Thursday, April 16, 2009

Welcome inside my brain at four o'clock this morning

Who's poking me? Someone is poking my arm...am I dreaming....no. Someone is poking me. Eva Rose. Wow, it's dark, it must be 4am. Way too early for her to be up. She's not there. Walker? No, he's in..where is he...Albuquerque. There's no one here. My door is still shut...I know I was not dreaming that, that was a very hard poke. What's going on?

Now I am wide awake. Great.


The burglar alarm is on, so it's not a bad guy. Oh I love that alarm. Thank you God for burglar alarms. There is no one in my room but I know someone was poking my arm.

(Roll over.)

If it wasn't a human...a ghost? Oh my Lord, a ghost? Wait, I don't believe in ghosts. But I do believe in demons. Was it a demon?? Just like we were just talking about at bible study last week!! Oh my crap...something. was. poking. me! (thump, thump, thump of my heart reverberates in my ears.) What do I do now? Pray! Dear God...


Wait a minute, sometimes God wakes people up, too. No need to assume the negative. Doesn't have to be a demon, could be an angel. God woke up Samuel three times. Okay. I am going with that. Maybe God woke me up. By poking me. Whatever. I choose to believe that. Happy thoughts. Going back to sleep.

Wait a minute. If God woke me up, what am I supposed to do now, pray or something? Read my bible? Do I have to turn on the light? But God, it's 4am.


There's the poke again! I knew I wasn't dreaming! What is that?

Oh, for pity's sake, it's a muscle spasm. Who gets a muscle spasm in their bicep!? I have never ever heard of such a thing. Good grief. That was too weird. It's still going. Feels exACTly like someone poking me. Wow. Bizarre. Okay. Go back to sleep. The kids will be up in two hours, Missy! Go back to sleep.

Why would my arm do that? Maybe it's not a muscle - it is thumping so regularly, it almost feels like it's pulsating. Maybe it's like a vein throbbing. Don't heart attacks cause pain in your left arm? What if this is just the precursor to a heart attack? Oh my gosh! What would I do? Walker's out of town! I could die right here in my bed! The kids would walk in and find me! Could Shep call 911? Could he even find the phone? God, please don't let this be a heart attack, or at least let me have the heart attack in the daytime.
Please, please let me get some sleep first.

I choose to believe that this is a muscle spasm. Man, when is it gonna stop?

Go to SLEEP, Missy...go to sleep....Dear God, please let me go back to sleep...

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