Sunday, October 4, 2009

Time for a guest post

Hello all. Missy is braindead (her words, not mine) and asked me to wax philosophically on the old bloggy blog. Glad to oblige. Let's see, what can I wax about?

How about the enigma that is woman? Specifically the enigmatic woman that is my wife?

Three interesting things about Missy:

Missy is a creature who loathes silence. She abhors a noise vacuum. She often gets “bored” while showering and always calls me in to the bathroom under some false pretense to talk with her while she languidly washes her hair or shaves her legs. And then gets mad at me when I leave because it's hot in there. "Why are you leaving? Stay and taallllk to meeeee!"

After some party, dinner, or social event we both enjoyed, on the way home she’ll always ask, “So what did you learn?” as if I am debriefing the CIA regarding some covert spy mission I had just executed. She also can’t sleep unless there is a sound machine emitting static white noise or there is a constant drone of a TV turned on nearby (usually Judge Judy). Once she went on a road trip with a girl who did not turn the radio on while Missy slept, and she couldn't stop talking about it. "She drove the whole way back from San Antonio! In silence! SILENCE! How? Why?"

Recently I’ve noticed that while Missy is doing housework and there are no kids or husbands to keep her company she will download podcasts to her iPhone and listen to them while she folds laundry or cleans dishes. How does she do this while also keeping her hands free? Well she ingeniously jerry-rigs the cell phone in between the center of her bra and her clavicle.

Voila, problem solved!

Missy is also the ultimate multi-tasker. She routinely starts multiple concurrent projects at the same time, working on them to where they reach various states of completion, only to start a few more newer projects, leaving the “older projects” for another day, the aggregated affect being that most of the projects are rarely completed “on time”. This, of course, only adds to a general feeling of her feeling “overwhelmed”. The concept of starting one project, steadily working to complete that one project, then starting a second project only when the first project is 100% done is completely foreign to her. I mean, who works like that? Only a lunatic would do something like that!

Missy is a “good eater”. What I mean is that not only is she very adventurous in what she eats, she also eats lots of it. I don’t mean this as a slam, far from it. Our good friend Shelly’s husband Billy once described Missy as someone who “eats like a guy”. How true that is. Missy just loves to eat and isn’t dainty and reserved about it, especially in public. I have seen her do a super-cute, gleeful Arm-Wiggle-Chair-Dance when being served a plateful of mouth-watering cuisine. At buffets she will do back for seconds and thirds, without batting an eye. There are a couple of exceptions to this, however. She doesn’t have a sweet tooth (like I do) and she doesn’t like Japanese food, in general. Other than that, she’s game! Mediterranean platters of odd, nutty hummus-like porridge? Check! Strange pickled Korean vegetables? Check. Numerous bowls of Indian curries and spiced oddities? Double check!

She's a strange, strange woman. But she's my strange strange woman.

(Did that sound too much like the opening of Jon and Kate?)



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