Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Call me the coolest (non-homeschooling) mom EVAH

After day five of summer/full on kid power with no sanity break, Momma was in desperate need of some retail therapy. Tonight I decided that it would be wisest to head on over to WalMart to feed the beast. I am not a WalMart girl, so I figured I could not do too much damage there. I steered clear of Target. Waaaay clear. Cause it's been quite a week, y'all.

For those of you who have asked if I intend to homeschool, well, there's your answer. Not unless we win the lottery so I can support all the retail therapy needs that will ensue from trying to get my ornery kids to do what I want them to do 24/7. And since we don't buy lottery tickets, that means the chances are slim to none.

I just can't do it. Nor do I have even one teeny tiny desire to. Okay, occasionally after watching The O'Reilly Factor I feel the teeniest tiniest of desires, but it always subsides in less time than it takes Maggie to artistically enhance the nearest closet door with a black Sharpie. I have so much respect for you homeschooling moms, and I am glad that the option exists should any of our children not thrive in a regular school setting. But we will be praying to Jesus that they thrive. Thrive, babies, thrive.

Back to WalMart.
Can y'all just bear with me for a moment while I am a wee bit judgmental?

What does a mother have to be smoking to bring her child barefoot to the WalMarts?

The thought - the. very. idea - of naked feet on a WalMart bathroom floor - - pardon me while I go breathe into a paper bag.

Okay. I'm back.

Tomorrow the kids start swim lessons and then we are headed to the beach (yippee!) and Maggie is in need of some bathing suits. WalMart actually has some very, very cute OP swimsuits for toddlers.

Okay, bear with me again. I told y'all it has been a bad week.


Why do toddler swimsuits need to have the sides cut out of them, like this? Could we at least wait until the kids are in kindergarten before we try to sexualize them? Is that really so much to ask?

I'm done.

I found one for Mags on sale for only $7, and decided that Eva Rose could use another one as well. There was a so cute mod orange and brown striped tankini that I just loved. I put it in the shopping cart, admiring it, and then - I spied another one.

And I was faced with quite a conundrum.

The thing is, I am just not into the whole "licensed character" thang. I just think that Dora dresses and Sponge Bob t-shirts are, well, um, tacky. You know me, I would keep 'em in smocking till high school if I could.

Problem is I have an almost five year old daughter who is very, very into the Disney Princess thang.

As a compromise I have decided that cartoon characters is why God gave us pajamas. I let them be as tacky as they want at night. Alone. In the dark.

But tonight, before me, was a pink (oooo, I LOVE pink Mommy!) swimsuit with ruffles (ooooo, Mommy, I LOVE ruffles!) emblazoned with the Princess Trinity: Belle, Aurora and Cinderella (ooooo, MOMMY I LOVE PRINCESSES! SLEEPING BEAUTY IS MY FAVORITE PRINCESS EVAH!) And might they have what was sure to be a jealous Maggie's size oh what do you know they did.

Aw, crud.

My eyes went back and forth between the cute mod looking orange tankini and the tacky Princess Trinity. Back and forth, back and forth. Meanwhile, an (annoying) voice inside of me whispered Die to self, die to self.

I did it.

I died.

Tomorrow morning an almost five year old little girl who is very, very into pink and ruffles and Disney Princesses is going to have a conniption fit when she sees what her mommy bought her and her sister at the WalMart.

And then it will all be worth it.


rerun from June 2009


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