Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The Eighth Deadly Sin


Forgive me Nappers, for during this holiest of weeks, I have committed a sin most grievous.

For the first time in my otherwise holy and pious life, I...oh, it's hard to say it, but confession is good for the soul...
I wore white shoes before Easter.

There. I feel better already.


(You really don't realize how badly you need that pedicure until you see your toenails in full-on digital glory.)

I am truly remorseful. But it was a dire situation, for which I am begging thy forgiveness.

Due to my mutilated left foot (notice the scar? does it make me look tough?), and my inability to make it to my physical therapy sessions (hmmm, wonder why) my choice in footware is quite limited. And being that it was HOT on Sunday, like pushing 80, I had on a springy dress and these were simply the only ones that matched that didn't involve wincing when placed upon my dainty Cinderella feet.

And, I rationalized to myself, it's Palm Sunday. I mean, it's practically Easter. Plus, I'm disabled. I should get some kind of reprieve, right?

I still feel a little guilty about it, and I am just glad my momma is out of town so she did not have to witness it. Momma raised me right, and it might break her heart. Because my Momma taught me as surely as she taught me my name the Law regarding white shoes. If your momma didn't, it's ok to forgive her. I am here to fill in for her now, and let you know:

IT IS A SIN
TO WEAR WHITE SHOES BEFORE EASTER
AND
AFTER LABOR DAY.

And if I see you in white shoes between September 2 and February, it may not be very Christian of me, but I will judge you for it.

Same commandment applies to linen, and sleeveless tops (that's why God gave us cardigans), and sailor outfits, most pastels, floral prints, and white cotton. Winter whites are ok, but one must remember one is treading in very dangerous territory with winter whites, and approach them with fear and trembling. Only in Paradise will white be truly acceptable year round.

Tomorrow I will take my husband's linen shirts to the cleaners, because the only way I get his heathen self to adhere to these commandments is to keep said shirts wrinkled and unwearable all winter.

Now the converse also applies. No wool or corduroy or tweed from Easter till September 1. And, boots must be considered on a case by case basis.

If you were raised in the South or
we're-not-quite-the-South-but-most-all-same-rules-apply-here-in-Texas, then you should know this. If you weren't, well. Just one more reason for us to feel sorry for you. But, we're here to help.

I know this is a tough one, sisters, I. Know. Here in the tropics, I have certainly done my fair share of suffering in the off months. But Jesus did not promise this life would be easy. We have got to buck up and do our part for the Kingdom.

The Lord will bless you if you do.

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