Monday, January 23, 2012

Juice Fast Day 7: Big fat - make that little skinny - loser

Sunday morning weigh-in: 138.2
Monday morning weigh-in: 139.6

I have two people to blame for breaking my juice fast before the ten days were completed.

First of all would be my husband. It's always the husband's fault, right? Walker has concocted two of the approximately 21 juices that we consumed in the last seven days. One was a fruity breakfast drink, which is honestly pretty hard to mess up. It is the lunch and dinner juices that require a little skill. Not a lot - just a wee bit.

The second juice he ever made was for yesterday afternoon's lunch.

Here's the result:

That wee bit of skill - so far beyond his grasp.

(If you wonder why I am looking so, um, natural on a Sunday afternoon, it's because we worshiped at Bedside Baptist yesterday. Just keepin it real y'all.)

That was the beginning of the end.

The second one I blame is Groupon, for making a $6 for $12 worth of Smashburger deal appear in my inbox.

Because Smashburger is some kind of good.

And Smashbuger's fries - their rosemary garlic fries - are what angels serve in diners in Heaven.
Really. I read it in the Bible.

I posted that Smashburger Groupon on my facebook wall and then got to working on Smockaholics. After a while I clicked over to the Smashburger website and read about the Spicy Baha Burger pepper jack cheese, guacamole, lettuce, tomato, onion, spicy chipotle mayo and fresh jalapeƱos on a spicy chipotle bun. Then I'd pay a bill. Then I'd browse the Avocado Club chicken sandwich fresh avocado, applewood smoked bacon, lettuce, tomato, ranch dressing and mayo on a multi-grain bun. Make a phone about the fried pickles served with buttermilk ranch dressing and finally I walked into the den, asked Walker to pause his football, plopped down on the couch, and said,

"{deep sigh} Can I {deep sigh} {stifled sob} Oh honey, am I a loser?"

Walker looked at me. "Are you a loser? Why are you a loser?"

"{deep sigh} I just {stifled sob} I just {deep sigh} I JUST WANT SOME FOOD!!"

Walker looked shocked, awestruck, then quite gleeful. "What kind of food do you want?"


"Missy! I can't believe you. You are a failure! Oh my gosh! We've gone seven days with nothing but juice! We're in this to win it, baby! Only three days to go, and now you want a Smashburger? A big, hot, greasy, dripping with Smashsauce and glory, running down your chin hearty BURGER on a hot buttered BUN and some crispy golden garlic fries dipped in ranch? Is that what you want?"


"Okay I'm gonna go get one. YES! I'll be right back." A few more football YESes, and he was gone.

I imagine I made my man just as happy on our wedding night - I don't know, cause the lights were out. But there is a distinct possibility that my decision last night surpassed even consummated bliss.

So, there you go. I'm a loser.

We made it seven days. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and most of Sunday.

And we discussed the terms of our surrender. For the next three days, we will:

  • drink juices for breakfast and lunch
  • then eat a regular dinner
  • and I will go to the Y every day as penance for my Smashburger sins.
Then, we indulged:

And all was right in the world.

Tomorrow I'll tell you what I've learned from this juicy experience.


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