Tuesday, February 23, 2010

"I would love to adopt but my husband isn't on board"

I can't tell you how many times I have heard a woman say that to me. She always says it with a very wistful look in her eyes. It breaks my heart every time.

I was blessed to know I wanted to adopt for years before I was married. Soon after engagement, I told Walker, "If you marry me, we're going to adopt, either from China or foster care, okay? Whether we get pregnant or not." He shrugged and said, "Sure. That's cool." Which confirmed for me that he was, indeed, my Ton O'Bricks.

But I was a weirdo. The normal woman probably doesn't think of adopting an orphan until she is already married and has experienced motherhood. Then her heart cries out for children who don't have a mother to love them in the same overwhelming way that she loves her babies. She imagines her own child, alone in an orphanage, and that thought keeps her awake night after night. She knows she can't go get them all, but maybe she could have just one. So she brings the idea up to her husband. At first, he just thinks his wife saw something on Oprah when she was PMSing. But then she keeps bringing it up. No matter how many times he says he's not interested, she just won't let it go.

This is the woman who whispers to me, "I want to adopt so bad, but my husband..."

I look back at her and shake my head and say, "I hear that a lot. I'm so sorry."

And then I fantasize about grabbing her husband by the collar and shaking him and screaming "DUDE! MAN UP!!" in his face.

Which probably wouldn't be very effective. Not only because I am only 5'1 so unless he were an extremely petite man, if I could reach his collar I seriously doubt I could even jiggle him. But also because one thing I have learned in seven years of marriage is this (y'all might want to grab a pen now and write this one down): A shrieking women generally isn't a very persuasive woman.

Trial and error, girls, that's how we learn, trial and error.

Maybe if I were a man, I would be able to reach men about adopting. Not just a man, but what if I were a football coach!! THEN I would really know how to get inside their big ole man heads! I could make a video and put it on YouTube about what a blessing adoption is, saying that I understand their fears about money and all that guy stuff. I could even tell them that they could email me or hey, call me if they had any more questions.

If only I were a man...like Scott Oatsvall...then I might could reach them...

I might even throw in a beautiful little Chinese girl with a Tennessee accent, as a visual aid, to remind them exactly what it's all about.


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