Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Dear Home Depot:



Dear Home Depot,

It's not your fault that I had surgery last week and walk like I should be offering someone a poison apple and after brief excursions need 14 pillows to artfully arrange around the orange LazyBoy that is now permanently indented with my butt dimensions and bad memories.

It's also not your fault that the expensive Frigidaire dishwasher that was purchased only five years ago decided that the week after Christmas when the mom had surgery would be a good time to finally commit suicide leaving a note stating only  Er....Er....Er....

So let's concentrate on the long list of what IS your fault.

HOME DEPOT'S FAULT #1:

When ordering online, there is no way to state that my dishwasher is hardwired. My dishwasher is hardwired. Now I had no clue that my dishwasher was hardwired, and I still don't have a clue what it means that my dishwasher is hardwired, but evidently a hardwired dishwasher is a Very Important Piece of Information. When Bocephus showed up to install it on Friday - five days being the earliest you could get him here - Bocephus was shocked and astounded that my dishwasher was hardwired because Bocephus can't do no hardwired dishwasher, Home Depot. As Bocephus climbed back up in his Bocephus truck and drove away, and he did not offer to do not one of the 56 dirty dishes that had accumulated on my kitchen counter.

Before he drove away, he told me to call my local Home Depot to reschedule a 'Specialty Delivery'.  Strangely, I did not feel special. I felt frustrated. Lo, this was only the beginning of my sad Home Depot tale.

HOME DEPOT'S FAULT #2:

When I scheduled the Special Hardwire Installation for the next day, you did not ask if Bocephus had left the dishwasher at my house. Bocephus had not. And Special Hardwire Installers cannot install my special hardwired dishwasher if it is on Bocephus's truck. So they climbed back in their Special Hardwire Installer truck and drove away and did not offer to wash even one of the 112 dirty dishes that had accumulated on my kitchen counter.

HOME DEPOT'S FAULT #3:

When the Special Hardwire Installation guys showed up on Saturday, and there was no dishwasher, Home Depot did not move heaven and earth to get one to me immediately, instead of saying, "wow, stinks for you, especially since there's a holiday coming up, no one's gonna touch this till Tuesday at the earliest. Tsk tsk. Happy new year."

HOME DEPOT'S FAULT #4:


As I had already gone nine days without a dishwasher since I first decided to purchase one from Home Depot, when I called you first thing this morning and asked when my dishwasher was going to be delivered, an apology would have been most appreciated. After such fantasy apology, an answer of "today! Yes ma'am! We've already inconvenienced you so stinking much by our own idiocy, we will do whatever it takes to make you happy TODAY!" would have been a great answer.

"Maybe Thursday" = bad, bad answer.

When I made it clear that I was very angry, asking if I just wanted to cancel was definitely not a good answer.

When I asked to speak to a supervisor, being told that I had further delayed it by canceling was really not a good answer.

When I asked the unapologetic supervisor Shannon what Home Depot was going to do to make up for the fact that this family of seven (us plus my mom) has waited NINE DAYS for a dishwasher and FIVE OF THOSE DAYS were directly related to Home Depot's screw ups, "seeing if she could do anything" then calling back and offering me a whopping $25 delivery credit really made me want to stick a plastic fork in your eye.

Unfortunately I am stuck. If I known that you were so inept, I would have ordered from Lowe's last week and would now be snoozing to the glorious hum of my new dishwasher. But to switch companies now would only further delay getting a dishwasher and there are currently 232 dirty dishes on my kitchen counter.  And I still cannot walk more than the length of my orange LazyBoy to my vicodin bottle without moaning in pain. And my mom has gone home and my husband has gone back to work but my kids, they just keep wanting food and dishes on which to eat that food.

So I am forced to take the one that I ordered. Which assuming you don't screw up any more, won't be installed until Thursday. Which is a full ELEVEN DAYS from the day that I ordered it. And then you're going to make me pay $75 for installing my Special Hardwired Dishwasher. And I bet you still won't offer to wash one of the dish 464 dishes that have accumulated on my kitchen counter.

Happy New Year Home Depot.

I'd tell you you'd lost me as a customer, but it doesn't appear that you care anyway.

Tsk tsk.

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