Oh help me.
How much time do you have?
Because I heart me some television.
I know it is not an admired virtue. I get wide-eyed and more than a little insecure when I come across women who say, "Oh, we don't have a TV in our home." I nod and mumble, "Oh, good for you" while my children pull on my skirt with panicked and confused looks on their faces. I swat them and shush them, but there is a woman inside my brain whose hair just stood on end as she shouted WHAT?? NO TV?? HOW DO THEY LIVE?? and I have to tell her to shhhhhh too so I can hear the TV-free woman proceed to tell me about the fabulous crop of organic strawberries she picked from her backyard that made some heavenly jam which she then delivered to a homeless shelter which counted as a social studies lesson for her eleven homeschooled children.
I love that woman, I admire that woman, parts of me want to be that woman. But as that woman heads off to teach her Christian power yoga class, when I shout, "Don't be tardy for the party!" and she laughs uncomfortably, and then I know, heh heh, that I've won the Coolness Contest.
TV makes you cool. There, I said it.
And I am So. Cool.
And I'll cling to that delusion until they pry my remote control out of my cold dead fingers.
So, where to begin. My favorites. Starting with the reality shows:
1. Judge Judy. Oh, sweet Judge Judy. My first reality addiction, after losing dear Judge Wopner. I admit it is an odd addiction. But a deep one. And a very educational one - I have a post brewing on all I have learned from years of Judge Judy. I've learned a lot. Whew, law have mercy, have I learned a lot.
2. Project Runway: absolutely one of the best shows on TV. So many people I know don't watch this show, and I just can't fathom why. It's like denying yourself a great book. It is probably my husband's favorite show - yes, my husband. My 70-something mom watches Project Runway. (how'd you think I got so cool?) I wish Tim Gunn were my grandpa. Even though that's, um, highly improbable.
3. Top Chef. Again, so many of my friends love cooking, but don't watch Top Chef. Don't be put off by the tattoos or the bleeps (I've worked in the food industry - chefs cuss like sailors chefs.) What those people can do in thirty minutes with three words from a shot machine never ceases to amaze us. Winner prediction: keep your eye on the gorgeous brooding guy, as usual.
4. SuperNanny. I love the SuperNanny, and so do my kids, and I love to say, "If I didn't discipline you, that is exactly how you would behave. Say 'thank you Mommy'." For the most part, I agree with her discipline tactics. Mostly I agree with the fact that she tells children and parents that their behavior is unacceptable. I don't think enough of that goes on these days. Preach on, Jojo.
5. Real Housewives. Okay, I know, it's awful, I know. I know, okay? I know. Educational TV. Truly. Talk about some women who need some Jojo. Don't be tardy for the party (whoa oh oh whoa oh oh) (by the way, I really like Kandi. I could hang with Kandi. So nice to have a normal chick on there.)
6. Flipping Out. I love Jeff Lewis. I can't explain it...I just accept it.
Before y'all get all on me for Real Housewives (whoa oh oh whoa oh oh) just know that I do now not nor have I ever watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy or Desperate Housewives. And Sex in the City? I tried. It literally made me nauseous.
My point is, we all have our television weaknesses :)
Except for Organic Strawberry Jam lady. She has no television weaknesses, because, you know, she has no TV. Good for her.
1. The Office. Of course. We go way back with The Office - Walker loved the British version and was so excited when it was announced there would be an American version. Yes, he was the Barbara Mandrell of The Office. If you have not gotten into it, please let us convert you by loaning you our DVDs of Season 1, as we have done with so many former naysayers. Watch three of them, and you will be hooked. The Office brings us so much joy. And Walker frequently gets told that he reminds people of Michael, and I never quite know how to take that.
2. Big Love. Oh, we have big love for Big Love. So well written, well acted, feeds our Mormon fascination - what's not to love big? And always leads to interesting conversations regarding the pros and cons of bringing some sister wives into the Naptime household. Plus we love the opening.
Well, gee, that's about it for the non-reality. Huh.
A word about Mad Men - I can't say I love it because I am not caught up. I will, I promise, I will. I do love the clothes. For Walker's birthday last month we had a Mad Men party. I wore pantyhose for the first time since my wedding. That's how devoted I am to someday becoming devoted to it.
And yes, I borrowed that hair bow from my daughter.
My all time favorite show:
1. Drive Thru History, on History Channel International and sometimes in the middle of the night on TBN. This is a wonderful show starring Dave Stotts that looks at history without censoring the Christian influence. It started out as a homeschool curriculum, but then Focus on the Family picked it up and History Channel started showing it. Season 3, The Holy Lands, is in the works. It's funny and informative and well written. Really, really well written, especially the American ones.
And I'm not just saying that because the writer of Season 2 is really hot and snoring in my bed right now.
Okey dokey, your turn. Fess up.
Next week - favorite kids' TV shows.