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Today I was in a conversation where one of the conversers mentioned the word Friggin. And another pointed out that Friggin, fricken, freaking, etc, is really code for that other word, and as followers of Christ, we shouldn't use any of those words.
And it's true. Sadly, I know it is true. I say sadly because I love to use the word freakin.
I'm a word girl (word up!) I love words, I love new words, I love the etymology of words. One of my favorite classes in college was The History of the English Language, and I am rather proud that I can still recite the beginning of The Canterbury Tales in Middle English, which is almost a foreign language. If I were to win the lottery, one of the first things I would buy would be a big ole Oxford English Dictionary.
Being that I love words, all words, I love local vernacular and I love slang. And I even love me some cuss words.
To me, there are levels of cuss words: Schedule I: the ones that I have never said, either because they are so foul or blasphemous; Schedule II: the bad ones; and Schedule III: the ones that you don't allow your kids to say, but sometimes you can, especially if you are referring to a donkey or the opposite of Heaven. Schedule IV are the ones which are the ones that aren't really bad, just tacky. You know, butt, fart - all the ones Shepherd loves at the moment. Schedule V are words that "someone" has determined to be bad, namely, "stupid." Which is stupid. But I've already discussed that.
So, no, I normally don't cuss, for three reasons. Number one, I think it is plain tacky and disrespectful. Even in my wild UT days, if a boy cussed in front of me on a first date, he would not get a second. Number two, I have these kids that I try and behave in front of. And then there's number three: because I love Jesus.
There are several verses, namely Ephesians 4:29, that exhort that we simply aren't to talk like that.
But I tell you what (verily verily I say unto you), sometimes, like when I trench my own yard again or when I splash bleach on a favorite shirt, or even when I need to let my husband know that my anger is not pretend at the moment but very very real, it just feels very good to let one of those Schedule II's fly.
I'm not proud, y'all, I'm just honest.
Those times are fortunately rare. What is much more prevalent in daily life is the use of the substitutionary cuss words. Like friggin. We know what it means, and out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks, right? If our heart is saying the real F word, when we use a weenie version, we aren't fooling anybody.
Even our kids.
Most of our "innocent" cuss words are easy to trace back to their blasphemous origins. A favorite of mine happens to be Jeez Louise. But Jeez is just short for Jesus. Dadgumit? Rearrange some syllables and consonants and it's a Schedule I. Same with Gosh dangit.
When I hear someone swear Oh my God, I cringe. But what about Oh my gosh? Oh my goodness? Oh my heavens? Oh for Pete's sake? Let's be honest, all are euphemisms for God or his home or his disciple at the gate. The meaning is the same.
Even the ones I do say in front of my kids: heck, darn, dern, dang, shoot, shikeys, holy guacamole - the mouth says Schedule IV, the heart says Schedule II.
Then there's my favorite, the most innocuous sounding one of all: Oh my word. What does that mean? I think it probably means Oh my {insert cuss word here}.
My grandma used to be friends with a lady named Jean Petty, which I thought was the most beautiful name ever. I remember her sitting at my grandma's table over dominoes, saying "Well I declare" in response to my grandma's stories. Except when Miss Jean said it, it sounded like "Well I. De. Clare." Is "I declare" okay, or is it the toned down version for swearing?
Is it just as big a sin to say the real curse word as it is to say the weenie one?
Or are some obviously not okay (freakin) while some truly are innocent (oh my word)?
And what would one insert? How is "Oh my word" more toxic than "Wow" or "No way" or "Get outta town" or "Ooo chile"?
Y'all, I don't know. I just don't know.
If it is, it presents a very big problem for me, a Texan girl who is very expressive and known to be dramatic who loves words and who talks a lot.
For the love of Pete, what in tarnation am I supposed to do??
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Cussin
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37 Comments:
Just started reading you and you are HILARIOUS!
I'm a swearer. A bigun. But I have thought the same things about non-swearing as you just said. I'm also a word and grammar freak. So we have a lot in common.
My Grandmama used to say "Well, I swunny!" I think that means "I swear." I'm not even sure that's how you spell it!
We're fond of "flippin'" in this house. ("The flippin' dog ran away again!") Because sometimes, an intensifier is needed. Just feels better than "friggin'" in front of the kids.
And I'm glad someone else out there would know what I'm talking about when I break in to "Whan that April in its suress sota/The drout of March hath per-ced to the rota" (excuse spelling, we only had to recite)!
How funny! I go to church with a sweet elderly lady named June Petty and I don't know that she's ever even said "I declare!" She used to be a missionary in Asia and is a lovely lady. I am the pastor's wife and when I am not in front of sweet elderly ladies and my children I use freakin (I'm in TX too) and crap :( I'm working on it.
And bath-ed every vein in sweet su-cur, girl!!! YES!! Flippin awesome!!
I love crap too. Sigh.
Oh...I have had all the same thoughts as you...I just think that somehow saying the weenie word is better. It shows an attempt to be decent. I too, like to add an occasional word for emphasis. My college roommate used to say farmin' this and that...even farm you! and what the farm! That was kinda funny and also such an obvious substitution.
We use craft! as a swear word these days. I posted about it http://dawnsgoodlife.blogspot.com/2009/08/craft.html
honestly, what is a talkative, slightly expressive girl supposed to do??
Thanks for the post! My 3 1/2 yr. old just got in trouble for saying "Oh my gosh" and my mother didn't understand what was wrong with that. My hubby explained that the true intent of the saying is really "Oh my G_d" and of course that is not okay. She truly disagreed, that she would never say the latter but says Oh my gosh all the time. I too am guilty of it, but when I heard it from my 3 yr. old it definitely sounded bad. Now I'm trying to figure out what is okay and not okay to say, so my kiddo doesn't get in trouble for copying his mama! :)
(i have to spell it phonetically ... it's been since high school)
"when zepherus eek with his sweet-uh breath, inspir-ed hath in every hothe and heth ... the tendre croppes, and yong-uh sone-uh ... hath in the rams his halve coors ee rone-uh."
and THAT'S why we're soul sisters ... f' yeah, we are.
:)
I'd love to know what you think of this increasingly popular, "Well, God bless her but..." I hear flying about these days. I luv ya...you say what I think...but in a much more organized way!
Your writing is so "stinkin" (one of my faves!) rad! My 7 year old just used this phrase, "it is all jacked up." Compliments of my husband. I LOVE your different levels of cussin'. Thanks so much..
This was a great post...we sometimes veiw sin in general that way...like there are levels...I'd never actually kill someone but a little lie, eh, not as bad.
Anyway, I'm not sure gosh is a sub for God...I think intent is part of it and if I say Oh my Gosh I'm not thinking Oh My God. I'm really just expressing something. I too love words and I need to let some out on a regular basis or my head might explode
Now all the f words (firggin, frackin, freakin...love them all).. I do feel like if I use them they are a sub. I want to say something for emphasis and choose the less offensive word.
God sees the heart...we know what we mean and so does He...for good or bad.
We've been talking in Sunday School a lot recently about whether your true nature is your first instinct or what you actually do or say. I believe that it is what actually comes out. Coming from that perspective, things like "gosh," "goodness," etc, are alright. On the other hand, I do not want to ever hear "freakin'" come from my three-year-old's mouth! I don't think anyone does. He has said Holy Moly once though, hmmm.
Well, exactly...God knows our hearts.
But He also MADE us with emotions and feelings. And I think it's easy to get all legalistic about this issue. As if God doesn't already know what we're feeling.
(Yet balance that with 'do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths...')
I have a girlfriend from college who says "oh my stars" in the cutest lil' accent, I could just die! we don't allow the girls to say oh my gosh and NONE of our family gets it. they think i'm being too controlling over my daughter's speech, but it just sounds gross coming out of my sweet girls' mouths! i try to cut out all forms of what might be a swear word (even crap) but it's so hard! and sometimes, when i'm with a close girlfriend, i have to admit, a swear word in a conversation is just plain funny. terrible, i know, and something i've just been horribly convicted of lately. sigh, we're all a work in progress, right?
Seriously? I'm starting to get really freaked out as I think we may share brain cells. I was on my way to my blog to post about CAFE in an extremely similar post when I read yours. Can I just type on mine "yeah, and what she said..."?
Did you decide about an agency yet? I don't know anyone at CAFE well enough to feel like sharing yet, but since we DO share brain cells - check out my latest post to see a huge praise in my adoption saga. God is good!
I was thinking about this same subject this week. I had an aunt and uncle growing up who made sure to warn me about saying "Oh my Gosh" and any cleaned up version of a curse phrase like "Gee Whiz". One really has to have something to say sometimes, however. I ended up with two main staples- 'Good Grief' and 'Dadgummit' (I know they are both in the same group as the other, but I just think Good grief sounds pretty innocent and Dadgummit sounds like something Jed Clampit would say, though I never actually decided to go with it, it has stuck.
The problems ones I have are 'frickin and crap. I would like to stop saying those before my 4 year old starts too.
Oh, and I should probably stop calling things 'retarded'. I just can't seem to get rid of that one!
Thanks for a great post! lol
Man, I have a really hard time with this one too. Did you know that Nightline just did a story on taking the Lord's name in vain? I know, pretty crazy for ABC network. Here is the link. http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/10-commandments-lords-vain-omg/story?id=8634397
Oh, and I can still say the Canterbury tales in ye olde english too. Its just sticks eh?
Re: your first comment. Check out this blog, thinking there's a connection to I Swunee...
http://www.isuwannee.com/
Re: your thesis. I will respectfully disagree, substitute curse words are an innocent pleasure, esp. if you're enjoying them partly for the sounds of the words themselves. The intent not to be vulgar or take the Lord's name in vain leads to creative cussing, and I like it! It may just teach your kids to love words, too.....
I'm a recovering "crap" addict. It stops being okay when you hear your children say it!
We use a fake cuss word we stole from Seinfeld: "Neuman!!!" It's perfect for the big cahunas, like sudden pain.
We also say "Oh Mabel", or under duress "sweet fancy Mabel!" Don't know where that one came from . . .
-- Nancy
I use friggin a lot. I know I shouldn't but I do. We had a revival some years back with Brother Lystlund and he preached for a week on this sort of thing. He says the way to know if you are using a substitute word or not is If it makes you wonder if it is then you shouldn't use it. If you say it or think it n have that little niggle inside then you shouldn't ever say it again.
scary huh?
I have no idea how I found your blog...but you are my "kindred spirit" :) Why? you catechize your youngun's. My dad is a PCA pastor and I grew up knowing the catechism as well as how many days were left until Christmas. (Have you read 'Rediscovering Catechism' ...this should be a "must read" for reformed families.) For some reason my computer freezes up and I have to restart it everytime I try to click on your toolbar, and after 7 attempts today, it about had me cussin'. So, I can't get to your email address. How tacky is this, I'm going to leave you a "email" here. Don't even know if you read all of these comments:) So, "hello" to a fellow catechizer! We have 3 bio kids and have started the process to adopt a little one from Ethiopia. I have a little "at-home-when-I'm-not-homeschooling" sewing business going to help fund our adoption. (Good times, raising 20K when hubby is in seminary:) I am giving away a free dress and hairbow on my site this week (giveaway ends Sat) and thought you and your readers may be interested. If you would like to check it out, you can at www.flitterbugs.blogspot.com Just go to the most recent blog post and leave a comment to enter! And thanks for such an encouraging site!
I think I'm going to adopt "sweet fancy Mabel."
To Nancy: A friend of mine says "sweet fancy Moses" that she got from Seinfeld. Perhaps that is the origin of the "Mabel" version?
LG
You crack me up.
Good rule of thumb for me is if it's in the Bible it's OK ... I won't list the four that are, but one of them I actually like the sound of, when my kids aren't around of course, which is probably a sign that it's not appropriate. Oh, good grief. I feel your pain.
Oh wow. At 10 weeks preggo, every other comment to my husband is what we ARE or ARE NOT going to do/say with our precious first baby. I think "good grief" will stay, as there usually is some sort of grief I'm describing when I say it. But "flippin" might have to go, although it's a supremely satisfying way to describe something.
Thanks for the space to think about such things!
Leah, does it seem a litte warped that my cusswords all seem to derive from Seinfeld?!
:o)
Nancy
My one cent:
We need cuss words. When something big falls on your toe, you need to resort to "oh sugar!" or you'd just plain pop. Who cares what you might have said instead if the children weren't listening - even fake cuss words can be little steam vents, and that's a good thing.
And my mom convinced me when I was small that if I ever said any kind of cuss word, I was really saying the Truly Bad Word in my heart and Jesus Knew That. And I came home sobbing from Kindergarten because I'd dropped my crayons and said "jeepers". I SO DID NOT mean to take the Lord's name in vain in my heart! But I can still feel the horrifying shame that I felt that day when I walked into the house and told her. It was awful.
So stick with some inoffensive-as-possible cuss words, and don't mind if the kids pick them up. The boys are fond of "oh bother", and I'm just fine with that.
I'm a stickler for language around my boys, but I've been known to let a word fly here or there.
I do correct the neighbor children in my house on their language. One of them has stopped coming over to our house because he has no other words to use. Suits me.
My mother-in-law (a good, practicing Catholic, btw) is constantly, CONSTANTLY saying, "Oh, G_d!" at nothing that really needs His attention. Of course my older two would hear it and before we knew it, they were mimicking those words left and right, which lead to discussion of why that we don't take the Lord's name. And so the next time she came over and said it, my son (the 1st born) promptly said, "Nana, you're not supposed to say that. You can only say, 'Oh no!'"
Part of me was embarassed that she now knew that we'd had a coversation about her favorite quote, part of me was proud of my sweet boy trying to maintain his innocence, part of me was smug that someone had finally stopped this little irritation from my m-i-l,and part of me felt weird that my 3 year old was correcting an adult--should I have stopped him?
Fast forward 3 years to this past week, when my own mother was caring for the children while hubs and I were away celebrating our 10th anniversary. I called to check in, and my mother begins to apologize (and laugh) for teaching my two year old a new phrase..."dang it". Yep. She did. And the next thing she knows, said two year old is purposely jumping on the couch, landing on her bottom, and saying, "Ow! I hurt my bottom, DANG IT!"
And it's still going on a week later, except we're telling her to stop, so now she says, 'Hey Mom. DANG IT!"
Did I mention she's TWO?
*sigh*
I think my m-i-l is laughing at me in the background somewhere.
checking "follow up"...didn't have the option earlier when i wasn't signed in.
Nancy: Seinfeld is transcendent.
LG
It makes my brain hurt to even think about it. I hate (level V, right?) curse words and anything referring to bodily functions, never take the Lord's name in vain, but am extremely talkative and expressive, and if I can't say "Have mercy!" at least 4,382 times a day I may as well sit silent:-)
Love this post, love the way you break things down.
Amen to Joyce. It's all about the intention of your heart. This post honestly is a little risky to me. As I Christian, from the South, I see what you're saying. But you should be careful! What if a non-Christian read this. The Lord cares about our hearts, not legalistic rules that make us feel like we're in the right! I think it's important to note that in Eph 4:29, Paul says our words are to benefit others. I suppose you could make an argument that dropping a "damn" or "shit" when you drop something isn't uplifting to others, IF they are offended by such words. But I believe it's more appropriate to interpret the passage in thatwe must consider what we say TO people, or ABOUT people. So obviously "eff you" falls into this category. But there's nothing wrong with describing the Holocaust as f*cked up.
PLEASE tell me when you figure this one out, because I surely DO NOT know either. And it troubles me down to my very soul. My kids have picked up on my habitual "Good NIGHT!" and "Oh my word" and I just don't know what to think. I can't imagine what I'm to do with my mouth if those words aren't flowing from it.
To Mary: except that f*cked up is a very offensive, crude phrase. The swear word itself describes something that is NOT glorifying to God.
I hear what you're saying about the legalism. I agree. But some words are just never edifying, ever. The holocost was horrible. But surely there is a word to describe it that is not offensive to the hearer...
Great post, Missy! It's been a while since I've been in blog land, and this post hit my funny bone!
We homeschool and not too long ago my son was at a friend's house - he was there for the day so I'd sent work for him to do. While he was doing it, something happened to make him exclaim, "Holy Moly!" My friend explained to him that Moly is not holy - God is. And than son had to write 10 times down his paper, Moly is not holy. God is.
He completed his 'punishment' and when he was all done he said, "Well anyway, I got it from my mom!"
::faints::
Trust me when I say that mackerel, guacamole, cows and moly are no longer a part of the vocab when mentioning anything of a holy nature. I was convicted...and humiliated. Little pill for ratting me out.
Eww...is pill really a schedule something for another word?
No, it was f*ucked up. Pseudonym for "messed," and completely appropriate.
And honestly, I cannot believe that this is what some many of you are worried about. Break out of your conservative world! Surely you know someone who's suffering from a loss, or cancer, or their family has been torn apart. There are so many children with parents who pay them no attention, so many people who are out there lost and broken who need to hear the gospel that they're loved anyway and someone died for them regardless of their filth...and that's what we all are apart from Christ, filth. And your worried about cussing?! Go read about Jesus some more to see what He really cared about.
Of course the Holocaust was messed up, however you want to say it. However, I disagree with the dangerous human temptation to label sins based on degrees of "badness."
All sin is sin. There are no gradients as to the lack of imperfection. And by that truth, the sin of genocide is no worse than the sin of cursing my brother.
And possibly the sin of cursing, period. This is the thought that I was examining in this post.
Do I honestly believe that saying "fiddlesticks" or "oh my word" is a sin? No, I don't. But I did feel convicted of saying Jeez Louise, so I stopped.
Am I going to judge you for saying Jeez Louise, or f*cked up? No, because then I would be guilty of judging your speck and ignoring my own plank, which is, (let's say it all together now) just as bad a sin. Because all sin is sin.
I know exactly what Jesus really cared about while he was here on Earth: he cared about doing his Father's will and bringing glory to God. And as a follower of Christ, that is to be my primary focus - in ALL things, the big ones and the "little" ones, like cursing.
Does dropping F bombs glorify God? Is it my Father's will that I use, as Paul said, "coarse and unwholesome speech"?
Well, that is the question, isn't it?
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