Monday, July 18, 2011

Confessions of a rookie communion server

To all the children of my congregation to whom I handed yucky wine this morning instead of grape juice: I'm very sorry. Hope you liked it...I mean, didn't like it, or whatever...I'm just sorry.
To all the mothers of the children to whom I handed wine this morning instead of grape juice: please forgive me. I can only hope that in some way it helped contribute to a restful Sabbath. 

To the pregnant women to whom I handed wine instead of grape juice: I just assumed you didn't. Lord knows I was grateful for that solitary allowed thimbleful of wine when I felt like a whale and it was 100 degrees by 10am and had just gotten myself, couple of ornery toddlers and my husband looking halfway cute and hauled all of us up to church. None of y'all refused, so I think we're good, but sorry just in case.

To the woman in the orange dress: I am sorry I stared at you. But I was battling a huge impulse to say, "Oh, I LOVE your dress!" and then tell you how I am going through and orange phase now and don't you just love orange? especially with turquoise? and your dress is to die for and so retro but has that waistline that is SO flattering and you look fantastic in it and where'd you get it and what's your name? I'm Missy. Do you go here? HOWEVER. I didn't feel that was appropriate, as I was passing out the symbolic body and blood of our Lord and Savior and it might ruin the sacredness of the moment for you.  So I froze whilst pondering these things during the two seconds you stood before me. That might have freaked you out. Sorry.

To all of you who couldn't understand me when I handed you the cup: I'm sorry, but I had a little stage fright. I wanted to be original, and come up with different things to say, at least try and have a rotation of sayings, but all I could come up with was "the blood of Christ" and I felt stupid saying it over and over so I tried to switch it up a little but then I just ended up getting tongue-tied. Sorry. 

To my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, whose body was broken and whose blood was spilt for me: I'm sorry I'm so shallow, so worldly, so prideful, and so self-focused that even as I participate in this holy sacrament, my mind is on anything and everything but you and your sacrifice on the cross to take away the sins of the world.

Oh, how do you put up with me, Lord??

Have mercy on me.


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