Friday, April 5, 2013

That's the kind of mother I am

This baby boy

went to bed last night and he was five and he woke up this morning and he was SIX!!

Which means I had to wake up and make breakfast that involved more than pushing the lever on a toaster (pancakes) and then bake cookies to deliver to his kindergarten class because I remembered that moms do that at, oh, about 8:30 this morning.

It also means that he was supposed to get presents, being that it was his birthday and all.

I am incredibly skilled at hiding presents. So skilled, in fact, that last night when I went to wrap his main present of Lego car/garage/thingy I couldn't find it. Anywhere. At 11pm. The eve of his birthday.

Fortunately while frantically searching I found some other presents at the top of my closet that I had bought at some point and then hid them and forgot all about them so he got those instead. Disorganization saves the day! Which only needed saving because of disorganization...whatever. Kid got some gifts.

Today was also the day for the social worker to visit. Once your child has been home about a month, the adoption agency schedules a follow-up visit to see how the child is doing. To make sure you are still reasonably sane. To see what kind of parents they agreed to give a kid to.

The housekeeper came today as well. And if you think scheduling those two ladies on the same day was a coincidence, then you just don't know me at all.

Today was also the day we bought a house. Yes. A HOUSE.

You keeping up?

So about an hour after our realtor called to say we were new homeowners and I was still flusteredly (new word) digesting the news, Social Worker Jenny sat on our couch in our cleanish living room and asked us questions like, how is Bethie eating? Carboholic, haven't gotten a green veggie or fruit in her in yet. How is she sleeping? Walker shared a touching story about how she woke him up last night by literally farting in his face. How is she behaving?  Like a narcissistic, bipolar sociopath, ie, a normal two-year-old.

Eva Rose was sitting next to me on the couch when Jenny asked what Bethie likes to do. I told her how she wasn't really into books, so I tried to remember what was the other kids' favorite book when they were her age, and remembered it was Five Little Monkeys, so I bought that for her for Easter and it worked, she loves it. 

To which Eva Rose replied, "WAITAMINUTE. The EASTER BUNNY brought her that book. ARE YOU THE EASTER BUNNY?!?!"

And I stared, smiling, blinking, wondering, how does one dash childhood dreams under the watchful gaze of a licensed social worker?

Fortunately Jenny changed the subject by asking to question the children as to how they were adjusting to having a new baby sister. First she talked to the birthday boy, who has the most difficult time being usurped as the spoiled baby of the family. Who has acted out daily, if not hourly. Who has an insatiable need to snatch anything she has, wants, or was ever considering desiring. Whose feet seem to instinctively protrude forcefully outward whenever she passes by him. Who frequently 'hugs' her with all the tenderness of Lennie Small of Of Mice and Men.

"How do you like having a baby sister?" she asked.

"I wove her," Ike squirmed shyly, looking at her out of the corners of his big green eyes.

Jenny continued, "What do you like to do with her?"
"I wike to pway Barbies with her," he answered.

And I stared, smiling, blinking, thinking, what a boldfaced little LIAR I have produced!!

Right about the time Jenny was leaving, Shepherd appeared and overheard me say something about moving soon. "WHAT?!?!" he cried, his lip quivering. "WE'RE MOVING?!?! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?" Then he burst into tears. And ran out of the room. And slammed his door. And wailed and gnashed his teeth.

As I walked Jenny to the front door and thanked her for coming by, my son screamed from behind his slammed bedroom door, "JUST WHAT KIND OF MOTHER ARE YOU?!?!"

And I stared, smiling, blinking, and then I burst into giggles.

Because that's the kind of mother I am.


  1. One of my favorite stories is one morning after my Mother had disciplined my little brother (well deserved, no doubt!) he looked her in the eye and said "Everyone thinks you're so nice, but *I* know the TRUTH!"
    Still makes me laugh. And I think my kids will probably say the same kind of thing to me. hopefully I will also have the presence of mind to giggle.

  2. Wow, sociological/psychological kudos to Shepherd! That's pretty dang amazing: he managed to think up something to do with a new sister that would sound plausible to a social worker. Way to go, kid! (And then too, of course, he *does* love Bethie, in his own mind--it's just that she makes him mad and jealous sometimes.)

    Your hidden birthday present story made me laugh--I've had similar happen with Christmas presents. Discovering things you bought and hid and forgot about, though, is pretty awesome--it's like the house is magically offering up gifts.

  3. LOL! I needed that this morning!

    And I did the SAME THING last night re: Easter Bunny slip-up -- We were reading "The Jesus Storybook Bible" and I said, "I really like this book. I'm so glad we bought it." My soon-to-be 9yo looked at me with that knowing look and said, "No, Mommy. We didn't buy it. The Easter Bunny brought it." I mumbled something that vaguely sounded like, "Oh, yeah, that's right" and quickly changed the subject.

    Have a great weekend!

  4. This was the funniest thing I have read on a blog lately. Sometimes, you just gotta laugh at the craziness of life! Thanks for sharing.

  5. Thank you for sharing this! This made me laugh...what a day you had! I so appreciate your candor and humor!

  6. As an adoptive mother who has had many social workers in and out of her house for the last 10 yrs I laughed - a lot - at this, and then I made my husband so that he could laugh too.
    We actually have a fantastic social worker right now who knows and loves our family and would have just smiled at all of this because she knows that we are a normal family. I'm sure that yours did the same thing.

  7. Oh, that had me laughing out loud! That's hilarious! At least she got realism!

  8. The Naptime Household: Keeping It Real In the 21st Century and Beyond.

  9. We've had the same social worker for the past five years, thank the Lord. Which means she didn't blink at all when our daughter asked her "Oh, are you here to take our brothers back to Uganda? I'm so glad. They're kind of weird."

  10. Oh I love this. Our kids are cut from the same cloth. I always feel more normal when I read your blog. =)

  11. Ha! You crack me up. But seriously, congrats on the new house. I can't wait for you guys to get settled in.

  12. Oh, my word. Bless your heart- thank you so very much for that.

  13. Ha! That's awesome. Thanks for keeping it real :)

  14. Saying a prayer for you while coffee flies out my nose. If that isn't life with kids... Keep hanging on and huge congrat's on the house!

  15. Thankfully MOST social workers are very used to real family dynamics. : ) Congratulations on the new house, you mean mom!

  16. You have no idea how glad I am to be able to read, "Like a narcissistic, bipolar sociopath, ie, a normal two-year-old." Because that's the whole goal of the process, now, isn't it??? This post had me rolling on the floor laughing! Congrats on the new house and please let me know if you could use the packing and clearing talents of two adult male Labradors. They're all yours if you want them! ;-) -Lauren

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  18. Oh, the shows we have put on for social workers=0
    Now that we are through adopting, I don't even clean house for them!

  19. I was hooked by the birthday boy pictures because that is exactly how it happens. You put them to bed, and they are babies. You wake up and suddenly they are older. My daughter just turned 15. 15! It happened in a blink, and she isn't even my oldest. I love your blog because I realize when I read it that other people live like us. We are normal.



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