Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Olive juice, olive juice

Maggie meeting more husbands this summer at a crawfish boil. Yes, she sucked the heads.
Remember in middle school when you'd look at your friend and whisper 'olive juice' and it was really funny cuz when you whisper 'olive juice' it looks like you're saying 'I love you' but you're not but you're twelve so that's real funny? 

I bought some olives at HEB. They were jalapeno stuffed olives. They were right next to the glass jars of olives, but in a can with a flip top, and LISTEN YOU FOOD MAKER PEOPLE I will pay extra for a flip top can, I will, cause the exertion of using electric can opener is too much for me some days. Don't judge.

The olives were divine.

Maggie and I stood over the island in our kitchen and ate most of them. Maggie would pick one up, look at it, and say, "Come to me, my husband!" and then she'd kiss eat and eat it. She's a black widow spider apparently. And I was proud. We bonded over those olives.

When they were all gone, I was so sad, and so not ready to let the magic end, that I drank the juice. Right out of the flip top can.

I know some of y'all just threw up in your mouth a little. Don't hate. Jesus ate olives. How can you say you're trying to be all Christlike when you don't even love olives? Posers.

One time when I was eleven or twelve I was at my friend Regina's house. Her momma Gail made some spinach and it was the best spinach I'd ever eaten in my whole little life. After it was done, I took the pot liquor and poured it in a glass and I drank it.

I drank spinach juice from a glass.

A year or so later her mom said "Wasn't that you who drank the spinach juice that time?" and I was so embarrassed because it was middle school when everything is embarrassing that I lied and said, no, not me, like, ohmahgah, that's so crazy and grody! and to this day I have felt guilty for lying about it so here I am to confess, Gail, it WAS me who drank that spinach juice, and I loved it and I'm proud of it. 

(whew, the relief of no longer living a lie!)

Basically I like anything with vinegar. I swear if you pickled an eraser I'd eat it. I love pickled pickles, obviously, pickled okra, pickled eggs, pickled onions, whatever, bring it on. Also this relish I fell in love with in London called Branston Pickle which you eat with crackers and cheese.

By the way, if you go into a grocery store in England and ask where the pickles are, they will be confused and be all, 'pickled what?' and you'll be like, "um, pickled, um, cucumbers?" and they'll say "oh, you mean gherkins" and you'll go "gherkins?" but then when you go to the gherkin aisle you'll find the Branston Pickle and say, come to me, my husband, so it will all be worthwhile.

Or maybe you won't say all that because you don't love pickles. Or Jesus.

I like kimchee, this weird stuff they bury in the ground in Korea. And saurkraut. And I've just discovered kombucha, a ridiculously overpriced hippie drink that makes me so, so happy.

I don't care so much for seafood.  I think this is because of my dad getting on his "I was raised in the country, I need to toughen up you sissy city kids" trips, which involved us first scaling our own fish (never went fishing again) and pinching the heads off of shrimp in a bucket (didn't eat shrimp for ten years, still only rarely, and never in Chinese food.) I do eat fish because Jesus ate fish but it has to be non-fishy fish, except I love lox and cream cheese on bagels, go figure. Must be because that's Jewish and Jesus was Jewish and I'm very Christlike. But sushi? Blech. I just eat the pickled ginger.

My true love is stinky cheese. For my 40th birthday, we had a wine and stinky cheese party. I was in heaven. When I said Come to me, my husband I was being very literal because he was pouring me wine and handing me stinky cheese. I don't know if Jesus ate cheese or not but we all know his thoughts on wine. Color me Christlike again!

But there was no cake at my party, cause I'm not so into cake. Or pie, or any candy, except Sour Patch Kids, my favorite. Cause they're, like, sour.

This can all be summed up like this: if it stinks, I'm probably gonna eat it.
I hope we can still be friends. 

What about you? What's your weird thing you eat? We all have one. Or twelve.


  1. So glad you like kimchee and kombucha :-) A friend online gave me a recipe for making my own kimchee. It came out pretty good--probably would have been better if I'd used the right sort of cabbage. Nice and garlicky-gingery-spicy though.

    We lived in Japan for a few years, so some of the foods we love are Japanese and pretty unusual here. At the Japanese daycare the kids went to, they used to give them dried squid as a snack. The stuff takes lots of CHEWING and it was supposed to give the kids strong jaws (... problems you never knew you should worry about...). That stuff is *great*.

    I also really love Japanese pickled plums (umeboshi), and if you like pickles and sour things, you'll *love* these. One traditional thing is to make a boxed lunch with rice and then a pickled plum in the center--it looks like a Japanese flag. You also get onigiri (rice balls) that are stuffed with pickled plum.

    1. Walker went to high school in Japan, hence the kimchee love. And he still talks about 'balut eggs' - sp? that his friend Brian ate - basically 100 year old eggs? I saw those on Fear Factor once.

      I would be such a failure as a Japanese mother when it comes to lunch boxes. Umeboshi sounds yummy tho.

    2. Oh Missy I only saw your reply when I got the email notification for your latest entry! Sorry to not respond sooner. I'm a failure at the gorgeous Japanese lunch boxes too. I looove looking at them, but I've never had the patience to make one. My older three children got nothing but PBJ, carrots+some other veg, and cookies for school lunch FOR THEIR ENTIRE SCHOOL CAREER. How sad is that. The youngest son at least gets sandwich variation. Woo!

      How cool that Walker went to high school in Japan! My younger daughter did her senior year of high school at a high school in Osaka--she was there during the earthquake and tsunami and Fukushima (but Osaka was far away from those things--though she did feel the earthquake).

  2. LOVE sushi. Love pickled okra and garlic stuffed olives. I'm not a fan of spicy foods so jalepenos are out. I do love saurkraut, too. I think that is the extent of my love for weird foods. But I unfortunately have a sweet tooth and love all things chocolate and sour.

  3. I loathe olives and I did throw up in my mouth when you said you drank the olive juice. However, it immediately made me think about the many times I have taken large chugs of vinegar from a juice glass. mouth is watering right now just thinking about it!

  4. once again, you crack me up! I used to drink the pickled juice from the jars... or gherkin juice, whatever. But here is one for you Missy... My dad's family from Northwest Iowa eat PICKLED PIGS FEET!!!!!!! I know.. it sounds like a made up nightmare.. but it is true and it is a true delicacy at family gatherings and the relatives swarm around the jar. I won't even go into the kitchen when the pig's feet are floating around in a cloudy immersion. My dad is quite hurt that I don't share his love for a family tradition. EEK!

  5. I drank olive juice when I was pregnant with my first child. I could not help myself - I HAD to have more and the olives were gone!! Honestly, I still could drink it...I love olives and pickles and all those pickle-y things you mentioned. Garlic stuffed olives are my fave, though jalapeno stuffed ones are divine too!

    And I looooooove sushi.

  6. Oh MISSY!!!! Even since starting reading your blog, I thought "man, I could really hang with that chick". (And not just 'cuz we both love Jesus) Now it is PROVEN!!! I will drink green olive juice, black olive juice, dill pickle juice (But not-so-much- sweet pickle juice. Ick.) Thanks for the belly laugh today. I think I am going to go drink some olive juice in a toast to you!!! :-)

  7. Mmmmmm, i love olives, especially those garlic stuffed ones! i can't think of anything really odd that i do like though.
    But one thing i can say with certainty - I am glad that school is back in session because you are blogging again and you crack me up! Thanks for the laugh today

  8. Note to self : when husband asks why you bought more wine, remind him that you're trying to be more like Jesus. Also use this excuse for when you freak out and throw things.

    I love lemons. Seriously. I'll eat them like an orange. And I've been known to suck down packets of hot sauce. I've also been known to cry because I want rosemary sweet potato fries with spicy mayo dipping sauce. Kimchee is delicious and stinky cheese or very sharp cheese makes my life complete.

    Sometimes I'm amazed that I manage to get complete, healthy, balanced meals in my children when my preference would be to pick at a mountain of sharp cheddar cheese and rosemary sweet potato fries.

    1. Also use this excuse for when you freak out and throw things. BAHAHAHA

      My kids suck on raw lemons. At restaurants they ask for them. And when Shep was a baby he would down the hot sauce. He called salsa 'soup'

      Why did you have to mention rosemary sweet potato fries?? Why??

  9. Just to be confusing, Branston pickle is just the brand name. We tend to call that brown pickly mess just 'pickle'. So if you ask for pickle you'll get Branston, or something similar. It is lovely with mature cheese or cold cooked meat. I adore onion or fruit chutney (do you have chutney in the US?), especially with sausages or sliced meat. Indian brinjal pickle is divine.

    I am hungry now. I'm off to get tea!

    Love the comment about Jewish food and being Christ-like... heehee ;-)

    1. Zoe! I didn't know you were our Anglo representative!

      We have chutney, but it is purely for eating with Indian food, most people don't know what it is. In fact I think I discovered chutney in London.

      But when I was in catering we had a dish that was brie topped with mango chutney and crumbled bacon - stinky cheese, chutney and bacon - oh Lord I need to fan myself ---

  10. You had me at olive! I love olives and pickeled okra...not so much the spicey versions. I had a good friend who grew up in the panhandle and has fond childhood memories of eating....wait for it.....pickle-juice snowcones! Wow! Still brings a smile to my face when I think about it.

  11. Hilarious. About 1/3 of the way through your post I was formulating my comment in my head. It started with: "I'm not sure we can be friends anymore." And then you stole my line, so, I guess we can still be friends after all.

    But olives? pickles? spinach? sauerkraut? weirdly named foods I've never heard of? sour candy?? Really! I could simply repost your entire post on my blog as "Disgusting food I would never eat!" hee, hee

    But sushi on the other hand? with lots of wasabi? yummmmmm And chocolate--why would you eat sour candy when chocolate is THE candy?! :)

    1. I love wasabi peas, so there's that.

      I like chocolate best when it is paired with sour - like the chocolate covered pomagranite I am hoarding - or salt. Chocolate covered pretzels. Amen.

  12. I don't do olives, at all, but I'm board with just about everything else. I am a closet hippy who brews my own kombucha (so much cheaper) and am this.close to making my own sour kraut. You should check out the book Wild Fermentation from the library. A surprisingly enjoyable read.

    Another food blog got be started on an Apple cider vinegar + kombucha 'cocktail' each morning. Then I have green juice (closet hippie, remember) and then tea. Needless to say I frequent the restroom often with all mt drinking.

  13. Too busy gagging to comment.

    ::gag gag gaaaaaggggg::

  14. I love craw fish and stuffed olives! I haven't been to a good craw fish broil in a very long time, but these pictures are making me invest sometime into finding the next one. It looks like you had a great day there. Thanks for the awesome post!

  15. Weird foods I like:

    Beef Ramen Noodles WITH cottage cheese : )
    Also I like to pour peanuts in a coke to drink (but everyone does that)

  16. ugh. Missy... EVERYONE knows that olives are REALLY alien eggs. just sayin'

    I don't know if this is particularly weird-enough, but... when I was pregnant with my first I was very, VERY sick... for ALL of five months, and most of the last four. But I could eat Spaghetti-Os. I know, right?? I don't know why, but... it worked. I re-gained my pre-pregnancy weight right before he was born, probably thanks to those über processed, fortified, junky, Spaghetti-Os. To this day (although we don't eat them anymore) my dear, dear husband still calls them vomiti-o's, because he thinks they smell JUST LIKE vomit when they're being cooked. ::sigh::

    PS. Missy, because we're friends... don't eat alien offspring. that's just... ew (:

  17. I really love uncooked oatmeal with milk. Yum! But, I don't know if that is all that weird. I also think cheese and onion sandwiches are delish but I never eat them because I don't want to have onion breath. :)

  18. Have you ever tried a peanut butter with Cheez Whiz sandwich, with 3 slices of bread? Don't knock it til you try it! if you do it "right" you start with one slice of bread, then the peanut butter, another slice of bread, then Cheez Whiz, then top with the last slice of bread, cut crusts off and then cut sandwich into thirds for finger sandwiches. It's good! Oh, and for me, barbecue chips on the side. Health wise, it may not be the best, but I like it!

    My dad has been known to eat peanut butter and onion sandwiches (I think they are a sweeter onion vs hot, but I am not sure.) Personally, I will stick with the PBCW!!

  19. You are cracking me up with this post. Olive YOU! xo!

  20. not a fan of olives...and pickles?? the smell alone could make me hurl!!! My favorite odd food is cheetos with peanut m&m's. I live in Louisiana so when we get ready for a hurricane I buy cheetos and m&m's for survival!! It is soooo yummy!

  21. Peanut Butter and Pickle Sandwiches! Omnomnomnom...

  22. My mother would frequently ask my pedi if it was normal or if it would hurt me to intake so much vinegar as a child! I love it. I even love it on strawberries with salt and oranges wih salt. Mostly though, I like to eat fresh tomatoes, cucumbers and onions with vinegar and salt. Have you tried the guava or mango Kombucha? The guava is especially tangy and sour, it's my favorite. Love cabbage or greens and cornbread with vinegar too. Now I'm hungry:/


  23. I love onions, like a whole lot! At restaurants, I ask for extra onions on everything or to be added to things that do not have them. I will eat slices of onions on the side of meals, etc...

    My weird food "thing" comes in what I don't like. I do not eat chocolate (or caramel, etc..) or bacon.

  24. Mmmm olive juice!!! But you really should give sushi another chance. I lived in Japan for two years and second the umeboshi! Sooo delicious!

    When I would drive between home and Texas Tech there was a gas station about half way that sold pickles in a great big jar. They were huge and I would always stop and get one. They were so sour they made my eyes water and more than once I had to pull off the side of the road until I could see again. I loved them! Now I want one!

    My weird food is peanut butter mixed with Karo syrup. Mmmm.

  25. Little plastic containters of frozen pickle juice are the hottest sellers at the baseball games here - they make more money than the giant pickles! They're kind of slushy and at 25 cents each the kids LOVE them :)

  26. This explains a lot about your baking skills, don't you think?

  27. Did you have lots o' caffeine before writing this?? You made me laugh so much! You should try Indian lime pickle . . . it's more spicy than vinegary, but I feel everyone should expand their pickle repertoire. To be more like Jesus. Wait, what?

  28. Kombucha? Really? I mean, I've bought it and forced my oldest daughter to drink it when she was very ill, but like it? I have to force myself to smile and act like all is normal. Do you drink flavored?

    We miss you being in the 'burbs of Houston! I had no idea that you were having such a similar experience!

  29. I'm a pretty open-minded eater, but olives have never been my thing. :) (I delurk one day at your request, so I might as well comment on all the other posts I read that day. :)

    I'm trying to think of weird foods I like. Sushi is yum, but I haven't been enough to branch out. Rolls are enough.

    As a kid, I ate apples with ketchup, but that sounds gross now.

    I've never been pregnant, so don't have any fun craving stories.

    Hmmm, the one "weird" food related thing I can come up with is that I only use the little fork. I'd rather not ever use the big fork. :)

  30. Just found your blog and love it! Love your humor and your honesty.

    We love lots of pickle stuff around here too. Our latest favorite find: hot & spicy asparagus spears. We devoured the first jar before we even left the fruit stand from which we bought them.



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