Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Things I didn't know about parenting

I didn't know that if you leave the dishwasher open, a toddler will always, always go straight for the sharpest knife.

I didn't know that if you change your child's diaper and it is full of thousands of yellow, gelatinous crystals, they are not dying of some horrible disease. It's just time to move up a size because the diaper exploded.

I didn't know that any latent engineering gene in your family, no matter how far back on the family tree, will manifest itself in a toddler boy between the ages of 18 and 36 months who will then disassemble everything in your home constrained by screws. Which is just about everything.

I didn't know that banana stains are forever.

I didn't know that when a toddler learns to talk, some words come out sounding like other words. Other words that make you laugh, really hard. And pull out the video camera. And ask them to say it for all your friends so they too can laugh.

I didn't know how close to impossible it would be to find eight shoes that match every morning. Plus two for me.

And my latest, greatest revelation?

I just didn't know that, when pre-schoolers go potty, they aren't so great at wiping their heinies. So sometimes it gets on their fingers. And when it does, it makes perfect sense to them to wipe it off on the closest wall.

What are your's?

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