Trick or treat!

The rumors are true!!!

happy halloweeeeeeeeeeeeeen

Ethiopia Adoption Q&A

So many of our family and friends have been asking questions about Ethiopia. I got another one today and thought, hey....I do have this thing called a blog...

Pretend we are at Starbucks...sipping some strong Ethiopian java.

Q: Why do you want to adopt?
A: The short answer: We want more children. There are children who want parents. Voila.

The long answer: God placed a love of adoption on both of our hearts before we ever met. Walker's favorite verse has always been Galatians 4:6-7 - it was one of the verses we chose to print in our wedding bulletin. Both of us feel that next to marriage, adoption is the closest earthly reproduction of God's love for us. We are blessed and honored and humbled to mimic our Father in this manner: to choose a child who is not of us, to call him or her our own, and make him or her our beloved heir - in the same way that the Lord did for us via the blood of our Savior Jesus Christ.

There are 147 million orphans in the world. That number makes me weep. I would mother all of them if I could. I can't. But I can mother at least one.

Q: What? Ethiopia? I thought you wanted a baby from China?
A: We did. I have dreamed of getting a little girl from China for years and years. Unfortunately, due to a variety of reasons, it is getting harder and harder to adopt from China and the wait is very long, as in 4-6 years minimum long. And personally, I just don't trust China not to shut down their program all of a sudden, leaving hundreds of parents and orphans stranded.

Q: So why Ethiopia?
A: The short answer: we don't have much choice. Most countries will not adopt out their orphans to homes with more than three previous kids. (Because an orphanage with hundreds of kids is better than a loving home with four kids? Don't get me started!!)

Also, we can get a baby from Ethiopia, and I want as tiny a baby as possible. Ethiopia is also one of the cheaper countries from which to adopt, the timing is quicker (15-18 months, usually), we only travel to Ethiopia one time and only stay about a week, and the process is pretty straightforward. Not that we had much of a choice, because did I mention most countries think an orphanage with hundreds of children is better than a loving home with four children??

The long answer:

• One in eight children die before their fifth birthday. (What? You need more reasons?)
• There are FIVE MILLION orphans in Ethiopia
• That is the same number of children under age 18 who reside in Massachusetts, New York State, and Washington DC combined. If every parent in those places died tonight - that would be similar to Ethiopia's orphan crisis.
• More than half a million of these were orphaned as a result of AIDS.
• Over 150,000 children live on the streets
• life expectancy in Ethiopia 39 years for males and 42 years for females. The leading cause of death is communicable diseases such as malaria, typhoid, meningitis, cholera, AIDS, tuberculosis, yellow fever.
  
• Woman have an average of 7 children and the maternal mortality rate is 1 in 14
  
• Ethiopia's neonatal mortality rate is one of the highest in the world - 49/1000 births with tetanus infection being the second major cause of infant/neonatal death.
• Ethiopia is one of the poorest countries in the world. Over half the population lives on less than a $1 a day. The average income in Ethiopia is US$100 a year. Almost 82% of the population lives on less than $1 a day.
• Malnutrition levels are among the highest in the world.
• Ethiopia is experiencing yet another drought now.
• Only 42.7% age 15 and over can read and write. The literacy rate for women is 35%.
• Only 18 percent of children reach grade five. That means 82% of children don't.

Added bonus: Ethiopia produces the cutest babies of pretty much anywhere on the planet.

The other country we seriously considered was Rwanda, which has just begun adopting.

Q: There are plenty of kids who need homes here in America. Why aren't you adopting one of them?
A: There are plenty of kids who need homes here in America. Why aren't you adopting one of them?
We believe that God is calling us to Ethiopia this time. You either get that, or you don't.

Q: Who is your agency, and why did you choose them?
A: Gladney in Ft. Worth. Gladney has been around forever (literally, it is the oldest in the country) and has an excellent reputation. One of my best friends growing up was a Gladney baby, so I have always known about it. And, they are in Texas. Which earns them even more points.

Q: How does all this work?
A: We are just beginning the paperchase now, which is extensive and overwhelming. As soon as all that is completed and we turn in what is called a dossier, we will receive a referral - hopefully by this time next year. A referral is a photograph of our child and information about him or her. After we accept the referral, the child will be taken from an orphanage to a home run by Gladney, where he or she will be loved and fattened up, essentially. Then there are two court dates. If we pass both of them the first time, we will plan our trip to go get our baby. And finally post photos on the blog!! We are hoping to have a babe-in-arms sometime summer or fall 2011.

I am on a yahoo adoption board, and lots of families passed court this past week. It is thrilling to see the rejoicing emails.

Q: Are you getting a girl or a boy?
A: We are getting a girl this time. Hopefully our baby will be less than a year old when we get him or her. And we have already named her Bethlehem.

Q: What if the baby has AIDS?
A: The babies are tested at least twice before they are adopted. The chances are very low. We are requesting a healthy child. There are many special needs children who need to be adopted, but I simply don't have the bandwidth for that right now. Maybe someday, when our children are older and more independent, that would be an option.

Q: Um, can I ask about how much this all costs?
A: Um, about 28,000 buckaroos.

Q: Oh, we could never afford to do that.
A: Most people can't. Most people can't afford a new car either, but when they want or need one, they seem to find the money somehow. {smile}

Q: Um, so, like, how are you getting that money?
A: Um, so, can we borrow about 28,000 buckaroos? We haven't figured all that out yet. But we know that God loves adoption and believe that He will provide.

(Please don't think that knowing that doesn't mean I don't have 12 count 'em 12 zits on my chin at the moment, my shoulders are hard as a rock, and my friend Nicole had to hug me today when I burst into tears. God is faithful - Missy is a stressbag.)

Oh, and, Uncle Sam gives you a $12,000 adoption tax credit. Cool, huh? Also, Walker's company gives an adoption benefit - many companies do. So we will get that back. We just have to come up with the money up front - that is the hard part. Small price to pay for another sugarlump.

(My fantasy is for our church to provide adoption grants to families as part of the missions budget. Maybe someday.)

Q: Will you put a little donation thingy on your blog like some people do?
A: Walker is not comfortable with that. But if I can figure out a way for people to donate miles to us for the trip over, I will.

Q: So you will actually go to Ethiopia?
A: Yes, for about a week. I have always wanted to go to Africa so I am psyched. And I definitely want to see the land that is giving us our baby. And no, we don't intend to take our kids. Unless we get LOTS and LOTS of miles donated!

Update: Ethiopia has changed the law regarding this: now we must attend the first court date, leave her there (which will kill me), then return about two months later. This added around $5-6K to the cost of the adoption, so the new total is now about $28K.

Q: How do the kids feel about the adoption?
A: Thrilled. Every one of them adores babies.

Q: How does your extended family feel about the adoption?
A: Some are more encouraging than others.

Q: Are you worried about being a white family adopting a black baby?
A: We know it will have its difficulties. We consider them minuscule in comparison to the difficulty of being an orphan in a devastated country like Ethiopia.

Q: Where can I get more information?
A: Oh, I am SO glad you asked. One of the best websites is There Is No Me Without You, by Melissa Fay Greene, who wrote a book of the same name that I have not yet read. It is a wealth of information, and this article says it all.

Orphan Sunday is coming up this Sunday. The website has lots of information.

You can google "Ethiopia adoption blogs" and be kept busy all night. Here is one of my personal faves. Just start clicking on her blogroll.

Gwen Oatsvall is one of my favorite people I have never met. She is currently adopting from Uganda - her new website with cute shirts is here.

You can also go to YouTube and enter in "Ethiopia adoption" and be kept busy all night. Have your Kleenex close by.

Few of my faves:



Our Journey to Elijah Mihretu - Ethiopia Adoption from Amy @ Filled With Praise on Vimeo.





See what I mean? I see these and I know, we'll find a way. We will find a way.

If I didn't answer any other questions, please leave me a comment.

And thanks for askin. ;)

Tonight I uploaded all the photos from my iPhone - all 331 of them. Here are some highlights.

One day I picked the kids up from mother's day out, and as we were leaving, the sprinklers came on. Much to their delight.


After the frolicking ended, I was loading soaking wet kids into the car and turned around to find, standing in the parking lot, a naked Maggie.


Shocking, I know.
I drove the five minutes home scared to death I would get pulled over by a cop and have to explain why I had a butt naked 3 year old strapped in her carseat.


Shepherd experiences pain in his chest wall sometimes, so we did some tests to make sure it was nothing serious. It isn't. But seeing my baby hooked up to a heart monitor sure made me count my blessings.

Korean BBQ date with my man. YUM. Delicious and the chance to play with fire.


Shep, at my mom's, posing like a gangsta thug. "Yo, touch my beanie babies and I'll cap ya."

Angry Maggie.


Couple months ago we met some friends at the zoo.
At the fountains, guess who did what:


Final night of VBS. I was so shocked to see my son dancing, I had to document it:

A serious case of mad cow disease:

Meeting (and falling in love with) Rosemary for the first time:

Dinner at Clay's Restaurant:

Thank you, Lord, for hand sanitizer.

My friend Tracy Jo, in town on a break from med school in Florida. This is the pose Tracy and I perfected several years ago at a wedding. You turn your back to the camera, then turn toward each other, then look over your shoulders.

I tell you what/verily verily I say unto you, it is the most flattering way to take a photo. Double chins and pooches magically disappear.

Puppy sitting, in an attempt to give my sons their dog fix without actually having to commit to a canine:

A boy and his bug:

I hired a personal trainer this summer and during our last sessions, we took photos so I can do my own workouts. Here I am in a plank. Sixty seconds, baby.


And now that I see how tight those pants are on my badonkadonk, they will never grace the Y ever again.

Sissy's birthday trip to Toys R Us:


Texas babies know exactly what to do with their chips:


The beautiful and precious friends of our supper club, at Cafe Express, plus Mrs. K.
We're getting C out of the house, as her daddy's quick death from cancer was the heartbreak of our summer:


We call it the Who's Pregnant Supper Club, because between us we have spawned 17 babies, so far (and C's due date is tomorrow!)

Sissy looking extra cute on the way to church:


A gorgeous day in Beth's backyard:

which is a sure sign that summer has officially ended.

Just imagine what they could have done with a little Final Net

I have a book called Exploring the New Testament World by Albert A Bell, which is one of my favorites in our little library. So much of the bible can be better understood when put in the proper cultural context. This book does a fascinating job explaining the difference between Pharisees and Sadducees and Zealots, and just how the Romans governed Judea, and what Jesus would have eaten for breakfast.

And how Mary Magdalene might have worn her hair.

Which we all know is just as crucial as understanding the benefits of Roman citizenship. And perhaps holier.

The other night I came across some paragraphs regarding the very important aforementioned topic. Did you know that when wealthy women had busts of themselves carved and displayed in their homes, they had detachable marble wigs that could be updated as the styles changed? Because she wouldn't want her friends saying, "Oh my Zeus, Flavia's statue's updo was so. BC. Girl needs to get in the millennium."

Listen to this from Mr. Bell:

The Romans' attention to grooming began early in the morning. Women devoted great care to arranging their hair in the latest style. Aristocratic women had slaves who specialized as hairdressers....References in the Talmud indicate that this fashion was followed in Judea. Jewish women wore such elaborate hairstyles, involving braids and hairpieces, that according to the Encyclopedia Judaica, "it was forbidden to undo a women's hairdo on the Sabbath because it involved the transgressions of 'building' and 'demolishing.'"

HA! So much for Texas big hair!! From now on, we'll call it Ancient Jewish Big Hair. Or Early Christian Big Hair.

Which confirms what a lot of y'all already knew: the higher the hair, the closer to Heaven.

Friday Faves - Favorite online/Etsy shop

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I am alive, y'all. I have just been on a little unplanned bloggy break. Partly because Walker was out of town all last week and oh my word, it takes me about a week to recover from that. Partly because I got all the adoption paperwork from Gladney and I have vacillating from being lulled to sleep by the endless drone from the printer to having a heart attack over the task before me. And partly because I just haven't had much to say, believe it or not.

So, now, Friday Faves: Your favorite place to spend your money on the internet.

I need y'all's help on this one. The majority of my online purchases are books from Amazon.com. Whoopdedoo, Amazon.com. I just don't shop too much online. Mainly I guess because I am a touchy-feely shopper. I need to caress before I can commit. (That's what she said.) (Sorry, too much Michael Scott.) (giggle.)

So help cool me up. Who's irresistible? From where can the best Christmas shopping be done via the comfort of your own butt? If you have your own online store, here's your chance to toot your own cyberhorn.

Next week's Friday Faves: Favorite candy!! Yum.

Boots!

Hey ebybody. Wook what I got!

BOOTS!!

He-ah's one.


He-ah's anodder. Dis one my fabit.


My boots can JUMP!
HOP! HOP! HOP!


You wike my boots?

Friday/Saturday/Maybe Monday Faves - Favorite Kids' TV shows

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Back when I wasn't going to let my kids play with Barbie dolls or guns, I also wasn't going to let them watch TV. Pardon me a minute...

Okay, I'm back off the floor and the giggling has subsided.

Along with a wonderful husband, Mothers Day Out, and my mommy, TV has saved me during these past few years. I could not have gotten through being pregnant over and over and over with toddlers and infants in my care without the beauty that is children's TV. And I ain't too proud to admit it.

Fortunately, in this glorious age of DVRs and On Demand, there is much high quality TV to choose from. Back in the olden days, with the exception of Saturday cartoons, we got Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers in the morning, and Electric Company in the afternoon, with little but banned soap operas in between. Sunday night came The Wonderful World of Disney, sandwiched between Wild Kingdom and Sixty Minutes. And - get this - you had to be there when they came on or you just missed them.

There is so much good stuff out there now for kids. PBS especially has come out with some phenomenal new shows in the past couple of years.

Here are some Naptime favorites:

1. Max and Ruby....RUBY and her LITTLE BROTHER MAX (do do do do do)



We all heart Max and Ruby. Shepherd claims it is for babies but even he will still stop building Lego bombs when he hears that theme song. Max and Ruby wins the longevity award hands down.

Max and Ruby are bunnies, and the plot lines are sweet and innocent. No monitoring required. This show could have been written in the 1940s, and I love that.

Poor Max and Ruby are among the millions of fairy tale orphans. No parents in sight - they are not even mentioned. Grandma does come to visit frequently, but soon leaves them to their unsupervised selves.

This might inspire you to call CPS, but listen. Ruby manages to keep three year old Max fed and bathed and mostly out of mischief and the house clean, all while getting her Bunny Scout cookies sold. And if that weren't enough, Baby Huffington's momma is constantly dumping him on her as well. As is Baby Shep, Baby Maggie, Baby Eva Rose and Baby Ike's momma.

At age eight, she's a far better woman than I am. Ruby is my hero.


2.

Shepherd's favorite hands to the down. I have mixed feelings about the show, and not just because of the childhood trauma of always being cast as Thelma instead of Daphne. Maggie can't watch it at all - it is far too sca-wy for her. And hey Shaggy - we all know why you have the munchies, okay? Scooby is, however, a rock star, so it must make the list, my misgivings and all.

3. Cailliou.


Calliou, a little French Canadian kid with alopecia, is jumping for joy because he's back in the Naptime household after a two year moratorium due to the whining and baby talk he induced in our home. Calliou is pretty annoying and his mother is certainly tripling her prescription of Prozac. Seriously, the child could and perhaps someday will burn the house down, and she'd find a way to praise him for it. Oh, Calliou, good job not splashing the gasoline!

So why do we watch? Because Calliou is hypnotic. For twenty-eight minutes my children are riveted, motionless. And twenty-eight minutes is just about the the time it takes me to make a phone call or catch a power nap on the couch...or compose a blog post.

4. Greatest Heroes and Legends of the Bible.

Oh, what a complicated relationship I have with TBN. While I think so many of their people should be burned as heretics for the abomination they promote called the prosperity gospel, some of TBN's good shows are really really good. This is one of them. My kids love it and the bible stories stick with them. As do the songs by the "aspirating woman/male" (Walker's description) like the one about Judas. Oh Judas you sold Jesus out...you're a backstabbing sneaky twofaced crook... See? Catchy.

I have just discovered the Smile channel, which is Christian shows for kids. So far we like Sarah's Stories, Bibleman, and a couple others.

Others we love:

• Word Girl - Word Up, Word Girl is fabulous
• Curious George - classic
• Sid the Science Kid - especially the My Mom is Cool song, um yeah.
• Backyardigans - I wish my kids liked this show as much as I do. And I wish I had named Maggie "Uniqua."
• Martha Speaks
• Dinosaur Train - new on PBS and great
• Olivia
• Sarah's Stories
  

For the itty bitties, Barney and Blues Clues and of course, The Wiggles.

Shep is just starting to get into real TV. He loves How It's Made, and much to my delight, What the Victorians/Tudors/Stuarts Did for Us. Any other suggestions?

Next Week Friday Faves:Favorite Online Store /Etsy (uh oh, that should be good. And just in time to give a shout out to some friends before Christmas.) To see all upcoming Friday Faves, click here.

Wednesday link love

One of my favorite bloggers Megan and her sweet self has come up with a way to bless a family in need - just the cost of a Pumpkin Latte will make a difference. Please go here.

It's been raining all day. Thankful for this website, has been keeping my little girls occupied making their own coloring books.

The San Diego Zoo Pandacam - who knew you could spend so long staring at a baby panda sleep?

Love Barbara's list of classic movies for boys

This is the website of a guy that Walker went to high school with in Japan. Look at his wave photos - wow. God is so amazing.

And lastly, this. Be blessed.

The Missy/Pissy Project

Apologies for the Schedule IV in the title.

Several weeks ago, my girlfriends and I all went to see the movie "Julie & Julia" together. You've probably seen it, because most people with ovaries in this country have. If you haven't, you should. Absolutely precious movie.

You wanna know why it was so precious? Because the Julie character was a complete fabrication.

You wanna know how I know this to be so? Because for the past week or so I have been reading the book that the movie was based on, The Julie/Julia Project, written by the Julie of the title. And y'all. Sweet, winsome, adorable Amy Adams she ain't. You bet your boeuf bourguignon she ain't.

Real life Julie - well. Um. Whiney. Kinda boring. Drops a whole lot of Schedule Is, IIs, IIIs, IVs and Vs. Works in any opportunity to declare all Republicans inherently evil, and is royally on my nerves. It's abundantly clear to me why Julia had no desire to meet her.

So why can't I put this wretched book down?

I had this same issue a few months ago with Bret Lott's A Stranger's House. Bret Lott is a great writer and the story was kind of interesting but I really hated the main character. For some of the same reasons I am not enthralled with Julie, come to think of it. I hated the book all the way to page 256. Then I told my mom how much I hated it. She borrowed it, hated it all the way through, and when she was done we had a little chat about how much we hated it.

It's a sickness, I tell you.

I am not the type to commit to any project. My home is full of my fabulous ideas that puttered out. I am halfway through a cross stitched quilt that I began when I first learned I was pregnant - in 2002. It shares a box with a incomplete cross stitch of Mary and Baby Jesus that I started in college. My little office under the stairs contains no less than three wreaths that were abandoned midcircle.

My wedding scrapbook is not quite finished.

And please don't even ask about the baby books.

So why do I develop such a pesky case of sticktoittiveness when it comes to a book, even a book I deplore??

I have about fifty pages left. Here's hoping I finish up tonight so I can be put out of my misery. My neurotic, voluntary, self-induced misery.

Cussin

Today I was in a conversation where one of the conversers mentioned the word Friggin. And another pointed out that Friggin, fricken, freaking, etc, is really code for that other word, and as followers of Christ, we shouldn't use any of those words.

And it's true. Sadly, I know it is true. I say sadly because I love to use the word freakin.

I'm a word girl (word up!) I love words, I love new words, I love the etymology of words. One of my favorite classes in college was The History of the English Language, and I am rather proud that I can still recite the beginning of The Canterbury Tales in Middle English, which is almost a foreign language. If I were to win the lottery, one of the first things I would buy would be a big ole Oxford English Dictionary.

Being that I love words, all words, I love local vernacular and I love slang. And I even love me some cuss words.

To me, there are levels of cuss words: Schedule I: the ones that I have never said, either because they are so foul or blasphemous; Schedule II: the bad ones; and Schedule III: the ones that you don't allow your kids to say, but sometimes you can, especially if you are referring to a donkey or the opposite of Heaven. Schedule IV are the ones which are the ones that aren't really bad, just tacky. You know, butt, fart - all the ones Shepherd loves at the moment. Schedule V are words that "someone" has determined to be bad, namely, "stupid." Which is stupid. But I've already discussed that.

So, no, I normally don't cuss, for three reasons. Number one, I think it is plain tacky and disrespectful. Even in my wild UT days, if a boy cussed in front of me on a first date, he would not get a second. Number two, I have these kids that I try and behave in front of. And then there's number three: because I love Jesus.

There are several verses, namely Ephesians 4:29, that exhort that we simply aren't to talk like that.

But I tell you what (verily verily I say unto you), sometimes, like when I trench my own yard again or when I splash bleach on a favorite shirt, or even when I need to let my husband know that my anger is not pretend at the moment but very very real, it just feels very good to let one of those Schedule II's fly.

I'm not proud, y'all, I'm just honest.

Those times are fortunately rare. What is much more prevalent in daily life is the use of the substitutionary cuss words. Like friggin. We know what it means, and out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks, right? If our heart is saying the real F word, when we use a weenie version, we aren't fooling anybody.

Even our kids.

Most of our "innocent" cuss words are easy to trace back to their blasphemous origins. A favorite of mine happens to be Jeez Louise. But Jeez is just short for Jesus. Dadgumit? Rearrange some syllables and consonants and it's a Schedule I. Same with Gosh dangit.

When I hear someone swear Oh my God, I cringe. But what about Oh my gosh? Oh my goodness? Oh my heavens? Oh for Pete's sake? Let's be honest, all are euphemisms for God or his home or his disciple at the gate. The meaning is the same.

Even the ones I do say in front of my kids: heck, darn, dern, dang, shoot, shikeys, holy guacamole - the mouth says Schedule IV, the heart says Schedule II.

Then there's my favorite, the most innocuous sounding one of all: Oh my word. What does that mean? I think it probably means Oh my {insert cuss word here}.

My grandma used to be friends with a lady named Jean Petty, which I thought was the most beautiful name ever. I remember her sitting at my grandma's table over dominoes, saying "Well I declare" in response to my grandma's stories. Except when Miss Jean said it, it sounded like "Well I. De. Clare." Is "I declare" okay, or is it the toned down version for swearing?

Is it just as big a sin to say the real curse word as it is to say the weenie one?
Or are some obviously not okay (freakin) while some truly are innocent (oh my word)?

And what would one insert? How is "Oh my word" more toxic than "Wow" or "No way" or "Get outta town" or "Ooo chile"?

Y'all, I don't know. I just don't know.

If it is, it presents a very big problem for me, a Texan girl who is very expressive and known to be dramatic who loves words and who talks a lot.

For the love of Pete, what in tarnation am I supposed to do??

Friday Faves - Favorite TV shows

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Oh help me.

How much time do you have?

Because I heart me some television.

I know it is not an admired virtue. I get wide-eyed and more than a little insecure when I come across women who say, "Oh, we don't have a TV in our home." I nod and mumble, "Oh, good for you" while my children pull on my skirt with panicked and confused looks on their faces. I swat them and shush them, but there is a woman inside my brain whose hair just stood on end as she shouted WHAT?? NO TV?? HOW DO THEY LIVE?? and I have to tell her to shhhhhh too so I can hear the TV-free woman proceed to tell me about the fabulous crop of organic strawberries she picked from her backyard that made some heavenly jam which she then delivered to a homeless shelter which counted as a social studies lesson for her eleven homeschooled children.

I love that woman, I admire that woman, parts of me want to be that woman. But as that woman heads off to teach her Christian power yoga class, when I shout, "Don't be tardy for the party!" and she laughs uncomfortably, and then I know, heh heh, that I've won the Coolness Contest.

TV makes you cool. There, I said it.

And I am So. Cool.
Y'all.

And I'll cling to that delusion until they pry my remote control out of my cold dead fingers.

So, where to begin. My favorites. Starting with the reality shows:

1. Judge Judy. Oh, sweet Judge Judy. My first reality addiction, after losing dear Judge Wopner. I admit it is an odd addiction. But a deep one. And a very educational one - I have a post brewing on all I have learned from years of Judge Judy. I've learned a lot. Whew, law have mercy, have I learned a lot.

2. Project Runway: absolutely one of the best shows on TV. So many people I know don't watch this show, and I just can't fathom why. It's like denying yourself a great book. It is probably my husband's favorite show - yes, my husband. My 70-something mom watches Project Runway. (how'd you think I got so cool?) I wish Tim Gunn were my grandpa. Even though that's, um, highly improbable.

3. Top Chef. Again, so many of my friends love cooking, but don't watch Top Chef. Don't be put off by the tattoos or the bleeps (I've worked in the food industry - chefs cuss like sailors chefs.) What those people can do in thirty minutes with three words from a shot machine never ceases to amaze us. Winner prediction: keep your eye on the gorgeous brooding guy, as usual.

4. SuperNanny. I love the SuperNanny, and so do my kids, and I love to say, "If I didn't discipline you, that is exactly how you would behave. Say 'thank you Mommy'." For the most part, I agree with her discipline tactics. Mostly I agree with the fact that she tells children and parents that their behavior is unacceptable. I don't think enough of that goes on these days. Preach on, Jojo.

5. Real Housewives. Okay, I know, it's awful, I know. I know, okay? I know. Educational TV. Truly. Talk about some women who need some Jojo. Don't be tardy for the party (whoa oh oh whoa oh oh) (by the way, I really like Kandi. I could hang with Kandi. So nice to have a normal chick on there.)

6. Flipping Out. I love Jeff Lewis. I can't explain it...I just accept it.

Non-reality:

Before y'all get all on me for Real Housewives (whoa oh oh whoa oh oh) just know that I do now not nor have I ever watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy or Desperate Housewives. And Sex in the City? I tried. It literally made me nauseous.

My point is, we all have our television weaknesses :)
Except for Organic Strawberry Jam lady. She has no television weaknesses, because, you know, she has no TV. Good for her.

1. The Office. Of course. We go way back with The Office - Walker loved the British version and was so excited when it was announced there would be an American version. Yes, he was the Barbara Mandrell of The Office. If you have not gotten into it, please let us convert you by loaning you our DVDs of Season 1, as we have done with so many former naysayers. Watch three of them, and you will be hooked. The Office brings us so much joy. And Walker frequently gets told that he reminds people of Michael, and I never quite know how to take that.

2. Big Love. Oh, we have big love for Big Love. So well written, well acted, feeds our Mormon fascination - what's not to love big? And always leads to interesting conversations regarding the pros and cons of bringing some sister wives into the Naptime household. Plus we love the opening.

Well, gee, that's about it for the non-reality. Huh.

A word about Mad Men - I can't say I love it because I am not caught up. I will, I promise, I will. I do love the clothes. For Walker's birthday last month we had a Mad Men party. I wore pantyhose for the first time since my wedding. That's how devoted I am to someday becoming devoted to it.


And yes, I borrowed that hair bow from my daughter.

My all time favorite show:

1. Drive Thru History, on History Channel International and sometimes in the middle of the night on TBN. This is a wonderful show starring Dave Stotts that looks at history without censoring the Christian influence. It started out as a homeschool curriculum, but then Focus on the Family picked it up and History Channel started showing it. Season 3, The Holy Lands, is in the works. It's funny and informative and well written. Really, really well written, especially the American ones.

And I'm not just saying that because the writer of Season 2 is really hot and snoring in my bed right now.

Okey dokey, your turn. Fess up.
Next week - favorite kids' TV shows.

Help us Lord.

Today Eva Rose was pushing her dolly around her baby carriage. The doll was wrapped tightly in a blanket. I watched as she carefully placed another blanket over the entire basket, as if to keep out the sun or the mosquitoes, or the swine flu germs. She looked so precious. Images of her future danced through my brain and my heart.

I smiled adoringly at my sweet girl. "You are such a good mommy."

She looked at me with an odd, slightly menacing little grin.

"I'm not pretending to be a mommy. I'm pretending to be a baby stealer!"

Dear TF,

Before we get started, I just want to ask if you are well? Perhaps you have the swine flu. If so, can I leave some chicken soup out for you tonight?

Or perhaps the recession has hit you too. If you are having trouble coming up with the money, we can help. Things are tough all over. We're struggling like everyone else, but we could cover you, just this once. You don't have to be embarrassed. Just ask.

Maybe you, like so many, have had to reduce your workforce. Are you short staffed? Was there a big layoff recently at TF Inc?

Maybe there was some other misunderstanding. Perhaps Shepherd wasn't clear enough about what he wanted from you. One might think that this would be very clear:



what with the written word and the visual aid drawing of a dollar bill, with the little pyramids and all. Perhaps not.

I am assuming that one of these scenarios has befallen you. I refuse to believe that you simply forgot to visit Shepherd's room last night and leave him some money in exchange for his tooth.

Now, as gracious as I am trying to be, I must remind you, Fairy, that this is not the first time this happened. You forgot last time too. Then, I went back upstairs while he ate breakfast and pretended that it had just gotten lost in the sheets, and came back down with his reward.

You still owe me a dollar, by the way.

But I am letting you know right now, I am getting fed up with covering your sparkly little behind.

I don't know what the problem is. I thought that with Obama in the White House, these type of things wouldn't happen anymore?

And listen, Fairy, your job here in our home has just begun. You'll be making at least 96 more visits to our home over the next few years. Two words for you, Sparkles: step up.

I have informed Shepherd that each time he loses a tooth, I am going to email you a reminder. I have asked him to remind me to email you many, many times during the day. Repeatedly I have told him to remind me that you are due to come. Over and over. And every time he does, I will be emailing you.

I hope that we can resolve this civilly, woman to woman. I would hate to have to file a complaint with your superior. But you should be aware that I have Santa's number programmed into my phone, and I'm not afraid to text him.

I look forward to conducting successful business with you in the future.


Sincerely,

Shepherd's Mom


ps - that's pizza on his teeth. As opposed to rot and decay. FYI.

Time for a guest post

Hello all. Missy is braindead (her words, not mine) and asked me to wax philosophically on the old bloggy blog. Glad to oblige. Let's see, what can I wax about?

How about the enigma that is woman? Specifically the enigmatic woman that is my wife?

Three interesting things about Missy:

Missy is a creature who loathes silence. She abhors a noise vacuum. She often gets “bored” while showering and always calls me in to the bathroom under some false pretense to talk with her while she languidly washes her hair or shaves her legs. And then gets mad at me when I leave because it's hot in there. "Why are you leaving? Stay and taallllk to meeeee!"

After some party, dinner, or social event we both enjoyed, on the way home she’ll always ask, “So what did you learn?” as if I am debriefing the CIA regarding some covert spy mission I had just executed. She also can’t sleep unless there is a sound machine emitting static white noise or there is a constant drone of a TV turned on nearby (usually Judge Judy). Once she went on a road trip with a girl who did not turn the radio on while Missy slept, and she couldn't stop talking about it. "She drove the whole way back from San Antonio! In silence! SILENCE! How? Why?"

Recently I’ve noticed that while Missy is doing housework and there are no kids or husbands to keep her company she will download podcasts to her iPhone and listen to them while she folds laundry or cleans dishes. How does she do this while also keeping her hands free? Well she ingeniously jerry-rigs the cell phone in between the center of her bra and her clavicle.

Voila, problem solved!

Missy is also the ultimate multi-tasker. She routinely starts multiple concurrent projects at the same time, working on them to where they reach various states of completion, only to start a few more newer projects, leaving the “older projects” for another day, the aggregated affect being that most of the projects are rarely completed “on time”. This, of course, only adds to a general feeling of her feeling “overwhelmed”. The concept of starting one project, steadily working to complete that one project, then starting a second project only when the first project is 100% done is completely foreign to her. I mean, who works like that? Only a lunatic would do something like that!

Missy is a “good eater”. What I mean is that not only is she very adventurous in what she eats, she also eats lots of it. I don’t mean this as a slam, far from it. Our good friend Shelly’s husband Billy once described Missy as someone who “eats like a guy”. How true that is. Missy just loves to eat and isn’t dainty and reserved about it, especially in public. I have seen her do a super-cute, gleeful Arm-Wiggle-Chair-Dance when being served a plateful of mouth-watering cuisine. At buffets she will do back for seconds and thirds, without batting an eye. There are a couple of exceptions to this, however. She doesn’t have a sweet tooth (like I do) and she doesn’t like Japanese food, in general. Other than that, she’s game! Mediterranean platters of odd, nutty hummus-like porridge? Check! Strange pickled Korean vegetables? Check. Numerous bowls of Indian curries and spiced oddities? Double check!

She's a strange, strange woman. But she's my strange strange woman.

(Did that sound too much like the opening of Jon and Kate?)

-Walker

Testing testing...Philippians 4

So today officially begins it. We sent our application to Gladney, and this morning we did the phone interview. Now we need to fill out a longer application, and begin a huge gigantic paperchase that will result in us getting a baby girl or a baby boy - tentatively named Bethlehem (Beth) or Gideon (??) - in Spring of 2011.

After we fill out that longer application, we will write our first check.

Today Judy from Gladney went over the costs for us. First $300 here, then $660 here, then $2,225 here, then $1,550 here, ad nauseum...and I got a little lightheaded. After the phone call, my emotions ranged from giddy with anticipation to dizzy with panic.

Only an absolutely crazy fool would look around at our too small for us, messy, damaged home full of very young children, and say, "Let's go to Africa - AFRICA - and get another one. No clue how we're gonna pay for it. But there are orphans who need families - and family is the one thing we've got. Let's do it."

I am that fool.

And let me tell you, with tears in my eyes, how my soul praises the Lord I am married to just as big a fool. A fool who holds my shaking hands and says, "God's gonna provide, baby. No worries."

For as long as I can remember, it has been my soul's desire to do only three things: get married, have babies, and adopt orphans.

How blessed am I that in Walker, God has given me not my soulmate, but my Spirit mate.

And what just occurred to me is this: this adoption will cost almost exactly as much as our wedding did. Oh, how the Lord encourages me!

Let's do it.
No worries.
God's gonna provide.

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will be back next week

God bless Texas