Thursday, April 19, 2012

Stuff moms google

Since becoming a mother, I have often consulted my muse and mentor Dr. Google in Tarzan speak, seeking answers to life's burning questions like,  "baby eat poop poisonous?"  or "toddler eat elephant ear plant poisonous?"

Behind researching the toxicity of various non-edibles my children have ingested, Dr. G has stepped up most often regarding stain removal, from tomatoes (sunlight) to lipstick (Dawn) to banana (give it up.)

The Google du jour:  "silly putty stain clothes."



Of course it's a Polo shirt. Because we never chew holes/Sharpie/sleep on top of Silly Putty in a cheap Target shirt. Or in jammies, which Ike should have been wearing as he cuddled the Silly Putty all night. But instead, my husband put him to be wearing a Polo he found hanging in his closet. Why? I don't know.

Maybe I should google "why Tarzan put Boy bed Polo not jammies why why?"

Dr. Google said WD40 and alcohol.
So far, marginal success.
Oh Dr. G, don't fail me now!

What original googles has motherhood inspired you to compose?

38 comments:

  1. I hope I don't seem like a crazy person, but I had to comment. My google search this week was just too good. It was made for a friend who was at work. The first attempt was "toddler grinding carseat". I got a lot about teeth, but that was not what we were going for. Anyway, I don't remember how I stumbled upon your blog, but I love it :) thanks for your wit and honesty!

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  2. I had to google "remove nail polish from dog hair" once. My son covered our dog in nail polish and I didn't want to put nail polish remover on her hair. Fun times! I also had to google "toddler biting dog" because he wouldn't stop biting our dog. I was at my wits' end and nothing seemed to be working. Luckily, he's almost four and slowly outgrowing the torturing of the dog phase.

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    Replies
    1. Oh, I'm sure the phase will revive itself if he ever gets a baby brother.

      My husband was SEVEN YEARS older than his little brother (ie, old enough to know better) Sean and Sean just facebooked all the torture he endured. Like, tabasco on his food. The food in his high chair.

      Siblings do things to each other that adults would be arrested for.

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  3. "why husband not put child bed jammies not Polo why why?" --that made me laugh out loud :D

    I don't have any entertaining kid-and-disaster searches to report, but one thing my teen daughter and I find entertaining is to start to type a search into Google and see what helpful autocompletions Google supplies. They can be startling and hilarious. For instance, just now, if I type " When is a" into Google, I get "when is a woman most fertile," "when is mango ripe," "when is a cold contagious," and--because this must be something the Internet is dying to know "when is a linear model appropriate."

    What's also interesting is that I thing the answers vary depending on where you are in the United States (or globe), so if you try the search, you may end up with different suggested answers.

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  4. "Straight salt toxic?" When my then two year old puked after salting her play food, eating said salt, and puking.

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    Replies
    1. Ooo, I bet that one scared you, because yes, it is!

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  5. No joke, but Tuesday I had to google, "What does a normal bowel movement for a 15 day old kitten look like?"

    Never in my wildest imaginations did I ever think I would even be thinking about that.

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    Replies
    1. No but I know we have all googled things along the lines of "newborn not pooped 15 days?" and 'baby poop green/yellow/blueish/pink okay?"

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  6. I JUST THIS WEEK had to get silly putty out of expensive throw pillows on my sofa after my daughter left it on the sofa and it was dried into the grooves of the pillows. I put the pillows into the freezer for several hours and then when the silly putty was frozen it was much easier to pick off. Still not completely gone but maybe with your efforts as well, you might get success. Good luck :)

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  7. After my daughter so beautifully colored the entire bottom of her feet with a purple sharpie, I found myself googling "How do you remove sharpie from tile grout?" Her sweet foot prints were ALL OVER the house. They came off the hardwood rather easily, surprisingly, and even came off the tile itself without too mich fight. But that grout... that's another story. (oxi Clean has helped)

    By the way, when you have permanent ink on fabric (like, say....your sweet comforter from your sweet child's ink colored feet jumping on the bed), it does help to apply rubbing alcohol liberally to break the stain. For larger stains, soaking the stained area in a bowl of milk actually does work too... who knew?

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    Replies
    1. I have such a love-hate relationship with Sharpies.

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    2. Bleach pen in the grout lines!

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  8. How do you clean puke out of the carpet?

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    Replies
    1. Hahahaha. Oh Miss, I wish we were IRL friends. I really do.

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  9. Mine isn't about my children, but my dog...when I was awakened to him drinking out of the toilet, in which we'd just put a fresh cleaning tablet in:

    dog drank blue toilet water poisonous?

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  10. This was such a timely post! This Week alone I've googled "5 month old swallowed penny," "seven days since baby pooped," "how to know there was only one penny swallowed" "detangling spray poisonous?" "how to stop 2 year old from feeding baby brother??? HOW??"

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  11. "Remove sharpie from computer screen"

    Yes. Read the answer THROUGH the sharpie marks.

    Oh, the irony!

    Well played, son, well played.

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  12. "silly putty in hair" Just for the record...hand sanitizer works the best if you can't just cut it and call it a day. It does turn it into plastic slime though. YUCK!

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  13. Aside from my cyberchondria which I feed regularly with daily doses from WebMD, I have googled such gems as "defiant 8 year old boy" (which, interestingly enough, Google auto filled for me), "desitin toxic," and "green sharpie out of carpet."

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  14. "get desitin out of carpet/hair/clothes"

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  15. haha! I have diagnosed myself with a sinus infection (or nasal polyp, but the google images on that are much nastier, so no thanks) and mastitis with the help of Dr. G. Also, recently something to the effect of "two year old not napping, done with naps? (please, Lord, no!)

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  16. "weird rash on unvaccinated child." "kid won't poop in potty now constipated." "those grease stains that appear on clothes after being in the dryer." "homeschool child won't cooperate with school work".

    ....the list could go on :) i think this list officially disqualified me from mother of the year...

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  17. Thanks to Reed I had to google:
    "eating sister's poop poisonous"

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  18. I had a similar experience with silly putty stuck to a white placemat. A paste of oxyclean powder and water scrubbed into it with a nail brush took it all out! Good luck! And just for the record, WD40 and oxyclean will also repair an entire load of laundry that tumbled in the dryer with a purple crayon, ahem. ;)

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  19. Oh, we google everything! My kids ask me a question. If the answer is "I don't know" they reflexively say, "Google it." It makes their daddy proud. Google will actually track your IP and try to predict based on your history what you want. So you and I will actually get different autofills when we start out typing the same thing. And we'll get different results... Unless you turn it off... :)

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  20. I have a few things to say! First, I have a song: "Google it! Just a little bit. Wanna have to google it!" And, as I read through your comments, I more than once, attempted to "LIKE" (re:facebook) them because they are HILARIOUS. AND my husband will totally put Wes in pj pants and pull a shirt off a hanger and put on him to get him ready to bed. Like seriously, he's three, he owns matching pajamas?! why the church shirt with the Lightning McQueen pants? I do not understand?

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  21. Just had to share that I read your entry too fast and thought that "WD40 and alcohol" was Dr Google's answer to "why Tarzan put Boy bed Polo not jammies why why?" Which makes a partial, perverse sort of sense :)

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  22. how far projectile spitup normal baby?

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  23. I remember having to google 'how to remove lipstick from a $60 smocked outfit' once (http://www.thebluehouseblog.com/2008/09/fyi.html) ... because like you said, it's never the hand-me-downs they ruin in some creative fashion: NO. It's the $60 outfit they've worn ONE TIME FOR AN HOUR TO CHURCH.

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    Replies
    1. Connor ruined his Christmas outfit this year on the 2nd wear. He ate colored goldfish & it totally stained everything. At least we had pictures made the 1st time he wore it.

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  24. Last week I googled, "Will a Mother bird abandoned touched/moved/shaken eggs?"

    Because when I told our 7.5 yr old that the Mother bird probably wouldn't come back to the nest after she'd removed the entire nest and put it in a bucket she replied with, "I'M A BIRD KILLER!!!" and then she flung herself dramatically into her room and onto her bed sobbing.

    The answer, if you care, was yes. Most times she will return. However, this time, she did not. *Gasp* SHE IS A BIRD KILLER.

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  25. Silly putty looks nasty on clothing. Who knew?

    I feel like I most often google normal things, but I find great amusement in seeing what google thinks I am going to ask. All sorts of crazy people out there asking about cheating on people, doing gross things, and in some awful predictaments.

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  26. Just googled: 15 mo old swallowed squinkie
    I HATE those things!

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  27. "Siblings do things to each other that adults would be arrested for."

    Listened to an interview with the director of the new Bully movie and he made the exact same point about bullying in schools. He said if someone did the same things to an adult on the street, the person would be able to get a restraining order, maybe have the person arrested, etc.

    I had never thought of it like that before.

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  28. I think silly putty is satanic. No one reads newspapers anymore and about the best thing it did was copy the comics. Nowadays it has limited play value and has likely ruined millions of dollars worth of clothing/carpeting/upholstery/etc. In our case it was the backseat of the new car. Had to look at that blob on the seat for 6 years.
    Ugh.
    Haven't needed to google anything crazy lately...my kids are finally outgrowing the really weird stuff. I do remember googling "why poop bright green" once though. Too many purple popsicles.

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  29. Haha, I can't believe I am putting this in writing! When my son was 2 and my husband and I were wanting to get pregnant--we googled " how to make a baby girl" (my husband laughed at me) We got the info we wanted and 9 months later got a beautiful baby girl--thank you Dr. Google!!!

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