Missy is short for

Melissa
FOR THE RELIEF OF OCCASIONAL
STRESS AND INSOMNIA

Spotted at my local CVS.

Something tells me it doesn't work.

Links for a rainy weekend

Please, please hear Kay Warren discuss orphan care in this Focus podcast. Go here, and search for the November 16 broadcast. I am seriously considering putting this on CDs and passing it out to everyone who raises an eyebrow when we say we are adopting an orphan from Africa.

I really want Mandi to make me this menu board. I know exactly where I would hang it.

36 Christian Ways to Reduce Stress

Have y'all been following the Rifqa Bary case? It makes me need to reduce stress in about 36 ways. Please pray for our little sister.

I just got an awesome deal on diapers and wipes, shipped straight to my door (glory), thanks to Money Saving Mom (Up and Ups are my favorite brand, btw. The polka dots are adorable on Ike's booty)

And lastly, the blog world has been rocked recently by Lisa Smith's frightening news. Please hop over and intercede to the God Who Sees for sweet Lisa, and join her facebook Prayer Wall.

My heart is heavy tonight, y'all.
Between Lisa, and Debra, and Haiti, and several other stories I have heard lately - I know y'all also have those days when you just feel the weight of the sin of this world. I strongly believe that when we intercede for others, God transfers some of their pain away from them and onto our hearts. And it wearies us. But what a blessing to be a member of this miraculous Body of Christ. Better that many should limp than that one should fall!!

Keep warm and dry -

America's Next Top Siestas

As promised.

Because I am all about keeping promises.

Unless the promise was, if you do not clean up, you will not go to your very first baseball practice. Then I want to break the promise, because it kills me K I L L S me to have my baby boy miss his first baseball practice.

But Daddy is here to enforce the Law when I want to modify the promise.

So as my sweet baby boy cries himself to sleep upstairs (sigh) I shall blog away the pain.

Tears on my keyboard...

The weekend was fabulous. Not only because I got to finally see Deirdre, her husband Martin, and her precious baby Ginny

(insert photo of Deirdre and Martin and precious baby Ginny that did not make it on to the CD from CVS because I still have not found the thingamathing)

and stay up until 2am talking to her.

And not only because our husbands totally hit it off, and I mean, totally, they are now BFFs.

(If you are married then you know how rarely you set your husband up with a friend's husband and they actually hit it off. Jenny and I have calculated it - it happens once every five years.)


and not only because we discovered Gumbeaux's, the best Cajun food restaurant I think I have ever, ever been to


Ever. Yes, even better than Pappadeaux. (Notice the kids in the back who are already too cool to sit with their parents.)

And not only because the I love girl time more than almost anything. Or because I got to see old friends and meet new ones. Or because Beth taught on Psalm 119, which is very special to me because of a time when I was young single and stupid.

But for another reason as well.

Remember back when I blogged about how Tracy Jo and I had discovered that the best way to take a photograph was to do the Back Twist Perfect Pose, where you hold hands and turn around and smile? Which is so Perfect because it makes you look skinny AND VERY IMPORTANTLY you can always crop off your butt ESPECIALLY if your butt is under an oatmeal covered sweater that makes it look GINORMOUS.

Well.

Friday night I started to take a photo and someone - can't recall who - said "Let's try the Perfect Pose!"

So we did.

Deirdre and moi

We tried it

moi and Beth

with anyone

moi and Travis Cottrell.
In Modified, Non-Hand-Holding Perfect Pose.

who

Amanda and moi
Could she look more gorgeous? Seriously, she proves my point completely!
Meanwhile I'm working the Zoolander.

came around

moi and Lindsee.
Lindsee was bending down y'all. She was making herself shorter.
And yet she still towers over me. How pathetic is that?
And I am more than a tad disturbed at how lopsided my eyes are.
At least they match several other mismatched body pairs o' mine.

and was willing

Marla Taviano, aka, Possibly the Sweetest Person Alive.
She could only be sweeter if she were shorter. Or if I were taller.

or

moi and Georgia Jan, who is very fabulous.
And part of her >Missy height is hair. Fabulously.

we ran into

Susan Kirby, Living Proof staff, and Nice Mystery Lady

untilmoi and Melanie/Big Mama

my camera batteries died (DOH) or else we would have gotten a Perfect Pose with every siesta there.

But next year, Siestas, my camera will be charged to the hilt!!
Get ready!!

Adoption update

So many of you have been asking what our status is, so I shall now give you a little rundown on our Journey to Bethlehem.

Okay, so that's the first news! IT'S A GIRL!!

Or, rather, IT'S GONNA BE A GIRL!

All along, Walker wanted a girl. First, because he just loves baby girls. Second, because he says that it is harder for women in a third world country. I said we would pretend we were pregnant and take whatever came, which probably would mean a boy. And that is okay, because baby boys make me melt into puddles of simple syrup.

But the truth was, I secretly hoped it would be a girl.

Then I wrote the post last month about Mary giving birth to Jesus. As I researched birth practices of 2,000 years ago, it occurred to me that things have really not changed much in Ethiopia, where 1 in 27 women will die in childbirth. Additionally, another 500,000 annually will suffer lasting disabilities from childbirth. Some of which will contribute to her life ending, on average, by age 53.

And that is when I just accepted the fact that I really, really wanted a little girl. And since I get to choose for the first time ever...I'm choosing a girl.

And her name with be Bethlehem, aka Baby Bethie.

Giggle giggle pink pink pink!!!

Okay, so where are we in our quest?

We have turned in our first set of Gladney applications, and are waiting for them to schedule our homestudy with us, which is where a social worker comes to our house, spends several hours making sure we are not total loons, while we bribe our children with cough drops to please at least act like trained monkeys until she leaves.

I have some more Gladney paperwork to do, in addition to our dossier, which is the big huge daunting nightmare inducing stack of papers filled out by us and everyone that knows us, that will ultimately be notarized, signed in blood, sealed with a kiss, and sent over to the Ethiopian government.

We also decided to hire someone to help us complete said dossier, a wise decision considering I can't get a load of laundry put away, much less get a stack of papers almost as high as my laundry stack authenticated the three times.

What does 'authenticated' mean?

'Xactly.

My goal is to have all the paperwork completed by Easter. Then, we will be put on the wait list for a referral, which is when they send us a photo of a baby girl and say, "Do you want her?" and we say, "Um, YES!!!" The average wait time for a referral right now is eight months. I am aiming for a very cute Christmas present.

After the referral, Gladney will represent us in court twice, and after we pass both court dates, we will hop on a plane. Which will hopefully - prayerfully - be before next Easter.

Soon I will post how God has met our needs financially in ways that have made me shake my head in awe and wonder. Of course I wished He would just write us one big fat check - but thus far, His method has been to provide us with exactly the amount we have needed exactly when we have needed it.

It's like He's trying to make it abundantly clear Who's in Charge or something.

Until I can write all the details, just trust me - the Lord is glorifying Himself mightily.

On that note -

1. My precious buddy Amber has volunteered to host a garage sale as a fundraiser for us on March 6. If you would like to donate stuff to it, email me! Bring it on! One woman's trash is another woman's trash that might make some bucks!
   
2. I am excited about this one - I am in the process of designing some t-shirts to sell on the blog. I honestly think they are going to be the coolest t-shirts. Cool. Est. So cool. Way cool!!
   

I shall now attack some laundry.

Laundry that has been sitting there so long, it might launch a defense.

PS - I am attending a seminar in Houston this Sunday about Haitian adoption, mainly to find out more information, since several people have asked. I will report back what I learn.

I lost the thingymathingy that hooks up my camera to my computer.
So I ordered another one off eBay.
It came today.
It won't fit.
And I am too lazy to run up to CVS, like I did after the bloggy meetup, and sat until 11pm, waiting on Jolene in the photo department to make my CD, emailing Amanda (who suggested I eat all their Valentine's candy to get them to move on it), only to find out that Jolene had gone on home. I just don't have the energy for that at the moment.

My point is this: I have some really, really, really awesome photos from the Siesta Fiesta. Trust me.

Tee hee hee.

OH, HAPPY DAY!!!!

Here in the Naptime Abode, caffeine is treated with honor and reverance. And as I have mentioned before, I live for the holidays when my Coffee-Mate Peppermint Mocha makes its annual appearance, heralding the birth of the Christ child.

Then, as if my post-Christmas depression weren't deep enough, it just disappears.

A couple of weeks ago, I sent an email to Nestle. It went a little something like this:

Dear Nestle,

I plan on writing my congresswoman and letting her know that I have found the solution to combating terrorism in our country. When the terrorists are captured, we should give them Peppermint Mocha Coffee-Mate with their coffee every morning for a month. Then, it should be abruptly removed.

The terrorists will then say ANYTHING to have their Peppermint Mocha returned to them. All the evil plans of Osama bin Ladin will be FOILED!! FOILED!!

On a more serious note, why, oh why do you torture me, a patriotic American, by not selling Peppermint Mocha Coffee-Mate all year round?

Sincerely,
Melissa Naptime
Concerned Citizen


Several days later I received a very formal email from Beverly Watson, Consumer Response Representative at Nestle. She informed me that an addendum to the Geneva Convention had determined that Peppermint Mocha must indeed be sold year round. Okay, not really, her email was actually disappointingly boring but she did say that it was now sold year round and I should contact my local store manager.

Bev also assured me that "at Nestle we are dedicated to you and your family throughout every phase of your lives" so I am going to email her later on today and see if she can babysit Saturday night.

Last week while on fortnightly pilgrimage to Kroger I was prepared to whine and beg and plead with my dealer Kroger manager, whatever it took for him to hook me up.

But first I went to my non-dairy case and LO AND BEHOLD, there was Peppermint Mocha!!! Three weeks after Christmas!!!

It's V-Day for Momma!!

I was very glad that my children were with me when I did the hoop and the holler right there in the non-dairy aisle so that I didn't look weird. I mean, I did look weird, but it would have been weirder if I had been all alone at the time.

Praise the Lord and pass the Peppermint Mocha!!

Top Ten Questions I Hardly Ever Asked Before I Had Children

1. What is that smell?
2. What is all over my hands?
3. Why won't you nap?!?!
4. When has whining ever worked for you?
   
5. Did you hear me calling you?
6. What is this all over my floor?
7. Can you hold it till we get home?
8. Where is the remote control?
9. Where is your other shoe?

And number ten:

10. Why do you feel the need to break everything??


Leave your own in the comments - I know you have some too!

For the love of girlfriends and Mexican food and IBC on tap

Several months ago Amanda and I started tossing around the idea of getting some Houston bloggers together. But as you may know, when you have little kids? And then Christmas comes along? Ah, the unrequited dreams.

Then a couple of weeks ago Amy said, Hey, let's get some bloggers together for dinner!

The dream became a reality last night.

Look at all these rockin blogstars!

Top row:
Julie/Elisharose News, Amy/Mom's Toolbox, Beth/Not a Bow in Sight, Ashley/Life Beyond the Pink, Lindsee/Lindsee Lou, Missy/Barefoot Family, Amanda/Baby Bangs, Kristin/Kiki's Crowd

Bottom row:
moi, Callie/Smith Live, Heather/Step Inside, Debra/One Girl, Kristen/We Are THAT Family, Leslie/The Late Bloomers, Allison/ It Feels Like Chaos, Michelle/ Usr/bin/mom.

We chatted, we laughed, and as for myself I even got a little teary talking to both Kristen and Heather. It was just so much fun.

How much of a blessing are girlfriends???

The only thing that could have made last night more magical were if, while all these amazing women were either catching up or getting to know each other, some beautiful election results came in from Massachusetts.




Oh wait! That did happen!!


Yes, 'twas one enchanted evening.

Lindsee getting her baby fix with precious Jude

And if that weren't enough, my bestest friend I have never met is coming to see me Thursday night, and then we will be at the Siesta Fiesta this weekend.

I am going to be riding such an estrogen high I may never come down!

Regarding unplanned pregnanicies, of which I know a thing or two

MLK day is a good time for a rerun....

I feel for Zechariah.

He was a good man, a very good man. A priest. He loved the Lord. He was a rule follower. Yet for years he and his wife Elizabeth had suffered the ultimate ancient-times disgrace - infertility. Elizabeth was barren. No amount of praying, no amount of you-know-what, had produced the child they longed for. Perhaps a miracle could have occurred at some point during Elizabeth's child bearing years, they had certainly asked for one. But now - well, now they were definitely way too old.

Zechariah is chosen by lot to light the incense in the temple - the highlight of his career, so to speak. It's a big day. After he lights it, he prays, he opens his eyes, and there is an angel standing right there who tells him that, after all this time, his prayers have been answered! Not only is he going to have a son named John, but this is going to be Some. Special. Son. One who will bring joy to everyone and, in the spirit of Elijah (major biblical times buzz word - they knew Elijah meant Messiah On Board) "turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord." (Luke 1:17)

WOW! This is some big announcement. So does Zechariah rejoice? Does he whoop and holler and praise God and thank the angel?

Nope. Standing just feet from the Holy of Holies, confronted by the angel Gabriel, majestic and terrifying in all his full-on, I-have-a-message-from-God angel glory, Zachariah responds, "How can I be sure of this?"

Let's paraphrase this, shall we? It's as though Zachariah says, "I really don't think you know what you're talking about. I'm old. Liz is old. A baby? Oh, silly angel, that's impossible."

Gabriel is understandably ticked off. So much so that he strikes Zechariah deaf and dumb for the next nine months, until after John the Baptist is born.

I understand his disbelief, I really do. He had tried for years and years and years to have a baby. He had done everything in his own power to make it happen. Probably tried every old wives tale in the book, drank all kinds of herbal potions, consulted every specialist. All to no avail.

I was a lot like Zechariah. Throughout my twenties, I really, really, really wanted to get married. I read books, I consulted hours with friends. I even, in a latenight act of desperation, ordered a DVD from an infomercial. I tried to twist the arm of many a man into putting a ring on my finger. All to no avail.

So then when it seemed to me that God dropped a certain "we're just friends" man out of the sky and into my lap with a wedding proposal, did I jump for joy? Did I whoop and holler and praise God?

Well, yes, initially. But very soon, I felt like Zechariah. I had prayed for a husband for years, sure. But not this one. I did indeed love this proposer but you see I had a plan, and this? This was not it. I had to confess I even felt a little perturbed with God for mapping out my life and choosing my husband without even discussing it with me.

And later, like Zechariah, I also had a baby come when I really wasn't planning on it. I had prayed for children, oh yes. But I wanted them to come on my terms, when I determined they should come.

I prayed for God's will to be done in my life, but then when he did it, I sounded a lot like my (surprise pregnancy) three year old daughter, crying out, "Me do it!"

Also, like you, I have had devastating things enter my life that I would never have asked for. Times when I really felt that I should be in control, not God.

Six months into Elizabeth's pregnancy, an angel appears to a young unmarried girl. He tells her that she will bear a child, a child whose reign over his kingdom will never end. Good news! Mary will never suffer the shame of her cousin, and the fruit of her womb will the Son of the Most High.

But it is also frightening news. News that might destroy her world, and will certainly wreak havoc on all her plans. She will be an unwed mother, who will have to explain things to her fiance, and her parents, and her community. She will risk being disbelieved and mocked and outcast and possibly even stoned to death. And she didn't even know the worst of it yet - Simeon reveals to her later that she will suffer pain like a sword piercing her soul, because she will eventually lose this very beloved son. (Luke 2:35)

Mary asks Gabriel almost the same question as Zechariah - almost. And yet, her response revealed so much about her faith. Mary says, "How will this be?" How is God going to accomplish that which God has already determined that God will do? The angel graciously fills her in on a few of the details and then Mary says, "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said." (Luke 1:34, 38)

We are now in the new year. I have a whole list of resolutions. I have lots of plans for 2010. I feel sure than 2010 will bring many joys. But it is possible - well, it is certain - that 2010 will bring us all some disappointments as well. Some surprises. Some unexpected kinks are destined to be thrown into our plans.

Some things are going to enter our lives this year that we will just flat-out have absolutely no control over. Some may be joyful. Some may be difficult. Some may pierce our souls like a sword.

We may not have control over what the Lord wills for our lives in 2010, but we will have control over how we respond to to it. Will we be a Zechariah, and doubt the providence and sovereignty of God? Will we feel annoyed at our holy God invading our lives? Will we cry out, "Back off God! You don't know what you're doing! Your timing stinks! ME DO IT!"

Or will we be Mary? Will we stare at our circumstances for what they are, and declare, "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said."

I am praying now that I will be a Mary this year. That I will trust in my God, my protector, my very present help in times of trouble, the author of my faith and the shepherd of my life. I am praying that daily my faith will remain strong and that my soul will magnify the Lord, and not my circumstances.

Can I do it by myself? Absolutely not. I am a selfish self-centered sinner who can do no good on my own(oh, you too?) But the Lord has told me that his grace is sufficient, that his Holy Spirit will guide me, and bring God's Word to my mind to remind me that all things work for the good of those who love the Lord.

And therefore I know that 2010 will be a year of abundant blessings.

The Munchkin Soup Lady Cooks

To tell the truth, I have felt like anything I want to blog about is just going to sound so trite and dumb and ridiculous considering there is so much suffering going on in Haiti right now.

So all I can really do is discuss food.

My friend Carolyn sent me an email last week that kind of went like this: "Missy, I need some soup recipes, and since you are the Soup Lady, can you share some?"

And I thought, Moi? The Soup Lady? My word, a kinder title has never been bestowed upon moiself! (I know I just sounded way Miss Piggy.)

(The only thing kinder said to me all week is when my pilates teacher called me Munchkin today whilst she searched for a smaller ball for me. Now, there was a time, when Munchkin might have rubbed me the wrong way. But that was four babies and a good case of diastasis recti ago.)

I shall accept with honor and pride my title of Soup Lady. And I shall now share some of my favorite recipes because y'all, it's soup weather with a capital Weath.

Missy's The Soup Lady's French Onion Soup

4 onions, sliced thin
1/4 cup butter
3 cans beef stock
2 cups white wine
1 t. Worcestershire (more, more, more!)
salt & pepper to taste
french bread and Swiss cheese slices

Saute the onions in buttah. Add the remaining ingredients and simmer for about 30 minutes. To serve, put a hunk o' bread in the bottom of the bowl, a slice of cheese on top, and ladle the soup on top. OH MY WORD IT'S SO GOOD.

PS - I made this last night and all we had was red wine. It was good, but different. Walker loved it but I prefer the white.

PPS - before I met Prince Charmin, this one was filed under Impress the Boys.


Cheesy Potato Florentine Soup,
aka Frog in a Blender

This recipe was originally from Cooking Lite but I have tweaked it because honestly, leeks are not normally in my fridge while the rest of this stuff always is. It is so fabulous. My kids all loooooove this soup. And I could eat the pot. Ergo, I always double this recipe.

butter
2 cups thinly sliced onion (or leeks - as if)
2 cups frozen Southern-style hash brown potatoes, thawed
1.5 cups water
salt & pepper
16oz chicken broth
1 10oz package frozen chopped spinach, thawed, drained, and squeezed dry
1 cup shredded Mexican blend or cheddar cheese
3/4 cup milk
dash of Tabasco

Saute the onions in butter till clear. Add the hash brown potatoes and next 5 ingredients (potatoes through spinach). Bring to a boil; reduce heat, and simmer 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.
Here comes the part I hate: Place half of potato mixture in a food processor or blender, and process until smooth. Pour puréed potato mixture into a large bowl. Repeat procedure with remaining potato mixture. Return puréed potato mixture to pan. Stir in cheese and milk; cook 1 minute or until thoroughly heated and cheese melts. Serve with some decadent bread.

Crockpot Tortilla Soup

1 carton chicken broth
4 chicken breasts (shred before serving)
1 can tomato sauce
1 can chopped tomatoes
1 can Rotel or another can of tomatoes*
2 cans beans (I used black and pinto)
1 onion, diced fine
1 can corn, drained
1-2 T garlic
1 T chili powder
2 t cumin
2 t pepper
1 t salt

cook on high 4-5 hours
top with tortillas, avocado, cheese
* I love my Rotel, but my children couldn't handle the spiciness. Sissies.


So Easy You Should Be Ashamed Potato Soup

1 16oz bag frozen shoestring hashbrowns
1 C chopped onion
1 can chicken broth
3 C water
1 can cream of celery soup
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 C milk
salt & pepper

Combing hashbrowns, onion, broth and water and simmer 30 min - Stir in canned soups & heat thoroughly. Yum. Embarrassed, aren't ya?


Pesto Chicken Soup
from Desperation Dinners
not that I'm ever desperate around dinner time, oh no, not moi.

2 skinless boneless (do I really have to say that?) chicken breasts, in bite size pieces
1 cup frozen chopped onions *
28oz chicken broth
1 can diced tomatoes, drained
Broken spaghetti - about 1/3 a package
1 t Worcestershire sauce
minced garlic to taste
1/2 cup half-n-half -or- I use 4 oz cream cheese because of its permanent residency status in my side by side
1/4 cup prepared jarred pesto
salt and pepper

Saute the chicken and onions in olive oil. Add the broth, cover and bring to a boil. Add tomatoes, Worcestershire, spaghetti, and garlic and reduce to simmer. Cook at a slow boil till the chicken is cooked through (about 6 minutes.)

Remove from heat. Stir in the white stuff and pesto.

* I deplore chopping onions. I just discovered frozen chopped onions a couple of years ago and it has CHANGED MY LIFE.


Minestrone

To give you an idea of how old this recipe is, I got it from Cosmo. Cosmo, y'all! I wouldn't let that raunchy rag in my house now! But in college I thought it was cool and oh-so-grownup. Things have changed, thank you Jesus. Despite its slatternly roots, I have never had minestrone in a restaurant that was as good as this one.

2 cups beef stock
3/4 cup beer or wine
4 carrots, sliced thin. Thinly.
medium onion, chopped
3 celery ribs, chopped
1 cup chopped cabbage*
1 can diced tomatoes
1-2 can(s) Italian green beans, drained
2 cans kidney beans, drained and rinsed because they are so slimey when they come out of the can blech
canned (or fresh) sliced mushrooms - you decide how many, mushrooms are very personal
1/2 t. rosemary
3/4 t. chili powder (weird, huh?)
1/2 cup thin spaghetti
Parmesan cheese
Garlic bread, of course!

In a large pot combine everything but the beans and spaghetti. Simmer for 30 minutes. Add both the beans and break the spaghetti into about 1 inch pieces (you better get out your ruler and measure it EXACTLY) (just kidding) and cook till the spaghetti is al dente.

It's so good and your house smells fabulous now.

* You're gonna have lots of cabbage left over, so plan another recipe with it for tomorrow. Like the way my momma makes it/God intended it, cooked on the pot with bacon grease and onions...mmmmmm.


I feel better now, thanks y'all. And the vanilla shake that Walker just went to get me from McDonald's and the premier of Big Love is about to make me feel even better.

Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly

Missy, you seem so tired and grouchy today. Whyever so? WELL, SINCE YOU ASKED...

3:30 this morning - I wake up, for no reason, convinced it is time to get up. Look at my phone, see the time, and go back to sleep.

4:45am - my burglar alarm goes off. In the middle of the night. When I am sound asleep. When my husband is out of town.

4:46am - I try to calm down three screaming children who come running down the stairs. And myself.

4:47am - I grab my cell phone and wait for the alarm company to call me to make sure I am not dead. The alarm company that takes our hard earned money every month. So that they can call me. If my alarm goes off in the middle of the night. When my husband is out of town.

4:48am - Still waiting for the alarm company to call to make sure I have not been axe murdered.

4:49am - STILL WAITING FOR THE BLANKITY BLANK ALARM COMPANY TO CALL AND MAKE SURE THAT I AND MY FOUR CHILDREN HAVE NOT BEEN AXE MURDERED. I call the constable myself, whose number is programmed into my phone. The constable that our neighborhood pays a whole lot of money to. So that he can get here, in a hurry, should my alarm go off at 4:45am when my husband is out of town, after my alarm company calls him, to check and see that I am not axe murdered.

4:50am - I try to call the alarm company. I get voice mail. I try another number that they gave me and I wrote on my keypad. It is a wrong number.

4:51am - I grab a blanket to wrap around myself as I am freezing in just a t-shirt, but since the keypad says the alarm went off in my bedroom, I am too scared to go back in there and grab my pajama pants because of the axe murderer waiting in there.

4:52am - Children are sort of calm. I tell them it must have been the wind. Even though secretly suspect it is an axe murderer.

4:52am - Children start crying again.

4:55am - I call the constable, the one that my neighborhood pays a whole lot of money to keep personally, so that they can get here in a hurry should an axe murderer ever break in my house at 4:45am when my husband is out of town, and ask politely JUST WHERE IN THE EVER LOVING WORLD IS HE.

4:58am - The constable comes. He checks things out. Finds nothing. Says maybe it was the weather? Excuse me? And if it were the weather, why couldn't it happen at 4:45pm? When my husband is in town?

5:00am - Shep takes inventory of constable's flashlights, guns, and handcuffs. Politely requests that he can keep the handcuffs, as he can't find his. Constable politely declines.

5:05am - Constable leaves. I set the alarm. Shep goes back upstairs.

5:06am - Shep says he is too scared to sleep alone. I say he can sleep with me, even though I know it will be the equivalent of having three Yorkie puppies in my bed.

6:00am - Amazingly I drift back off to sleep.

7:00am - Kids wake up. I beg them to make themselves cereal while I try and sleep.

7:45am - I stumble into the kitchen and make coffee, and cancel our scheduled activities for the day.

8:45am - I take Shep to school, thirty minutes tardy and not caring less. I walk him in wearing my robe and slippers, looking like hades and not caring less.

9:30am - 11am - I doze on the couch while my exhausted and whiny children watch cartoons. I dream I got to the mall wearing my robe and slippers and run into everyone I know.

noon: very grouchy kids go down for naps.

12:30pm: I call the alarm company, the alarm company that we pay our hard earned money every month to protect us, the alarm company who, the one time I had a possible repeated break in by an axe murderer malfunctioned, and they clarify that nope, they are not receiving any signals from our house. I ask, how long have we been paying our hard earned money every month for nothing? They say, no way to know. I ask them to come fix it. They say, sure we can be there tomorrow, and THAT WILL BE EIGHTY FIVE DOLLARS FOR A SERVICE CALL.

12:31pm: I look for a new alarm company.


(Walker is home now, Mr. Axe Murderer. And our alarm is still hooked up.)

Where bad guys go when they die

Today Eva Rose was sent to her room, for about the 80th time this week. Oh, I exaggerate. It was probably only the 70th.

After justice had been restored (ahem) we discussed how she had sinned, and how as her mommy who loved her, I could and would not allow her to sin without receiving discipline. To which she responded, "But I'm so bad! I sin all the time!"

"Me too!" I said. "Oh, I do too, Sister! I'm so glad Jesus forgives us!"

And then she said, "I sin so much, I'm afraid I'll never get to heaven!"

I need you to imagine that sound of the record being stopped. You know: "errrrrROP!"

"What did you say?" I asked.

"I'm afraid I'll never go to Heaven!"

"Eva Rose, who gets to go to Heaven?"

And then my child, my Reformed raised, covenantal, catechised, sermonized, biblized since she was infant baptized child said, "The people who go to Heaven are the people who are good! And I sin so much I'll never get in!"

Shocked, I set her straight.

A few minutes later, I asked my son, "Shepherd, who gets to go to Heaven when they die?"

"Good guys. Not bad guys. Just good guys."

Sigh.

I was raised going to church. I was there every Sunday morning. Youth group, Sunday school, ski trips, bible studies, blah, blah blah, blah blah.

After graduation I moved in with a girlfriend and became friends with a guy named Mike. Mike had just become a Christian and boy, was he excited about Jesus. I liked Mike, but his new Christian t-shirt wearin' bible thumpin' self was truly annoying. He listened to Christian radio and everything. (Insert eye roll.)

People like me, the ones who grew up going to youth group and Sunday school and church camp and ski trips, we were far too cool to listen to Christian radio. Or talk about Jesus, just, out of the blue. Much less get excited about Jesus, if we were to start talking about him, out of the blue, which we would never do.

Mike was over for dinner one night, and told how he had experienced some major turbulence on a flight that day. As his plane rolled and his stomach with it, he reported that he had looked at the friend seated next to him and said, "Well, at least we know that if we die today, we're going to Heaven!"

I put down my fork and looked at him, incredulously. "Well (tsk) you don't know that."

Mike looked back at me even more incredulously, "Well, yeah, I do know that."

The conversation moved on.
But I couldn't stop thinking about what he said.
How could he know that?

A few weeks later, my life fell apart. Really fell apart. A whiny, wounded, blubbering mess, Jesus Lovin' Mike invited me to Metro Bible Study. And there, sitting in the red chairs - amidst the distraction of hundreds of the cutest, un-nerdiest Christian guys I had ever seen and some of the coolest music I had ever heard - the little girl who had been in church every Sunday her entire life heard the Gospel for the very first time.

Here is what I learned:

I get to go to Heaven.
Not because I'm good.
Not because I try to be good. I can never, ever be good enough to get into Heaven.
But the good news is that Jesus Christ died on the cross, putting to death all my sins.
So that whosoever believeth in him - whosoever ONLY believeth in him - whoseover do NOTHING BUT believeth in him - whosoever be a BIG FAT SINNER LIKE YOU, MISSY JO, but just believeth in him - shall not perish but have life everlasting.

DID YOU HEAR ME???
I'M GOING TO HEAVEN WHEN I DIE.

It was right there in my bible and everything!

Holy cute Christian boys, Mike was right!! So that's why he was all excited!!

And then my life did a 180 (a painful, slow 180) and I grew up and got married and had four kids and told them this very, very good news every single day of their life and our church has told them this every Sunday aaaaand they still don't believe it.

Walker and I discussed this tonight, and he said, "It's just so hard to believe that you can't earn your way in, that grace is a free gift from God. It goes against everything we believe in our hearts."

Then he added, "Our kids weren't born a blank slate; they were born a corrupted slate. We don't just have to tell them the Truth, we have to erase what they already believe."

I was 25 or 26 years old before I believed the Gospel.

My kids are 5 and 6. I'm not sure when they'll believe it.

How old are you?

You might be like me, and never really heard it before. It's true, my friend, it's true. Jesus Christ died for our sins, rose again, ascended into Heaven, sits at the right hand of God, and now, for those who believe that he alone is the way and the truth and the life, there is no condemnation. You didn't choose it and you can't lose it. Because it's so not about you. AMEN!

Or you might be like Shepherd and Eva Rose. You may have heard it over and over, you've studied it, you can even recite it and you have the AWANA patches to prove it. But do you believe it? Has the corrupted slate of your heart, the slate that says you don't deserve it, that it's not right, that it's not possible, that it's not even acceptable that God could love you, really love and really forgive you, as false and sinful and messed up and gross and filthy as you are?

Oh, it's a bitter pill to swallow. It's so hard to believe that Jesus Christ died for the bad guys. That God wants us, the bad guys, to be with him forever. It goes against everything we know, against everything we feel, everything we think is right and true. It's an utterly ridiculous message.

That's why it's such Good News.

My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights!
Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:17-19, The Message

Killer community groups

But I'm only 15 in Genesis years

One of the greatest things about this B90D thing is that Walker has agreed to do it with me. Yippee!! Which has lead to fun discussion about the bible. You know, the way we used to discuss the bible together, all deep and smart and stuff - approximately four children ago.

Today we met for lunch (a rare, rare treat) and compared our thoughts about Abraham and Sarah. Walker said, "What always amazes me about Sarah is how hot she was. Even when she was OLD, she was so beautiful that Abraham had to lie about her being his sister. And she was old. Really old. I'll never understand that."

Now, in case you aren't familiar with the story, Abe and Sarah were technically half-siblings. But twice Abe told Sarah to pretend they weren't married because he was afraid that other men would say, "Man, I'd kill for a date with Sarah," and then, literally, kill for a date with Sarah.

The first time that happened, Sarah was 65.
The second time it happened, she was 90.
Ninety. Nine-oh. And hot. Taking the crown in every Mrs. Geriatric Canaan pageant she entered.
(Some said she didn't look a day over 89.)

I shared with him my theory on Sarah's ageless beauty, which goes like this:

I read once that the reason that people in the very beginning lived to be 969 like Methuselah or 950 like Noah is because disease and cell mutations and the like had not had time to profligate to the point that their lives were shortened. So one would assume that, at the age of 100, they certainly wouldn't look like anything like a 100 year old person looks now. They would not be showing the signs of decay and age at anywhere near the rate that we do.

Since Sarah lived to be 127 years old, when she was 65, she was only halfway through her life. So, in "Genesis years" she was only around 40. At 90, she was around 50. Still a cougar, sure. But there are many beautiful 50 year old women, and I know tons of hot 40 year olds.

At which point my husband said, "Much like yourself."

At which point I winked at him and played footsies under the table.

After our lunch I kissed my husband goodbye and as he returned to the factory, I drove to a resale shop. There used to be a men's consignment shop near me where I would take Walker's old clothes to earn a little money, but it went under. Recently I saw Plato's Closet, and thought, ah, maybe I can take them there now.

Plato's Closet, despite its name, is for youngsters. Very hip, trendy clothes. But, most of Walker's clothes are either Banana Republic or Gap, and twenty year olds wear those, so they should want his, right?

I gathered up his trendy-enough clothes, and threw in several of mine as well. Mostly from the Gap, Banana or Old Navy. Some still with tags on. Sure, they were a couple years old, but hey. I'm still cool. I don't dress that differently from a twenty year old, right? A top is a top, right?

I handed the big crate of clothes to Cool Young Bepierced Guy behind the counter.

As I waited for CYBG to go through our cool-enough clothes, I looked around myself. They will either give you cash or store credit. Maybe I could find some t-shirts for myself. A t-shirt is a t-shirt, right?

I did start to feel a little old when thoughts like, "I'm sorry, there is no way I would pay $10 for a used shirt, Abercrombie or not" and "I guess Hollister must be something cool" and "Oh my word, those pumps would kill my feet!" The main sign I was out of my element was when I started flipping through the skirt rack -- only to realize that it was the tube top rack. Oh.

Soon - sooner than I expected - CYBG called my name. I walked up to him expectantly, wondering how much money I was about to get.

"Actually," he said, "we couldn't accept any of your clothes. The styles were either kinda out of date or too...um...mature for our inventory."

Oh.

"Thanks," I squeaked, as I lugged my pile of too-mature clothes back to my...um...minivan.

As I slunk out of the parking lot, I told myself, it's okay, I'm sure they wouldn't have wanted any of Sarah's clothes either.

Reading the Bible in 90 Days - My Top Secret Trick

You may have noticed that since I started reading the bible in 90 days, the blogging has been a little lacking. And no, I am not all the way caught up - but I'm doing okay. I've read far, far more of Genesis than I had read by January 5, 2009, I'll tell you that much.

And I can't believe I didn't tell y'all this before - because this is a huge fantabulous method I have for reading the Old Testament.

Ya ready?

I read The Message translation.

Last year when I resolved to, um, read the bible thru in a year, I decided to read The Message. It was like reading the book for the first time. So many things jumped out at me that I didn't remember reading before, even in books I had studied. (Like Korah - I am still not over how I didn't know about Korah before. And how often I think about Korah now. Poor Korah.)

The Message also makes it easier to skim certain parts, like much of the Book of Numbers. Because I know this may shock you, but lots of Numbers? Is numbers. The Book of Numbers is God's gift to nerds.

If you don't have The Message, I highly recommend you purchase one. I don't use it for in depth study (for study, I use my NET or ESV) and when I read the New Testament I reach for the comfort and familiarity of my NIV. But for normal reading - especially if I want the Word I have read so many times to sound fresh and give me a new insight - which is frequently when I am reading the Old Testament - I grab my Message.

The Message is also a great teaching tool to use with children, youth, Aggies, and anyone for whom English is not their first language.

If I were to buy one now, I would get this NIV/Message Parallel Study Bible. I wish I had seen this before Christmas, I would have asked Santa for one.

Are you convinced yet??

Bible in 90 Days

If you are in, please be sure and go here to link up.

Come on, jump in. All the cool kids are doin it!!

O Come Ye Who Are Slackers - Read the Bible in 90 Days With Me

Happy New Year!!

One of my resolutions this year is to be more organized. More disciplined. Yada yada yada I say this every year. I mean it every year too, but then, like, well, life happens.

I was raised by a very (eternally frustrated) orderly woman. And truly, I am much more organized than a person with my temperament should be, because I was raised by her. And that, my friends, is the miracle of adoption.

Problem is I'm a Rule Breaker. Part of it is my rebellious nature, part of it is laziness, part of it is totally subconscious. All of it is sin, don't get me wrong, I'm not denying that. It just seems that some of us are more prone to sin than others.

Can I see a show of hands for the more-prone-to-sinners?

I have some Rule Following friends. Friends whose offices look neat and orderly and their papers are - help me - filed. People whose cars are always inspected on time and don't um, exaggerate a tenintsy bit when they sign their kids' I-read-20-minutes-a-night sheet.

Friends who read their bible every. single. day.

Amy is one of those friends.

Amy is one of my heroes. Heroines. (Not the drug, the girl hero.) (I am sure Amy has never done drugs.) (She is way too much of a rule-follower.)

Not only is Amy sweet and funny and the hostess with the mostest but her desk - y'all. I'm gonna take a picture of it the next time I am at her house. It's so neat it's disgusting. And her kids' crafts/scrapbooking room? I covet. I sit on her little Pottery Barn kid chairs and I covet.

And around October Amy asked if I would join her Bible in 90 Days Blogging Challenge. And October Missy/AmyWannaBe said, "Sure!"

And then a couple of weeks ago, the Christmas cookies hit the fan at the Naptime household. December Missy's head was spinning like a Christmas tree (I know that makes no sense, which is appropriate.) Which happened to be right about the time that Amy and the other organized bloggers started gearing up for the challenge.

And I kept meaning to do it. And Amy kept sending me sweet "Um, have you gotten my emails?" emails. And I began to think, maybe I can start on January 15, do a Slacker Challenge.

Then tonight, I decided that I was just going to email Amy, bow out, and apologize for being the crappiest friend on the planet.

And then I remembered that for the past couple weeks my prayer every morning has been for God to fill me head to toe with his discipline and order, because of my own nature, I have none, zero, nada. But I can be disciplined, I can be orderly, through the power that has already been given to me via the blood of Jesus Christ, should I choose to utilize that power.

And I remembered that the best way to tap into that power is, you know, BY READING THE BIBLE.

And that if I want power daily, then I SHOULD PROBABLY READ THE BIBLE DAILY.

So...I'm in, sweet Amy, I'm in.

And I would oh, so love for you to join me. If you want to, tonight, read Genesis 1-16.

WE CAN DO THIS!! If you don't start tonight, then start sometime this week. It's all good.

And now I am just going to completely copy Amy's post on the way it works. Because that's what rule-breaking slackers do.

***********************

Bible in 90 Days: Let’s Get Started!

Posted on December 31st, 2009 by Amy

I am thrilled that you have decided to read the Bible, cover to cover along with me, in 90 days. I assure you this will be an incredible experience. And I can also assure you there will be moments that you will doubt that you can finish it all by March 31. But you can. And you won’t be alone.

I am here to help you get your reading done. I see my role as part tour guide, part cheerleader and, most of all, part your prayer partner. I will be praying for each of you to get through your reading and hear just what God has for you to hear through each passage.

Every aspect of the Bible in 90 Days program is designed to help you to achieve that goal. Seeing as we are an online community and not one who will meet in person, I have made a few modifications to the original plan.

Typically groups meet in person once a week to watch a video, discuss the reading and video, pray and hold each other accountable in the reading progress by wearing color-coded nametags as whether individuals are up to date in their reading or not.

Instead, here is what you will do as part of the challenge:

Sign up here so we all know who is reading along with us. Even if you have signed up on another blog please do so here as well.

Log onto Bible in 90 Days.org and listen to an audio message which will expand on the week’s reading every Friday. You’ll find the lessons under “Hear Weekly Lessons.” I would recommend you listen to the Week One message today before you begin reading, if at all possible. (You’ll need to create an account on Biblein90Days.org to access the audio files.)

Sign up for the daily email message of encouragement from the ministry while you are on the Bible in 90 Days.org site. This email will give you great tidbits of information to get more from your daily reading. It will also list each day’s reading assignment.

Read 12 pages a day of the Bible in 90 Days program Bible. If you have decided to use a different Bible, you may download this reading schedule and use it with any Bible. Your chances of success greatly drop if you use a different Bible, though, so please consider purchasing or borrowing an official Bible in 90 Days Bible if at all possible. I want you to succeed.

While reading, absorb what you can and let the rest go. Do not go and research every question you have. If there is something you can’t stand not knowing, write down the question and keep moving. You do not want to get bogged down in details. Your goal is not be an expert in the Bible by the end of this. Your goal is to read, attentively, every word of the Bible in 90 days.

Log onto MomsToolbox.com every Monday to let us know where you are in your reading. I’ll post where you should be and you post a comment as whether you are there or not. If you aren’t up to date, please don’t poke around and get lost in the internet. (If you are behind, we want you spending your time reading the Bible, not blogs.) Just let us know you aren’t up to date, and where you are if you feel like it. I’ll know you are still in for the challenge and I’ll know to pray for you, as others might do, as well.

Join the group for a Tweet-up every Monday night from 8-9 CST (this is a new time) to ask questions, discuss the reading and video and encourage each other. Please follow @MomsToolbox and use #B90Days to join in the conversation. This will replace a weekly in-person meeting time, so set this time on your calendar and stick with it, as any other small-group meeting time.

We need community to make this happen. If we all know to be on the internet at the same time we can visit then and not worry about ‘missing’ anything throughout the week while we are reading. If you have a question throughout the week, consider holding it until Monday or commenting on a post on a my blog.

Alright… I think that covers it. Ya still in? Hop on over and watch that video and sign up for the newsletter. It’ll take about 30 minutes. Then get reading!