On top of that, my husband's work year has been hard, the hardest of his career. Stressful, constant threat of layoffs, rearranging, vanishing executives, pay cuts - y'all all know what I am talking about because chances are you are in the exact same possibly sinking boat.
And that, my friends, is why my husband and I need - and I mean neeeeeeeeeeeeed - to take a vacation, alone, ALL ALONE, with NO ONE invited under five feet one and a half inches tall. Which is my height. I know, I know, I'm ridiculously short.
So, Stressed Out Husband and Exhausted Wife decided on a vacation spot. And did the rather complicated task of finding childcare for all said children for several days. While Stressed Out Husband was growing a new ear in Vegas, Exhausted Wife spent a good six hours - and she is not exaggerating because she gets very OCD when it comes to large purchases - online looking at every. single. resort. in the chosen destination.
I'll move back in the first person now to say that finally, at 2 o'clock in the morning, I found one. Many things sold me on this particular spot, but the main one was the combination of two of my favorite things in the entire planet, put together so beautifully, so poetically, it could only be divinely inspired:
Yes, invisibles, that is a BED.
On a BEACH.
Have you ever seen anything more glorious in all your life???
I intend to lie on it, for hours, with no one poking me. Unless it is to ask me if I need another fruity slushy drink in a coconut with an umbrella straw. For which my answer will be, Why yes, I DO, and I will lie right here while you go get it for me, bring it to me, let me drink it all by myself with no one grunting for a taste or begging for the strawberry or sticking their germy little fingers in it, and then you may take it away and you may wash the glass. While I lie here. With my de-stressed husband. In my BED on the BEACH.
So I reserved it. Then, holding my breath, gave my credit card number. And hit enter. And exhaled. And thought how great it is that four kids = rather large tax refunds.
But then, the next day, news began to hit the papers, some rather disturbing news. The next day, there was more news. Then more. Then travel advisories were issued. Worries surfaced.
And yet, amidst the reports, I look at my BED on the BEACH, and I fearlessly proclaim:
I AIN'T AFRAID OF NO STINKIN' PIG FLU!!!!