Monday, November 3, 2008

Trashed

Our kitchen is not blessed with a cabinet tall enough to hold a trash can. It's one of those things that doesn't seem important until you-know-what. Kids. Aka, Creatures Who Change Your Perspective on Absolutely Everything.

We therefore, need - not want, need - a trash can with a lid. And a tall one, because I challenge anyone in our neighborhood to produce more trash than we do. (We also hold the Foulest Smelling Trash title, three years running. Go Team Naptime!!) My friend Kimberly lives in Seattle and there, if you put more trash on your curb than can fit into this itty bitty trash can, they fine you.

They fine you, y'all. As in money. We would so have to move.

Required: a tall trashcan with a lid, heavy enough to not be knocked over by a toddler, and pretty enough to sit out all the time. Do you know how much tall, lidded, stainless steel trashcans run? Look here and prepare to gasp audibly. Who on earth can justify charging over $100 for a place to put your coffee grounds and stinky diapers? Honestly?? Who thinks that way?

So last year when I saw this one at Costco for around $40, I grabbed it. It had a lid that looked pretty childproof. It had an infrared sensor and opened automatically to receive your deposit. Cool, huh?

Yeah, the first couple of days. But turns out he was a little hypersensitive, so every time I would walk by, he'd open wide his gaping mouth. I felt like Seymour. Pass by the trashcan - we'll call him Audrey 3 - on the way to the pantry, FEED ME. Sweep near him - FEED ME. He was hungry every time he saw me. If I did not dump in an apple core or some potato skins, I felt a little guilty.

I am a mother of four. I have enough guilt without my trashcan laying it on. When Audrey's batteries ran out, I did not replace them.

Well, then he went the opposite. Anorexia. Didn't want to eat at all. I had to pry open his mouth to get anything in there. Whatever, forty bucks, whatever.

Despite his melodramatic eating disorders, Audrey 3 did his job and kept the kids out of the garbage.

Until...Hurricane Ike learned to walk. Ike would knock the tight fitting, heavy lid off into the trash can regularly. Fasting had zapped Audrey's strength - he was just too weak to resist.

Now, the lid is gone. Gone. I can only speculate that Ike knocked it into the bag, and it somehow got overlooked and thrown away.

Yes. Audrey 3 committed suicide.

So now we are back to square one, a headless, gaping, always overflowing trashcan in the middle of my kitchen floor.

And Ike is in dumpster diving heaven. Which leads to lots of coffee grounds on the floor, and scenes like this.



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20 comments:

  1. Ha, ha! This is just too funny. Ike looks more like Walker than ever in this picture :).

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  2. I have one that may work for you. Not as pretty as a stainless steel one, but the lid has an actual LOCK on it. Solved my problems...when I remember to lock it.
    http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?order_num=-1&SKU=111932&RN=1020

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  3. Ha! I know I can always come to your blog for a laugh! My Max (17 months) too likes our trash can and regularly puts things in it - like magnets from the fridge, his blankie or important papers. I feel like I always need to check it before wrapping it up.

    I love the picture of Ike!

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  4. awesome shot of Ike, wow! and hey, that is our trashcan. jay brought it home for me one Christmas. nothing says true love under the Christmas tree like a battery-operated trashcan right?? :-)

    after about 4 years, our Audrey 3 is still going strong, but then we've put him/(her?) in a corner where he cannot beg for food all the time!

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  5. oh my....have I mentioned that you simply crack me up my dear?

    you just crack.me.up.

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  6. Are you telling me you didn't stage that photo?

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  7. I PROMISE I did not stage this photo.

    He really did dig out a chicken bone and a Shiner. The kid always goes for the beer bottles.

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  8. Bah ha! We use a tall white rubbermaid one that looks fine because it's white. Our cabinets are white so it sort of blends in. (And yes, it has a lid.)

    Whatever you get, it's gonna be prettier than trash all over the floor! :)

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  9. That photo is P-R-I-C-E-L-E-S-S!!
    And a sidenote: I flipped out when my hubby spent $50 on a "nice looking" trashcan. Not even battery opperated! Dumb thing broke 6 months later. Figures.

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  10. He looks just like Walker in this picture. I desparately need to get a lidded trashcan.

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  11. That picture is hilarious!!! Toddlerhood at its finest.

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  12. That is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time! HEee HEEE

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  13. I was on a trash can hunt a few months back. Saw some gorgeous ones at The Container Store, but couldn't bring myself to pay that much. We ended up finding a stainless steel-looking trash can at Walmart. It has a lid and cost a lot less than the ones we were looking at.

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  14. He knows the good stuff when he sees it. Chicken and beer. :)He even looks like he just took a swig.

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  15. The funniest thing about the picture is he looks like his mouth is full.

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  16. The great part about this picture is that his t-shirt says "Little American". Priceless.

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  17. That silly automatic trashman (trashman was a typo but how appropriate) bugged me to no end. My sweet husband gave him to me for Christmas and I thought I was "in love". That was short lived so I traded trashman #1 for trashman #2. Costco is good about that, but #2 died as well. Finally I returned him for #3 which is the new one Costco is carrying. You have to step on him to get him to open up but YEA! he works. Good luck-these things can make you crazy.
    Meredith

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  18. Just get one of those 50-gal plastic trash cans with the lid on it and the handles that lock the lid down. Get one with wheels so when company comes, you can move it. Because they are ugly but they work.

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  19. OH I AM LAUGHING OUT LOUD!!!! That picture is too much! And a MOUTH FULL of GOD KNOWS WHAT! Although chicken and beer is a safe bet. Hahahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!

    (and gross)

    Icky Ike.

    And still cute beyond my language capabilities!

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