Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The marriage bed

During our engagement, I couldn't wait to have him by my side every night. I imagined our bodies gracefully intertwined, holding each other tightly yet comfortably as we slept deeply all night long. Above our brand new ivory colored 600 thread count sheets my tanned arms would show a peek of one of the many beautiful pieces of lingerie my girlfriends had bestowed upon me at my bachelorette party. Probably on the 23rd of every month I would wear my demure yet irresistible white wedding night nightie to celebrate yet one more month of conjugal bliss.

We were married November 23. During our honeymoon and the 33 nights to follow, I took joy in selecting each night's silky nightie. It was all I dreamed it would be, and more.

On December 26, I decided that before I drugged myself into oblivion with Theraflu to combat my nausea and headache, I had better take a test on the off chance that those negligees - probably the leopard print one - had led to a pregnancy.

My little bout with the flu will be seven years old this August.

With gestation came instant insomnia. Suddenly the previously cozy double bed we shared was an homage to my nightly misery. I tossed and turned, begging God to give me some sleep before I was asked to teach second graders the next day.

At bedtime, we would lie as spoons while his big hand cradled my womb. For about two minutes. Until the torture from the coarse hairs on his chest poking and scratching the skin on my back and the ridiculously heavy weight of his arm caused me to roll away - as far away as I could get in our shrinking double bed.

After the thirty seconds had passed that it took him to fall asleep - a skill that made me incredibly envious - the snoring began. First I would shudder hard enough that the bed would shake a bit. A pause...I'd lie in hope. Then a nudge. Nudge harder. Kick his leg. Kick his leg harder. Shove his shoulder and whisper accusingly ROLL OVER! You're SNORING!! In his half sleep, he always managed to give me a dirty look before complying. Until he snored again.

And once, I was startled awake in the middle of the night by a piercing noise. My heart racing, I feared I had heard a gunshot. There was no gun. There was only my husband. Still sleeping as his "gunshot" filled the air.

The many silky negligees slept on rose scented drawer liners as my previously flat tummy grew, and grew, and grew. But his soft white undershirts with the yellow pit stains were oh so comfortable over my maternity underwear.

In March we moved to a new home. Before we moved, we went shopping for our new marriage bed. The biggest bed you have, please. King size. So we can pretend our beloved is not even there, thank you.

The baby was born. And then another, and another, and another. I had sworn no child would ever sleep in our marriage bed. Four newborns have slept in our marriage bed. As have four sick, napping, segregated, or scared-of-thunderstorms children.

Last week my groom and I made our king sized bed and burst out laughing at the huge postpartum stain, at the stubborn remnants of a coffee spill, at the two year old's ballpoint pen artistry on our old ivory colored 600 thread count sheets.

This morning I lay in bed with him while the white noise machine hummed in the background. I wore a demure yet irresistible neon orange VBS t-shirt with a bleach stain on the front and underwear my mom bought me at the dollar store. The effects of four pregnancies means I sleep on a heating pad, barricaded by a pillow between my knees and a pillow to support my ever aching back. I wear earplugs now to block the snores. He rolled over, the face I know so well now toward me. I expertly arranged another pillow to block the flow of his morning breath.

He reached out blindly, found my hand, and placed his own over mine, then gently yet firmly squeezed my fingers as the new morning dawned and eight little feet began to scurry round our marriage bed.

I squeezed back. And thanked God for giving me more than I ever dreamed of.


  1. Oh, girl. Thanks for the laugh. I love it. 14 years and 5 children later, you're speakin' my language.

  2. You and your family are like My family's twin or something! Our family of six took one year longer to happen but we are definately on the same path adoption and all. It's freakish, I could have written this post.

  3. I love it! It is good to know other people feel the way I do and I only have two kids!

  4. Sounds like our house. Jamison constantly tells me, "Jen, I am bigger than you, yet I only have about an inch in this bed." Belly + insomnia + Great Wall of Jen (aka: Pillows) = Queen Size Bed all for Jen! The lingerie has gotten me the big belly!

  5. Love this post !!! It's hilarious and so true! In our 4 year of marriage ans almost 3 children (baby #3 will be with us soon) I can't say that I sleep much.

    Occasional snoring I can live with but that talking in his sleep every night !!! On our honeymoon I've experience the first "nightly talking from my dear husband"

    He said : "look at her" to which I reply half asleep "who?" he then said "my bride, isn't she beautiful"

    I taught that was the sweetest thing ever but the next nigh he was talking to the phone im in sleep and asking for part for a broken oven (he is a baker) so I played the role of the operator and when back and forth, I taught it's was funny

    But after a while being woken up by sleep talk was not funny anymore especially when you just nurse the baby and she finally is sleeping then he would woke her up !!

    On the day I got married I was thinking about how sweet it will be sleeping next to mu husband. Would have never taught it would have been so entertaining LOL

  6. Oh sooooo sweet! Thanks for making me laugh too!

  7. Oh how I wish we had gotten the King Size bed! I'm the one with an inch between me and the floor, "But my arm is on the edge of the bed!" "Ya well your body is in the dead center of the bed sweetheart, and my butt is hanging off the bed."
    Isn't it funny how quickly the romance of sharing a bed disappears?

  8. Oh how I love those moments when our feet touch or our hands meet in the middle of the clump that is the 2 of us + my preggo belly+ 3 kids + 1 dog. Precious morning moments!!

  9. i love it! i totally relate. i remember thinking how romantic it would be to fall asleep in is arms... then i discovered i HATE people breathing me and that's really not that comfortable....

  10. That exact thing happened to us. Married, child ten months later.

    BTW, you will probably get your baby before me.....found out yesterday that we lost our baby last week.

  11. SO beautifully written! I love your blog!

  12. I love the honesty of this post...
    my dear sweet hubby also snores and does this thing called tuck and roll... which leaves me cold., aggg.. we now use different comforters and he is not allowed on my half of the bed... we also JUST got a brand new mattress, I am in bliss when I get to sleep before him! ... he swears I snore.. ha ha whatever!
    But the times when he reaches over and pushes my hair out of my face and says he loves me no matter what... makes all of this bed stuff...worthwhile!

  13. That could very well be the most hilarious blog post I have ever read. Literally laughing out loud... oh, I can hardly stand it! I needed that today!

  14. I love it! Such a great post!

  15. 87 different kinds of awesome. And 870 different kinds of TRUE.


  16. Awesome! So sweet, so true :) Thanks for writing that!!

  17. That is a great post!

    We have a queen bed and I thought we would never need one bigger, but I'm begging my husband to let us get a king next time we need a new bed. I was also one who never thought my children would be in my bed, and while they aren't full time co-sleepers, some nights, 1 or both of them end up in our bed at some point for some period of time, and it's getting cramped!!

    I really like your writing style, I'm a new follower and I'm looking forward to back reading some of your older posts!

  18. I'm crying from laughing so hard! Maybe because I'm pregnant and can't sleep...

  19. you crack me up! I just started reading your blog, and I will definitely continue!! Thanks for the laughs!

  20. you crack me up! I just started reading your blog, and I will definitely continue!! Thanks for the laughs!

  21. Oh man, I pretty much ADORE this post. So accurate and so destined to scare off all childless newlyweds. {insert evil laugh here}

  22. I kept hearing a "thud" as I was reading this post.

    Turns out, it was all the dreams of our single friends crashing to the ground.

    (Right now, my husband is snoring in bed. And I'm wearing a large white sleep t-shirt that I bought today at Target that in no way is covering my bright pink and yellow bra. It's like I'm waiting to be on "Cops.")

  23. Thank you for your fun transparency! Remembering the last 14 years and 4 kids. Makes me happen and annoyed at the same time. I can relate about the snoring husband and the morning breath. Thank goodness I love him enough to forgive the snoring and the morning breath!

  24. I love it! I swore ours would never be in our bed either. I am expecting #2 & begging for a king size bed.

    You always make me laugh!

  25. I love this SO much, Missy!! Beautiful.

  26. With five (soon to be seven) in our King size bed because of illness (like the projectile vomiting in the car today...another story)and nightmares...well, we figure we must have the most blessed bed around. LOVE this post...hit home and SO true!

  27. This is my favorite post of yours EVER! How wonderful! Isn't it funny that we think we know how great things can be and then they get BETTER? I look around my cluttered shambles of a house a few times a day and think about how great my life is now (well most days)! And I am a huge neat freak!

    Also, it's like we are married to the same man with the snoring and the bed jiggling and the kicking and nudging. Laughed so hard.

  28. 27 years and 12 kids later ... right there with you ...

    Great post!


  29. Tearing up. How sweet. God bless.

  30. "Morning breath"?! What are you talking about, woman??!

  31. I can't stop laughing. I am 7 months pregnant with my second and my dd and dh are currently asleep upstairs in our queen and I am downstairs on the computer, dreaming of a California King, crisp sheets and sleep without heartburn. Thanks for letting me know I am not alone :-).

  32. I love this Missy. We have been married 15 years and have four children and everything you wrote is sooooo true. Thanks for the reminder to be thankful for the really good stuff.

  33. This is my favorite post yet! So funny and true and so intimate and lovely.

  34. Priceless! I can so relate. Thanks for telling it like it is! :)

  35. Our dream was burst on the wedding night when we realized that sleeping while intertwined with another human being just isn't all that comfortable! We always advise new couples that one of the tough parts of newlywed-dom is learning to sleep with each other; and we mean sleep! Thanks for the good laugh this morning as I relived our own 11 years of marriage!

  36. :o) Love it! So very very true! :o)

  37. Aw, Miss! This is one of your best. For sure.

    I can relate in so many ways . . .

    "I had sworn no child would ever sleep in our marriage bed. Four newborns have slept in our marriage bed. As have four sick, napping, segregated, or scared-of-thunderstorms children."

    Uh-huh! Love it. More than I dreamed of, indeed. What a beautiful start to my day. Thanks for this.

  38. How have I never read this blog before? I love it and I TOTALLY relate. Almost five years of marriage, three kids, and about 12 nights of lingerie.

  39. OH girl.... so so true...which is why I DO have another bed in the nursery for me to get some peace and quiet. :)

  40. Don't you just love the newlyweds ideals! Loved this post.

  41. I think this is my favorite blog post. Ever. So funny, but only because it's SO. TRUE. I'm 35 weeks pregnant with our 3rd and hubs complains he doesn't have any room in our queen bed... which actually isn't far from the truth: one large wife with "restless leg" and a huge body pillow don't leave much room! But I just get so irritated how he can crawl into bed and be sleeping less than a minute later. I mean, who DOES that?!!!!

  42. after 8 years of morning breath, snoring, prickly chest hairs, and three children I am right there with you. THIS IS SO FUNNY!

  43. I'm so glad I've discovered your blog - you've made me laugh & cry & renewed my appreciation of the joys of everyday living with my own family. Bless you - and keep it up!!

  44. this is absolutely perfect!! Thank you for sharing!!

  45. he he he he he he he he.....I really enjoyed that- because it is oohhh sooo true!!! My husband's philosophy when we finally saved up and got that huge king size. Before you are married you get your own 3 feet of space after you are married you are supposed to now share- 4....doesn't really cut it :) he he he...

  46. I just couldn't help but commenting that I was the flu too. My dad and older siblings were all sick, so when mom got sick, she figured she had the flu. But, no, she got me instead :).

  47. This is what love is all about. I love this post. I wish we had the space to put a King size bed in our room. And we only have 2 kids.

  48. Love it! Sweet, honest, and thought provoking. :)

  49. Mmm, king-sized bed. That is the stuff fantasies are made of.

    Yes, yes, and YES. Only I didn't get pregnant right away, but I learned awfully quick how tiresome sleeping with another human can be!

  50. Love this post! Just started reading. We had 4 kids in less than four years too.... graduated to a king after baby #2, and rely on a white noise machine for sleep... which is a precious thing indeed!

  51. As a single girl longing for all you have (coveting, let's call it for what it is), thanks for this realistic view. Each stage of life has it's struggles!

  52. So, were you reading my mind when you wrote this? I have been awake since 4:30 this morning because after I got up to pee my husband's incessant snoring kept me from falling back to sleep. Even with ear plugs in. I elbowed, kicked, sighed loudly all to no avail. And yes, he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow so I don't stand a chance. Although even after 11 years of marriage, I still hold on to the hope that someday, somehow we will be able to fall asleep in each other's arms. :)

  53. I actually laughed out loud when I read your description of the strategically adjusted pillow designed to ward off hubby's morning breath. I so relate :-D

  54. You crack me up! Same situation here, but I am now expecting number 7 in Sept. My husband refers to the "pillow between the legs" as the "man barrier!"

  55. Girl, for the past few weeks I've been trying to figure out how I can justify buying a king-size bed when there's nothing wrong with our queen-size, other than it's too darn small. I also thought that my husband and I would fall asleep all cuddled up, but it turns out that my man doesn't like to be touched when he's falling asleep. Add to that the fact that I did something I said I'd never do - let the baby sleep with us - and the bed has got to get bigger or I'll be pushed out one day.

  56. beautiful! and hilarious!

    good thing we started out with a king in the first place! we have been married almost five years with six kids.

    oh yes, blessed so much more than I ever dreamed!

  57. clearly, a fabulous post. SIXTY PEOPLE agree with you.

    this was perfectly timed. loved it so much. we don't have a king. but my husband snores like a train. and it's not romantic. but i glance over at him (after all of the nudges and kicks and his in-his-sleep glares) and i'm amazed at how much i LOVE him.

  58. I heard about your blog through Marla Taviano. Love this post. I can relate to the snoring bit. Same problem at our house. There's got to be a cure for it!!!

  59. LOVE IT! I too, sleep with earplugs and neon shirts on our king size bed!

  60. LOL. With tears in my eyes. Nice to know I'm normal.

  61. Missy, This was beautiful... honestly....

    We've all been there. Now, here I am post-menopausal and finding that sweet place next to my husband again. After carrying, and birthing 5 children and many sleepless nights we are finding the sweet times to focus on our relationship more deeply again. It's the ebb and flow of life.

    it's been a while since I've been by for a visit. I enjoyed my time here!

  62. PS. My 2nd born daughter who got married in October was surprised to find out that after 4 months of wedded bliss she's now expecting her first baby.
    She will be 20. I'll bet she will really relate to this post in a few years... lol

  63. I LOVE this post! Seriously! It's like I'm reading my life story. :)

  64. i love it. it is soooo true. thanks for making my day!

  65. King-size beds are God's gift to couples!

  66. hey you--a little blog award awaits you at my site. :)

  67. Ok a few things: 1-I am dying for a king-sized bed. 2-I cant stand how easy and quick my hubby falls asleep, every single night. and 3-This is one of my favorite posts ever! :-)

  68. sounds like us! and this version. the one with morning breath and stained sheets and crowded beds is far better than the one I every imagined

  69. This so needs to be published!!! It's quirky and oh so true!

    Prayers and blessings as you continue to make memories in your marriage bed!


  70. Hil-ar-ious!

    I want you to write a sequel when you hit peri menopause because let me just warn you...between the not being able to sleep and the feeling that you might spontaneously combust the marriage bed takes on a whole new set of issues.

    Have a great weekend!

  71. I love this post! I can relate to a lot of what you've said....(only 2 kids though) Great post!

  72. I just discovered your blog this morning, it seems like every other post is making me laugh, cry, or do both-simultaneously.

    You seem like an amazing woman.

    Lucky to have found your blog!

    Have a great weekend,

  73. This is awesome! Thanks for a great laugh going into the weekend!

  74. WHEW> YOu've got me in tears here.

  75. Thanks for sharing these wonderful sentiments. God IS good, isn't he?

  76. I can totally and completely relate on all levels, except my mom (or anyone for that matter) has never bought me underwear at the dollar store. I have to read this to my husband so he knows we are normal.


  77. Hey Missy! :) Glad I could be the cause of synchronized mass projectile vomitting amongst your crew. You can tell Dave that it's amazing what one can do with their toes these days.... :D I actually have a friend who has nightmares about having her arms cut off as form of persecution, so she actively practices using her toes. She paints with them. And she can pinch hard enough to leave a bruise with them. Not even kidding.

  78. This comment has been removed by the author.

  79. PS--You might want to consider posting a ratings warning at the beginning of your posts for us single folk...bleach-spotted orange VBS t-shirts? Pretty racy... :P

  80. Yep, true love. You're writing my story, from four kids (though my first bout with flu just turned 16) to the ratty tee shirt. Like you, I wouldn't have it any other way! :)

  81. I'm not married but I loved this post!

  82. The cutest post I have read today....and oh so true.....love your blog....Doing a little Sunday morning blog hopping...Its snowing here.
    I have 2 GREAT GIVEAWAYS that I will draw for tonight ...
    stop by and leave a comment...That's all that's needed.

  83. Girl- you could have written this one for me. It's my story exactly. Love it! Isn't God great?!?!

  84. Your post had my husband and I both laughing out loud (for real). I read it first cuz he doesn't read blogs, but I HAD to share it with him b/c he thinks I'm the only wife on the planet who hates the scratchiness of chest hairs and the claustrophobic arm experience!!! (I think he also felt relieved to know that someone else's wife wears stained VBS t-shirts to bed!) We've been married 17 years now, and we have 5 kids, going on...?!?!? Still LOVE our king-sized bed...sleep # is the way to go...it has a divider down the middle on the king size! :-) Thanks for the comic relief and marital encouragement!!!

  85. LOVE. IT. Hilarious and so true!!

  86. By the sound of the comments, we are not alone. Thank God. ~~Rhonda

  87. So hilarious & so true! Thanks!!

  88. I am laughing as I read this autobiography of my life!! The snoring, the breath, the stains, the 4 children one. right. after. each. other!
    Now, 8 years later, we are having the extended honeymoon phase!! LOVE IT!!
    Oh, the hand squeezes...those are the best!

  89. That is so funny and SO BEAUTIFUL!!! Thank you! ♥ Michelle

  90. So funny and SO true and so insightful. I laughed and even got a tear in my eye. Very touching. It's funny how our first thoughts are hit with the day to day, and how we accommodate for that... and yet we always come back to that first love and those thoughts too. "Just give me a bigger bed please." ;)

  91. Love it! When we were buying our new marriage bed, right before we had Caroline, the guy has Chris if he wanted to purchase the protective pad. Chris asked what it was good for and the man said, kids puking, wetting the bed, spilling drinks... Chris wasn't sold. So he looked at the man and said what about my wife's water breaking? With a head nod, he was sold. HA.

    I love the progressive state of the marriage bed analogy!

  92. Guess what my love bought me for Valentine's day this year? new 600 thread count egyptian cotton sheets and a lovely king sized memory foam. when i commented on the fun we could have with them, he told me that since we weren't sleeping all that well he splurged and hopefully, now we'd get a good night's sleep! haha

  93. ...yet irresistible neon orange shirt...

    LOVE IT!

    What a blessed life you have.

  94. thank you for your blog. I got to your blog through a link from Tara Barthel's blog.

  95. Missy,

    Regina (commented earlier) posted your blog link on FB and I HAD to read.

    I'm getting married in two weeks and am laughing hysterically at what is to come...

    May I just say this - Please, PLEASE write a book. I'm absolutely ADDICTED to your blog.

    God Bless!

  96. I could have written this myself. It is exactly how my life has turned out. I laughed out loud and read it to my husband - who also agreed that this is JUST LIKE US!

  97. I just found your blog and this post is hilarious!! I'm 14 weeks pregnant with our first and last fall we purchased a king sized bed in anticipation of my future growing belly! Best money we ever spent!!! :)

  98. This is SO hilarious!! That said, I've been wearing ear plugs for years. Great, great post!!

  99. Just laughed 'til I cried! Thanks for that! :)

  100. It's 11:59 at night, I should be in bed because the baby's going to wake up any minute and want to nurse, but I just laughed out loud, a lot, and I needed that! For us, it's been 15 years, 8 kids (one in heaven), plus a foster baby and two Haitian daughters waiting to come home. I need a good laugh now and then!

  101. After the thirty seconds had passed that it took him to fall asleep - a skill that made me incredibly envious - the snoring began. First I would shudder hard enough that the bed would shake a bit. A pause...I'd lie in hope. Then a nudge. Nudge harder. Kick his leg. Kick his leg harder. Shove his shoulder and whisper accusingly ROLL OVER! You're SNORING!! In his half sleep, he always managed to give me a dirty look before complying. Until he snored again.

    Soooo true. This is such a deal beaker for me--In any sense. I find it soo hard to get to sleep fast and it seems the snorers allways have like no problem at all. Totally unfair.

    love christian rock, love sanctus real

  102. I've got writers block and I REALLY want to write something good. So I'm reading all the good blogs. I'm 3 posts in on your blog.

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