Monday, October 22, 2012
Because I am Lindsay Lohan
First off, if you are reading on a reader, pop over and look at my Halloween owlies, because ohmahgosh, they are too cute. I was supposed to install the header myself but totally forgot. Jackie just emailed me and asked if she should do it, and knowing it would take her two minutes as opposed to an hour and half a bottle of wine, I said please. Thank you, Your Brilliance.
Secondly, God has been so utterly and completely blowing me away with insight lately. And I'm so glad because 1) I always liked being Teacher's Pet and 2) it was a long, dry, summer, as y'all might recall.
Lately - I got a zinger.
I wish I could write it beautifully and articulately but I can't yet. I'm pretty impressed I can even form sentences about it because it's still overwhelming. So here goes.
After the debates the other night Walker said that, "Politics is Hollywood for ugly people." He was quoting somebody and I laughed at that and thought, yeah. True dat. Afterwards I got in the shower where some of my deepest thinking transpires and thought about how we all create a Hollywood for ourselves. Wherever we are. Politics, neighborhood, church, PTA.
That sat and spun a little.
Then I read this post, and my brain started spinning so fast I am still dizzy.
Because I realized that there is a Christian Hollywood. That we have created a Christian Hollywood and social media is our agent. That there is this hierarchy of "stars" on the A list and the B list and then there are the wanna-bes and the name-droppers and the has-beens and oh, it literally makes me nauseous.
And that's why I hate Twitter. Deplore it down to the depths of my soul. I've said for a long time that it's because it brings out the middle school in me to a scary degree. I get on twitter for a few minutes and suddenly I am twelve years old with thick glasses and braces and there is no way Jeremy Bryan will ever like me or Teresa Garcia will ask me to her dance party. Only it's not recreating middle school after all - it's recreating Hollywood. Hollywood for Jesus people.
And I am not the type of little girl who would survive in Hollywood. I'd be fine at first but soon, I would not be able to emotionally deal with the constant keeping up appearances, the constant fan count, the Oscar nominations, the mentions on TV or other blogs, the pining for good reviews/link reposts, the constant counting facebook fans, or twitter followers, or feedburner stats...
Because I. Am. Lindsay. Lohan.
Every time I see Lindsay on the news I think, oh, Lindsay, you so need Jesus.
Oh, Missy, you so need Jesus.
I get sucked into all that bull so fast. The approval-seeking, drama-loving, sinner in me needs craves it, loves it when it works for me and then hates myself when it doesn't. And when I play in that Hollywood game, before long, I'm wasted with mascara running down my face as I flee a hit-and-run and to avoid another sentence in Insecurity Jail.
I am bailing myself out. I'm just not going to participate in it anymore. The ways in which I am bailing are still crystallizing. But I am calling in all my resources and renouncing the Accuser who tells me that I'm not good enough to play this game.
And I'm listening the Advocate who keeps reminding me that I am too good to play this game. That He is too good to be played.
Sisters, do you get me???
Labels: Missy's a little neurotic