Sunday, August 16, 2009
Mom to Mom - What to say to a friend who is dealing with infertility
Recently my friend Hilary and her precious babies came over for a playdate and this topic came up. A friend of her's who lives overseas had just lost another IVF baby in her long quest to be a mom, and Hilary didn't really know what to say to her. We thought it would a great topic for this carnival.
Those of us who get pregnant very easily, like Hilary and myself, have a huge sense of guilt amongst our friends who are having trouble conceiving. I have even avoided acquaintances (not friends - acquaintances) when I was pregnant or had all my kids hanging off me because I feel like I am flaunting my fertility in their faces, just by existing.
I am always thrilled when friends become moms, but if y'all had to move mountains (or even good sized hills) to make a baby, like this chunky redheaded hunk of love, my joy knows no bounds. And if your child comes to you through adoption, like this gorgeous dainty sugar bear - oh. Overwhelmed with delight.
I also admit - full on honesty here - that because I am such an adoption proponent, it is hard for me to watch my friends suffer through so much disappointment over and over when this voice inside me is saying "Oh, please, sweet friend, go get you a baby!! You can still try and get pregnant, but when you are at your doctor's appointments there will be a precious little one waiting for you at home!!"
But, because I am a fertile myrtle and know that I have absolutely no clue what y'all are going through - I usually just keep my mouth shut. Which may or may not be the best thing to do.
Sisters, please school me and Hilary and the rest of us.
What do you say - and do you not say - to a friend who is dealing with infertility?
I thank you in advance for discussing this painful topic. It is going to be very helpful to us, the clueless ones. And the Lord knows, we do want to be helpful.
(Please write a post on your blog, and link up here to the specific post.)