipping this one, then this one, till eventually we make magic.

Now this, this is a relic from the late 70s that some of you may have in your home.


That's riiight baby. A honkin big new fangled intercom system.

I remember when some of my friends got these when I was a kid and I thought they were So. Cool. You could just push a button and ask your mom to make you some KoolAid from any room in the house! And I also remember my disillusionment when none of my friends actually used them, reporting that they didn't work.

Ergo, when we moved in our 1978 house and saw these in every room, we fiddled with them about five minutes before announcing them defunct. That was five years ago. Since then the Motherboard has been used exclusively to hang things off of and the babyboards have been painted over in sad attempts at camouflage.

Last week Maggie pulled a chair up to the Motherboard in the kitchen and played with the knobs, and later...we heard Ingram's wake up cries in stereo! And when I walked into our bedroom, I heard him in there too!

For almost five years we have had a baby monitor in the nursery with two receivers. One in our bedroom. One in the kitchen. We could have been using the intercom system the whole time.

Bummer that the radio still does not work. Sometimes when I pull in the driveway and am right in the middle of a juicy Dr. Laura question, I wish I could come inside and turn on the radio to hear the rest of it.


Am I the only one who is consistently just blown away by my own cluelessness??

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