Monday, October 22, 2012

Because I am Lindsay Lohan

First off, if you are reading on a reader, pop over and look at my Halloween owlies, because ohmahgosh, they are too cute. I was supposed to install the header myself but totally forgot. Jackie just emailed me and asked if she should do it, and knowing it would take her two minutes as opposed to an hour and half a bottle of wine, I said please. Thank you, Your Brilliance.

Secondly, God has been so utterly and completely blowing me away with insight lately.  And I'm so glad because 1) I always liked being Teacher's Pet and 2) it was a long, dry, summer, as y'all might recall.

Lately - I got a zinger.

I wish I could write it beautifully and articulately but I can't yet. I'm pretty impressed I can even form sentences about it because it's still overwhelming. So here goes.

After the debates the other night Walker said that, "Politics is Hollywood for ugly people." He was quoting somebody and I laughed at that and thought, yeah. True dat. Afterwards I got in the shower where some of my deepest thinking transpires and thought about how we all create a Hollywood for ourselves. Wherever we are. Politics, neighborhood, church, PTA.

That sat and spun a little.

Then I read this post, and my brain started spinning so fast I am still dizzy.

Because I realized that there is a Christian Hollywood. That we have created a Christian Hollywood and social media is our agent. That there is this hierarchy of "stars" on the A list and the B list and then there are the wanna-bes and the name-droppers and the has-beens and oh, it literally makes me nauseous.

And that's why I hate Twitter. Deplore it down to the depths of my soul. I've said for a long time that it's because it brings out the middle school in me to a scary degree. I get on twitter for a few minutes and suddenly I am twelve years old with thick glasses and braces and there is no way Jeremy Bryan will ever like me or Teresa Garcia will ask me to her dance party. Only it's not recreating middle school after all - it's recreating Hollywood. Hollywood for Jesus people.

And I am not the type of little girl who would survive in Hollywood. I'd be fine at first but soon, I would not be able to emotionally deal with the constant keeping up appearances, the constant fan count, the Oscar nominations, the mentions on TV or other blogs, the pining for good reviews/link reposts, the constant counting facebook fans, or twitter followers, or feedburner stats...

Because I. Am. Lindsay. Lohan.

Every time I see Lindsay on the news I think, oh, Lindsay, you so need Jesus.

Oh, Missy, you so need Jesus. 

I get sucked into all that bull so fast. The approval-seeking, drama-loving, sinner in me needs craves it, loves it when it works for me and then hates myself when it doesn't. And when I play in that Hollywood game, before long, I'm wasted with mascara running down my face as I flee a hit-and-run and to avoid another sentence in Insecurity Jail.

I am bailing myself out. I'm just not going to participate in it anymore. The ways in which I am bailing are still crystallizing. But I am calling in all my resources and renouncing the Accuser who tells me that I'm not good enough to play this game.

And I'm listening the Advocate who keeps reminding me that I am too good to play this game.  That He is too good to be played.

Sisters, do you get me???


  1. Oh my gosh.. you have hit the nail on the head of what I have been feeling.. Thanks so much.. You are just too good...I love your posts

  2. Get it... sorta. I HATE Twitter. I think it is stupid. I made an account but never check nor use it. But then there is Facebook and while I do not find it as stupid, I no longer receive just anyone in my news feed. I want to know the happenings in my family's lives and my two (yes, only 2) best friend's lives. That is it. Even Pinterest is stupid in my opinion because it only makes me feel inadequate. If you go to my Pinterest account, I have 0 pins. Why? For the reasons you mentioned in your blog post and so that I can actually focus energy on things I come up with instead of feeling inadequate over the things other people come up with.

    I may change my stance on Pinterest. I heard it is a great place to meal plan from. :/

    Your blog is my favorite, by the way- you make me laugh and offer a lot encouragement in regard to motherhood. Oh and if I ever venture to Texas, which is possible now since my SIL is moving down there this month, if I saw you out somewhere, I might freak out and approach you for a photo op. But please do not get rid of your blog. You do well in this little corner of "blogger Hollywood" because you are NOT being Lindsay Lohan-like. :-)

  3. If you are Lindsey, I am definitely Oprah! I can interview anyone to death even at the ER last night asking the Doctor the "efficacy" of drugs at 5am for my little guy's croup. I mean seriously why do I question it?? Ugh, need a zinger for that one. Yes, that's why my blog is how to build a house. I am just gonna tell the world how to do it Jen Gangnam style. And yes, you should quite Twitter…I did…lame-O. Really gets the flesh on. :(

  4. Yes, Jesus people act just like the world and in other odd ways.We often label ourselves, section ourselves in clicks, those that are super spiritual, not so spiritual or gasp, dare I say? those that have financial blessing and those that don't? Those that had the "wisdom" to have a few children or those that have a "brood". It is shameful and sad to me. Twitter, I can avoid that? It's hard to attend regular church these days...Jesus would love me, His people? I am not so sure they like very many people at all...sigh. Lord, help us. Please keep sharing your heart.

  5. That's why I gave up facebook, over a year ago (never touched twitter - because it seemed irrecovably inane) and most television. And watching Christian preachers on youtube.

    I have been so much better for it. God has more space now (blush). I learned... (gasp) He likes me :-)

    God bless, Missy. Loving these posts.

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. Duh I can't spell - how about 'irrevocably' inane instead.

  6. So totally get this. I've gotten sucked into the approval game through blogging (bloggers) and why I continued to feed into my insecurities I don't understand. Thank you for telling it like it is! We ALL need Jesus. :)

  7. First of all, the owls are fantastic!
    I felt Twitter turning me into a stalker, so I made a drastic change to my account. It is set to private and no one follows me except my husband. I am his only follower as well. We have used it as cheap communication and cyber flirting when he is out of town (cutesy PG stuff). Even if I did respond to a twitter celebrity, they would never know because of my security settings. For once, my settings are high not to keep people from me, but to keep me from people.
    I am a little freer with Facebook, but I have still set myself a rule that I have to know someone in person before I "friend" them.
    I once heard someone say that you don't have to make rules for something that isn't a problem. I have a social media problem, therefore I set rules.

  8. I SO get you! I hate Twitter, too, and only go there rarely. I hardly know any of my 600-some followers. In fact, I have a list that is called "IRL" of people I've actually MET, and the number there is less than 20. Ridiculous, no? Ridiculous to spend time "listening" or "talking" or "responding" to people who have absolutely NO investment in my real life. Ugh.

  9. I *do* get it: people are so eager to establish hierarchies, no matter what the area, and even in spiritual areas. Jesus tried to fight this, criticizing the Pharisees and consorting with tax collectors, or scolding the disciples for arguing about who was number one among them, but . . . it's still easy to find yourself (meaning general-you not Missy-you) wanting to be acknowledged as Best at Goodness.

    Being on the Internet has made me realize what a phantom fame really is, though. My daughters talk about people who are "Tumblr famous"--famous in the social community Tumblr ... but not elsewhere. And even the most mainstream-ly famous people are only in the public eye for a little while--then the public's attention shifts, and that's that.

  10. I'm reading a book now called Embracing Obscurity by Anonymous Anonymous. I thought of you because this person talked of the lengths they went through just to cancel their Facebook account. It's a good read :-)

  11. 1. The owls are too much! Love them.
    2. I'm out, too.

  12. WoW that was a powerful word. . .I'll be mulling it over today. Thanks!

    (Owls-to cute!)

  13. Was listening to this song this morning and I found myself thinking of you and this post. Song is on an early worship album from my church, Sojourn, and is written by the talented woman singing it. Here are my favorite (i.e. most applicable to me) lyrics:

    I find myself a captive, Of the same old tired lies
    The ones that say I’m hopeless, Not even worth a try
    Let your truth run through me, Set me free I know you can
    Take my soul, make me whole, To seek your face again

    Teach me Lord to trust You, Instead of my own strength
    To find my worth in Your love alone. And my hope within your grace.

    You can listen to whole song here:

  14. i have thought about this very dynamic lately... i don't do twitter and i am glad. i have backed off of facebook even some, for other reasons, but still do use my personal page to keep my inlaws in central america updated on our family and use my blog page to update about new posts and such. but, i too have felt the dark pull that is deep in my heart to somehow "fit in" in the cyber world and i have tried to purposefully turn away from that thing. i like to call it the fear of man and remind myself that it is not my friend! but oh, have i felt it pull!! crazy how the enemy can use other believers to push those insecurity buttons in our hearts - i guess the Lord allows it so we can be sharpened and refined, but it hurts!!

    my recent post: to really look

  15. love this, and your desire to pray Lindsay to Jesus. may He answer that one soon! i'm having the same questions about schoolfeed as you were about Twitter. it's weird to have people "friend" me there who never spoke to me in high school.

  16. I follow your blog because you have a way with words, but more than that because you have a way with using your words to speak the truth. True dat.

  17. I love your owls - will they be Thanksgivinged and Christmased too? :)

    Is this a good time to admit I never signed up for Twitter because I'm just too technoloically unsavvy? Facebook is enough, and even then I've thought about deleting my account, but I am a social girl at heart and I love that I can keep in touch with far away 5th grade friends that I thought were lost forever when we moved:)

    But in all seriousness I get what you are saying. Actually, I've understood it for a long time but never heard it put into words this way. Lots of think about - thanks!

  18. Meant to say "lots to think about" instead of whatever weird way that typed out;)

  19. Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

    And cute Hallowlies.

  20. Gah! Yup. Uh huh! Emphatic agreement. "And I am not the type of little girl that would survive in Hollywood." That is so true of all of us.

  21. Your words carry wisdom and weight, Missy.

  22. Thanks for this! I don't understand the twitter craze, but have attempted to use it for the purpose of interacting with folk that only use it. So great to read something that confirms what I have been feeling. Thank you!!!

  23. I get you! We are too easily awed by people rather than God. If we could only remember what Paul told the Corinthians, that we all have a part to play and not exalt one part of the body above another. sigh

  24. Just yesterday I was reading a blog (that didn't really have much to say, mind you) that boasted that if I would advertise on said blog it would increase my "followers" by at least 40% at the low price of $100 for a little square. I thought, "Wow! 40%! I should totally do this!" And then I received a sweet Jesus reminder of why I started blogging and having a huge following is not the reason. And, I certainly can't afford (in my wallet or my spirit) 100 bucks to feel awesome about myself. "My soul finds rest in God alone..." Ps 73:25-26

    Glad you put it all into words for me, for all of us.

  25. For another perspective, I use Twitter and enjoy it. It has helped me build a network of career colleagues and resources that I would not have had otherwise. One of my now closest friends came from Twitter, and I met a woman in my church who I didn't know previously because of Twitter. It has benefits, but certainly also has drawbacks just like any other social media outlet if not approached well. Generally speaking, I think it's good to unplug from social media from time to time and take a break because it can get overwhelming and feed a need for approval in various forms...likes, followers, comments, etc.

  26. Yes! I get this completely! I often consider giving up facebook and probably will once I wrap my head around it fully. I've too often felt my mood go up or down based on how many 'likes' I get or don't get. Crazy!

  27. Still chewing on this one a day later, Missy.

    I'm not sure why, perhaps because my husband is an I.T. guy and has opinions on stuff like internet privacy, or maybe it's because I am around 40 with a 4-year-old, but anything other than email has just not drawn my interest. I don't even care to know why everybody puts a pound sign before stuff: #aheadofstuffyoutype

    I don't know how to "follow" somebody. I have some bookmarks of blogs I read because I like the content. Yours is one of those.

    A couple of years ago our pastor took a sabbatical for the better part of a year, in part to step back because of all the admiration he got and how he felt about himself as a result. It was good for him. That was a good move on his part to recognize that (though he does deserve all the accolades he gets, and he is a real gift from God to this world).

    My rambling comment. I am sure I could say more but it's late, my sick child is back to sleep and that's where I am headed, too. We all need to be reminded to keep ourselves in check.

    I am glad that you and Walker have these good exchanges. Not sure you would've gotten that from White Shirt Guy. ;o)

  28. Uh, wow. Yes, I get this! It's this crazy balance between needing to put yourself out there to get any notice and hope that you do get noticed and feeling like "no one likes me" and "I'll never be good enough". And yet so many friends and good relationships are here too that I don't want to just call it over.

    By the way, congratulations on your new daughter!!! I have been soooo gone from online that I didn't know until I saw your latest post when I logged into my blogger account! And then I had to come read it and now I'm reading backwards to get caught up from oh... maybe August!

    Anyway, I will try to pop in a little more often and follow the news. I can't WAIT to see her! :)

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